Invitation to non consecutive bits of a wedding

Personally I would decline the day invite to the ceremony and I’d go for the party at night.

i think it’s rude to invite people for a ceremony then ask them to entertain themselves for a few hours and come back, It’s either an all day invite or an evening only invite.

we had family only during the day(40in total) then invited extended family, friends and colleague’s for a party in the evening.

Book yourselves in for a great lunch. The food will be better and then you’ll be ready for a fun evening.

it’s nice that you’ve been invited.
enjoy the day.

We sent "evening invitations" to some local guests (neighbours and colleagues) with a note at the bottom saying that they were also welcome to join us at the church (with details). They tended to choose one or the other which was fair enough. There's a distinction in the wording there that the ceremony was an added option that made it more flexible to what suited them rather than a full day invitation with the middle section excluded which is what causes awkwardness.

They also didn't have to bear costs of accomodation or significant travel, and weren't guests that would have been expecting invitations. That's a major factor

There's also a bit of a difference where the ceremony and receptions are held seperately in that all guests are moving on in a natural break rather than walking away from people getting comfortable for the rest of the day, then having to come back in after working out how to entertain themselves for several hours, especially when away from home.

Secular ceremonies can be quite brief; not all have the substance of readings and music to make it worth specific effort to attend. Some have been the loveliest, most personal ceremonies, but some couples do go for the most minimalist approach and guests aren't always aware of which route the couple will go down to inform their choice.

Expecting guests to travel and require accomodation and not inviting for a complete day is unfair to them and usually rather inconvenient (time and cost).

The worst wedding I went to had a weird unofficial break for hours where the guests were held in limbo at the hotel for hours while the bridal party fucked off for photos and a pub lunch.
The church was at town A, the (horifically overpriced) hotel in the arse end of nowhere an hour away from there, and we were staying with family an hour away in a different direction because of a lack of sensibly priced accomodation in the area.

The ceremony was at 12, it was 3 when we arrived after a full mass and travel, and another 5 hours of uninformed loitering until the wedding breakfast. We'd had brunch at 10am and only a couple of biscuits each and coffee was provided to tide guests over until 8pm from the official start at 12.
No notice not to rush to the hotel.
Nothing other than live sheep within 45 minutes of the hotel- no nipping off for a crafty trip to a pub or McDonalds
A lack of seating and heating too, so it was bloody uncomfortable.
We politely lingered until the first dance then left at 10 as the evening reception finally started.
We'd flown over for that and the best thing about the effort and expense to go to that wedding was a chance to meet some of DH's extended family.
It was also a good lesson in thinking about how to keep guests comfortable and happy.

I always wondered what the people who made the decision to be this rude were thinking at the time. Thanks for the explanation, I guess?

I don't actually think they were rude like some pp are suggesting. They clearly want to have a big wedding and include lots of people in the ceremony as to many that is the most important bit. They are probably having to budget a bit for the sit down meal. But then wanted to invite everyone to join later to enjoy the party with them. I personally think it's a lot nicer than just getting the evening invite.

However, while I think it's okay to invite people this way I don't think you have to go to both if it doesn't work. But if you want to, I'd do what PP suggested and get a lunch after, have a wonderful, check in early to get ready for the evening.

Fwiw I've stayed in the central premier inn in Leicester a few times. I've arrived early and they've been more then happy to store my luggage while I explore for the day.

I had this and it felt really awkward - it was a friend and I totally understood she couldn't have everyone she wanted at the wedding meal but I would rather not have been invited to the church. It felt just cringy when lots of people went off - and as others have said, you arrive at the wedding, people are still seated round tables and you feel horrible like an intruder!

I would just go for the evening and don't think that is rude at all.

Agree just go to the evening, not the fakey ceremony which isn't actually a wedding.

Honestly I'd get dressed for the ceremony, pay for an earlier PI check in, get changed and then explore the city for the day. Grab a nice lunch and find something to do as a family (or send the kids in the direction of something they'd want to do and have some time with your partner). Get changed for the evening, touch up your make up and go to the party.

For me I wouldn't necessarily be disgruntled. Yes it's not ideal but I'd turn it into a weekend of exploring somewhere else that I wouldn't normally have visited. For me celebrating with my friend would be important even if it skews weekend slightly.

If you still want to go, I'd find somewhere nice for lunch, assume that would be about 12.30 or 1 till 2 ish, try to spin it out as long as possible, then check in to the Premier Inn at 3. I'd then get changed into something more comfortable, have a rest, then go out and explore the city.

I’ve been to weddings like this and I’m sure it used to be fairly common - when people would get married in their home town and everyone was from round there, often everyone would come to the church, the close family would go to the wedding breakfast, and then everyone would rock up again for the evening. Unfortunately these days where people often have to travel for weddings it doesn’t always work out for everyone anymore.

