Invitation to non consecutive bits of a wedding

I’d skip the evening do - do the ceremony save the cost of the hotel and drive home. Congratulate the couple, say hi to your friends and head off. I bet they both won’t even notice if you turn up or not in the evening.

As the ceremony isn’t real, just update her to say you have been looking at logistics and, on balance, coming to the evening only would work better. They won’t mind.

How fancy a hair do are you planning on having? Pop back to hotel, get changed, go out into the city for a bit, come back and get changed again.

I've done this twice. It was mildly annoying, not that big a deal.

How fancy a hair do are you planning on having? Pop back to hotel, get changed, go out into the city for a bit, come back and get changed again.

I've done this twice. It was mildly annoying, not that big a deal.

Actually they have very fancy sit down meal rides where people dress smart, if it times out well you could do that (it starts from Loughborough) and it’s not too expensive.

If it's a few hours away, the ceremony is going to be a bit of an arse to get to for 11.45am. Skip it, arrive at your hotel rooms after check in time, chill out then have lots of time to get ready for the evening.

If your friend takes umbrage at you not being there for the ceremony, then maybe they should have arranged to get married at 3pm as many people do who are more considerate of their guests' comfort and travel plans.

I think they should have invited you to the evening do but then said ‘if you did want to watch the ceremony you’d be welcome’

I’d just go for the evening do as I’d likely wear a slightly different outfit for a day wedding than for an evening do. Because you won’t be on any day photos. You can just go in party wear, not wedding attire.

If I’m being uncharitable, I would think they are trying to maximise the gifts. I mean you give a bigger gift for a day wedding than a reception invite don’t you? Or is that just me. Anyway I may just be being mean now.

Exactly the same thing! A very close friend invited my husband and I to their sons, wedding ceremony and then evening do. We booked the hotel they were having the evening do. (Expensive City hotel)
We went to the ceremony, and later to the evening do, there was no food served for guests. If we had known, no food was going to be served, we would of eaten in between the ceremony and evening do.
All in all, very expensive, with the cost of a present, travel, hotel etc.
i wish we hadn’t gone, stayed at home and just sent a gift.

I attended a very odd wedding a few years ago.
There were a handful of people at the ceremony although the room was set with far more chairs.
Apparently the empty chairs were for people who were only invited to the ceremony and not the wedding breakfast (no evening do)
If I had been only invited to watch them marry I wouldn't have turned up to it either! Midwinter in the middle of nowhere for an hour at the busiest time of year for most people!
Some people feel feel oddly entitled to other people's time (and money)

Just go to the evening bit! Check-in, dress up, do your hair and do the evening. Anything else is madness. Killing 5 hours in your wedding outfits will be very boring.

Also, if I’m only invited to an evening party of a wedding, I downgrade any gift accordingly. If I’m not important enough to be invited for the day, but still expected to pay for travel, accommodation, etc, and probably pay for a cash bar in the evening, I don’t spend more than £20-£30 on a gift. Which these days is invariably a contribution to Nathan and Amy’s Patagonian honeymoon fund 🙄

How can a you be friends with someone for 40 years, consider yourself close and yet be excluded from the middle part of the event. And to have to travel for 5 hours for that palaver.

And not even be able to have a reasonable discussion for fear of upsetting this so called friend.

Poor planning and inconsiderate on the part of your friend’s family. The morning event isn’t even the real wedding, just a contrived event for the B and C list guests! And it’s only your friend’s son getting married, not your close friend of 40 years, which would be a different matter.

I’d definitely only go to one part, not both.

If you’d prefer to just go to the fake ceremony in the morning, do that and then go home. Or skip the morning and just attend the evening do. A bright and breezy RSVP, along the lines of “Unfortunately we can’t make the morning ceremony but we will be delighted to join you all for the evening celebrations at 7pm” or the other way round. Don’t feel the need for a big explanation. Remember you are just one of the many invitees they are juggling so I doubt they are going to interrogate you as to why.

I bloody hate evening invitations, I’d rather not be invited to a wedding at all, than be on the very obvious B list where you turn up to an event knowing you have been excluded from the main celebrations and are expected to buy your own drinks and, if you’re lucky, you might get a slice of pizza or dried-up cake at 9pm. Everyone else is already drunk and tired, and you’re lucky if the bride or groom even registers your arrival. No thanks.

Just go to the evening bit. That's a stupid wedding plan.

If you must go to both parts just find a nice restaurant or something nice to do in between times.

I couldn't have expected people to travel to my wedding and not fed them. That's awful!

Pay for an early check in at the premier then you can change your clothes after the ceremony and go and do something relaxed for the afternoon.

How inconsiderate. If they can't afford to feed you, the obvious thing would be to only invite you to the evening do. Plus Leicester's not the most exciting place to linger for hours....

Personally I think it would be ok to say you're only going to the evening event after all ( or the ceremony if you'd rather).

Not the same but I once went to an event with an evening do which was held in the same venue as the main reception. After the reception, nearly everyone else, who presumably live locally, disappeared for several hours. My friends and I were stuck in a village with nothing to do during this time- we hung around the church hall where the event was taking place. By the time everyone else came back I was thoroughly bored of the whole thing and found it really tedious. I also had a two hour drive home on my own afterwards - I didn't use hotels back then so it hadn't occurred to me to stay over.

Never saw the bride, my 'friend', again. She never asked to meet so we drifted apart, though to be fair, that had started long before her wedding.

I bet they want an expensive gift though but just don't want to feed you.......

I wouldn't go to any of it. What cheeky fuckers they are. Wanting the big wedding but to cheap to feed people. I know know where people even find the audacity to send out invitations like this.

I would decline the invitation as it's obvious they don't want you there hence the inconvenient invitation. They feel obligated to invite you and hoped you declined so as to fulfil a social obligation.

If invitations cause me unnecessary inconvenience and cost. I don't attend. I simply don't have the head space to navigate people's selfish choices.

I would go back to the premier inn ( ask for early check in) and get changed no way would I stay in my glad rags all afternoon.

They’re being selfish and not thinking about it from the point of view of their guests.

I guess you could book one hotel room for an additional night so at least one was available as soon as you wanted it but that’s extra expensive. Honestly, I would be pissed off at the lack of thought & make an excuse not to attend at all.

If you’re staying 6 miles from the venue is one of you driving back to hotel so can’t have a drink? It sounds awful I’d decline if you can’t even let your hair down in the evening. Hanging around all day to be sober probably with nowhere to sit no thanks

Just go to the evening part. They won't care.

We were invited to the same once.
We didn’t go to the wedding and just turned up for the evening do.
We had three kids with us so hanging around for hours wasn’t going to happen.

Id just go for the evening if I were you

Not recent. I was invited to a wedding like this 40 years ago. It was a friend from university getting married. I went with another friend and we spent the hiatus having a leisurely lunch and the evening chatting to one another as we knew nobody else there.

My own sibling’s wedding to my mind was even weirder: family invited to the wedding breakfast but not to the evening event. I assume there WAS an evening event, but clearly it was friends only. Friends weren’t invited to the wedding breakfast.