Invitation to non consecutive bits of a wedding

Bloody hell I'd stay away. Change that hotel room and save some money. It's bloody rude to do this.

I don't think you should feel obligated to anything. You are not friends with the bride or groom. They have included you because his mum asked them to. If it mattered to them that you were there you would have had a full invitation. It sounds to me like his mum put pressure on them to ask you and this is their concession.
When I got married it pissed me off we had to invite my MIL's friends - women who I had never met. I did, and they came, but it certainly wasn't for me and I wouldn't have noticed or minded if they weren't there. Honestly just do what makes the day easiest for you. Personally I'm your shoes I'd go to the evening do and skip the fake ceremony.

It's an invitation. It is what it is. Don't waste time getting annoyed. I would just attend the evening do.

A 'friend' of mine was getting married. To help her out I said I would pay for her wedding dress. It all became very stressful and she was micro managing everyone. We had to sing a song and video it for the reception etc etc. My kids were young and not invited. My husband didn't want to go because of all the fuss. A month before the wedding (peak dress trauma) my accommodation cancelled on me! In the end I just didn't go. It was a 4hr drive away and I'd had enough. Best decision ever.

As they will already technically be married at the ceremony, I would just say that you will only be able to attend the evening do. Or even just text on the morning and say you have a flat tyre (or suitable excuse) and you will most likely miss the service, but are really looking forward to seeing them all in the evening. I am assuming it is of no cost to them if you don’t turn up for the service. It is really bad to treat guests like this.

We went to a wedding and found that was the situation when we got there. We used the time to wander the city and then went to a bar and had lunch. The time passed quickly but if you are unable the arse end of nowhere appreciate things might be different. At least you know on advance and can have a change of clothing and shoes with you.

@ CuriousGeorge80
“I can't get my head around people being so bloody unreasonable when planning their weddings.”

My DD had this on one occasion - and her DBF was the best man! I thought that was outrageously rude.

I would either arrange to meet up with others in the same boat (your close friend would be happy to tell you who, surely) and go out for a meal before pitching up to the evening do, or skip the ceremony.

Do you have any kind of relationship with the son? I’d assume they’re being made to invite you by his parents tbh. DH’s parents had a long list of close friends that they wanted at our wedding. We got round it by having a small wedding abroad (there were other reasons for this too). Even then they pestered us about inviting some, offering to pay for them etc. DH had a perfectly cordial relationship with them, had known them all his life etc. but not close enough to feel we had to accommodate them at our wedding. We invited them to the party we had when we got back.

Wouldn’t go, personally but otherwise would book in at 3pm or whatever then have a few hours doing an activity then back to the hotel for changing.

I've had the same once. In between, I swapped to jeans and went for lunch and for a walk around the nearest town, swapped back into wedding attire and went to the evening bit. I was on my own and it was fine. you'll have your family with you - I'm sure you can entertain yourselves for 5 hours! Have a look on TripAdvisor for things to do or download a local walking tour (eg. Treasure Trails)

If your friend is deeply upset because you say you can't make the ceremony but would love to come to the evening then they haven't got enough else to think about....
Although tbh, given you are friends of the parents rather than the people getting married? I would do it the other way around. go to the ceremony, wish them well and go home. Save all the money on the room, socialising with a lot of people 20 odd years younger who you don't know (presumably the bride and grooms friends/work colleagues etc will make up most the group?) And have the rest of the day to yourself. I wouldn't waste a weekend on something you are only invited to to be polite.

Oh dear! Sorry op but don’t go into Leicester in your finery it’s a complete shithole.
I would be skipping the ceremony and just go to the evening do.

Legal wedding have to be open, it doesn’t mean have to invite people to them. Also this isn’t a legal wedding.

I'm not the poster who suggested this, but this is exactly the type of activity where people do dress up in wedding finery with their hair done to dine/take afternoon tea in the first-class carriage. We've done it before (different steam train company) and were WOEFULLY underdressed in jeans!

It because wedding ceremonies have to be open, so the invite is essentially one of, if you are free and want to see the actual wedding ceremony (which is the most important part), please feel free to rock up. I thought this was quite common, especially for old family friends who might like to see the children they grew up with get married, but aren't close enough to be the bride and groom's nearest and dearest. This happened with our families and friends.

I have done this kind of timing for DH's friends' wedding, but it was only two hours away for us and in Brighton which is a fun place to hang out for the day, and the weather was nice. We went for a long lunch after the ceremony and generally had a lovely day, and had a nice long chilled out time before getting ready for the evening. If the logistics and location doesn't work for the ceremony though going in the evening only is going to be vastly easier.

I'd either cite travel issues and just go to the evening.

Or go to ceremony then go out for food. Back to the premier inn to check in /chill out a bit , freshen up then off to the evening do.

I think it's bloody rude to expect guests to hang around for hours. Normally I'd say go to the ceremony early and then leave, as wedding breakfasts often overrun and then there's not always enough seating for the evening guests to sit together. However, as this isn't even the real wedding ceremony (the couple having wed the day before), I'd probably skip the whole thing and send apologies.

If you don’t want to address it directly….

I’d just accept and attend the evening only and if questioned say oh we have an emergency I won’t bore you with it. The main thing to s we are here! You look soooo beautiful”

no way would I be hanging around like an extra on a film set
she’s an absolute dick giving you that kind of an invite it’s incredibly rude and thoughtless. Presumably you are there to pad out the crowd in pictures of her big day vs a valued friend who she wants to share the happy day with

As a rule I hate these invitations. So inconsiderate. But honestly, call the premier in and see if they'll make your room ready a bit early. Or go to the cinema. Just don't wear a massive hat etc, go on the casual side of wedding attire.

I just wouldn't go to the fake ceremony.

I’d skip the whole thing. I was once invited to the evening do of a wedding and there was no food and we had to pay for drinks. Felt such a mug. Another time arrived to find everyone already quite pissed and tired. Wouldn’t accept an evening invitation again. But if you really want to go, skip the morning bit. Are your teens keen on getting up at the crack of dawn to travel, hang around for hours and then go to a party full of oldies? I think you’ll all be exhausted.

I went to a wedding like this. I went to a restaurant with with my partner and some friends. We got back for the evening do at half past seven (started at seven). The groom was very annoyed and no longer speaks to any of us!

I think it’s ridiculous. Parents want you to see their princess or prince get married but can’t fork out for a meal after. I would just go to the evening.

Just make it so….
if it’s not too late, contact them and say you’re unable to make the morning bit because of an unforeseen requirement with a granny\dog\telative but you’ll see them in the evening

When my two daughters got married. I insisted, their wasn’t going to be any evening guests at there weddings. All the guests were there, all day and night do.
I really dislike evening do’s, and feel very much like a second class guest. I would now rather not be invited.