Last time I went to a wedding like that, me and my husband just went to the nearest pub for some food and drink, and by the time we’d finished eating most of the other exiled guests were also in there and nobody really wanted to go back for the evening do because we were having a great time.

Agree with pp. Whilst it's B&G wedding day and therefore their decision, good hosts are considerate of their guests. It's not even as if the ceremony is the proper one. OP, a few premier inns now do early check-ins from 11am (subject to an extra charge) so that may be a possibility. If you have a flexible booking with the hotel, I might be tempted to just go to the ceremony and then go home same day and cancel the hotel rooms. If I couldn't cancel the hotel rooms, I'd just go for the evening do.

Friend went from Newcastle city centre to the airport and back on a little trip on the Metro in her full-on bridesmaid clobber in the gap between the afternoon and evening receptions at her sister’s wedding!

And @YourAgileJadeHam I'm not Asian. Did you know that every resident of Leicester is not Asian? How racist are you?! Sheesh.

@Inthebathagain It's obviously not an Asian wedding because anyone with south Asian heritage would never in a million years be so inhospitable. Providing plenty of food and drink for guests is standard and expected. Obviously cultures differ in respect to the kind of food and drinks served but this scenario would just never happen.

Why do people do this? Is it so for the ceremony and the party they seem like they have loads of friends and family to fill seats /space and make the photos look good. Plus lots of gifts.
But not want to pay for any food and such for these guests?
I wouldn't go to any of it . I'm sure your friend will cope

Pay to check in earlier? Or use use the hotel bar facilities?

Don't get me wrong, I don't think the invitation is very well thought out but if you're going and not speaking up then I'd do one of the above. Sounds like there will be loads of others.

Sadly for your friend, I don't think the realise just how pissed up people will get in a 5 hour gap with nothing else to do so the evening do might be a bit 😬

I'd ask around to find out if anyone else I know and like has had the same gappy invitation and then arrange lunch somewhere nice with them after the ceremony. After that I'd go home and save the money I'd planned to spend on a hotel room. I'd also not spend any extra money on dressing up for the ceremony and forget the finery. Presentable will do, no need for special hair appointments. You're only friends of the family. They haven't thought of your ease and comfort and the ceremony isn't even a real wedding, so why on earth go to great lengths for them?

My worst experience of this involved people I knew quite well socially who married later in life. We were invited to the ceremony in a tiny town in mid-Wales, then left with a long afternoon to fill before we were invited to join the party at some barns in the middle of nowhere. No parking for 60 evening guests at the venue, so we were all instructed to park on a muddy verge on the side of a B-road and stagger in the dark down a rough mile-long unmade lane carrying food contributions for the evening event and our own drinks. When we eventually got there there was nowhere to sit down because all the full day guests were occupying the seating and tables. They were starving, because no evening food had been provided for them and lunch was over hours ago, and they fell on our food. We weren't quick enough to realise what was going on and so missed out on supper because they ate and drank everything we'd brought with us. The day guests eventually retired to their rooms in the farmhouse and bunkhouse and the other barns on the premises, leaving the evening guests to stumble back to their cars in the dark and cold. We've not had much to do with the happy couple since then and when we do meet I slip in an allusion to having been one of the caterers for their wedding or do a tinkly little laugh about how their families drank the booze we'd been asked to bring for ourselves.

Sorry I've not read everything response but I think it's meant to be taken as an evening invitation with a formal welcome to the ceremony rather than expecting you there (or that's how I've known it be). I wouldn't overthink it as being a gap in the middle or two parts, just if you'd like to make the ceremony and can, there's no awkwardness about checking it's ok (I know it's public if a church but still).

Only if the room is available and they won’t let you pre-book. I’ve tried this twice at PI and been refused both times as ‘no rooms ready’.

It's pretty pointless to try to attend both. Can you just go to the ceremony then head home? Save the hotel costs and the hanging around. They clearly want to save money while maxing out the gifts.

If you are determined to go to both then find somewhere posh and amazing to go for a long and lavish lunch.

It’s the speeches that I find excruciatingly…unless you know the couple REALLY well

It’s such an odd thing to do IMHO. Inhave been to quite a few evening in my dos and been happy with that, why in gods name do so want to sit through the church bit if I don’t have to!
esp the properly churchy ones either ceremonies that go in for days. Went to a Presbyterian one where the minister did a fire and brimstone 45 min sermon!

Weddings are mind numbingly dull at the nest of times. I’d decline the entire invite and go and spend the day doing something more enjoyable.

Shockingly rude behaviour. The rule is it’s fine to add people at each stage but never take people away (so just evening do is fine).

I’d go for the ceremony then leave. I’m not hanging around a strange city / town for 4 or 5 hours in heels and a dress because my friend or her child and the spouse to be have no manners and no understanding of how to host people.

And yes, I’d reduce my wedding gift accordingly.

Just skip the service and go to the evening.

no one will notice.