Invitation to non consecutive bits of a wedding

Extremely rude and I would decline.

I'd just go to the evening and I wouldn't be getting too dolled up either. TBH I hate going to the evening do's only - it always feels like you are a bit of an add-on, joining the book at the last chapter - my preference would be to send a gift and decline.

"I disagree. The couple have more likely invited OP because their parents asked them to, rather than in the hope of getting a gift.

I think you'd have to be pretty stupid to invite extra people to a wedding as a gift grab. In my experience 99% of gifts didn't cover the cost of inviting the person, even just to the evening bit if there's a buffet and/or open bar. If it was purely financial, better off not to invite them at all."

@Doitrightnow then the bride and groom should grow some spines and not pander to their parents. I would utterly refuse to give the impression that I am cheap to placate my parents.

This sounds a bit rubbish. We did invite a dozen or so of our university friends to our evening reception and also included a note of the ceremony time in case they wanted to come to the ceremony. In that case (i) the wedding was in a city they knew well and where we all meet up regularly, (ii) they were a group of friends together and all went for a meal together, (iii) we spoke to them all individually to check they were okay with this and apologise that we couldn't have more people at the dinner.

I think it worked out okay, and we didn't fall out over it, but I don't know how it would have come across if they'd started MN threads about the situation!

I disagree. The couple have more likely invited OP because their parents asked them to, rather than in the hope of getting a gift.

I think you'd have to be pretty stupid to invite extra people to a wedding as a gift grab. In my experience 99% of gifts didn't cover the cost of inviting the person, even just to the evening bit if there's a buffet and/or open bar. If it was purely financial, better off not to invite them at all.

I would also do that.

Just go to the evening

I think that it would make more sense to just go to the evening reception if youre not local to the area and its out in the sticks. Noone will mind

I would just go to one part.

@MeowCatPleaseMeowBack oh I'll bet you're right there! So tacky.

I think you should amend your rsvp to the bit you really want to attend, I doubt very much they'll mind either way, they have plenty on their plates at the moment with their organising.

Oh I bet they won't be wanting gifts, only cash.

Not to mention they will still be expecting presents from the 100 guests they have deigned to only invite to half the wedding!

I'm sorry but that's so tacky, they clearly don't want to feed half their guests! In your shoes OP I would actually decline the whole thing.

I don’t think it’s rude. They have invited you to the ceremony and the party, just not the family bit. Go and have lunch and back to the hotel for a nap.

We had a similar invite years okay but it was a 1pm wedding and on a Sunday so by the time we came out all the pubs had finished serving food (it wasn’t near anything either so only 2 pubs). One cafe was about to shut but stayed open for us and ended up with 50 of us from the wedding crammed in 😂 That was a bit weird and poorly thought out. Bridal party went to a restaurant then were 3 hours late to the venue arriving at 8pm. First dance wasn’t until 10pm and food was bowls of crisps and that was it in the evening. Middle of no where so had to drive so it was a very sober event in a very expensive mansion they clearly couldn’t afford. But, we managed to have fun and it was memorable. I think everyone tries their best but some aren’t natural planners and pleasing everyone is a nightmare so I always give the benefit of the doubt. Overall, they want you there so getting offended is a weird response.

We still laugh about a wedding we went to 40yrs ago that was like this. A town with nothing to do in it and nowhere to go. No internet back then. No cinema or decent pub/restaurant around. So we sat in Mcdonalds in our wedding finery and then sat in the car listening to music - for hours!

We recently went there to the theatre (built since the wedding!). Still a grim place and seemed to be a series of car parks!

So they want you to bump up the numbers at the ceremony, but you’re ranked so low that you don’t get invited to the meal, and you’re expected to go to the evening bit?

Sod that. I’d be politely declining.

Then don’t send the invitation. A guest is a guest. If you choose to invite them, however reluctantly, they need to be properly hosted. Otherwise, just invite them to the evening do.

There is nothing wrong with adding people at each stage - that’s common. I’ve been to several evening dos of people I don’t know particularly well. It’s sending some of your guests away for half the event so you can host the people you actually want to see that’s rude.

Right. So there we have it. Proof that some people don't think for a moment about other people's comfort or needs when planning their wedding. Expect people to pay £££s to come to your event and call them a whinging baggage if they're not thrilled at the prospect of having to do full make-up in the car or change in a pub toilet.

I think you will all enjoy the five hours with some of the other friends who have a similar invitation.

Share a meal, see a film, visit a museum, freshen up at your Inn and go out to party for the rest of the evening.

The only time this worked for me was for 1) a colleague's wedding - a handful of us were invited to the (real) ceremony and the evening do.
It was a glorious day so we went and bought a picnic and wine and sat in a park by the river til it was time to go to the venue.
2) a bunch of us were providing musical entertainment and the B& G put money behind the bar at a pub for us all to have some food and drink in between.

That wouldn't work for me now I have a toddler.

@TobyChestnut you aren't going out Rutland way are you (that's roughly 20 mins from Leicester)? If you are, and you decide you're going for the full day but looking for stuff to do, have a look to see if the Rutland Belle has started up yet at Rutland Water - that might be quite nice all dressed up.

There are some lovely village pubs you could go to for a nice meal potentially too.

Exactly

When I got married we invited almost everyone to the whole day but had a small group of more distant work colleagues who I was just going to invite to the evening do until one of those work colleagues said she didn't mind missing the meal but it was very rude to only invite them to the evening celebration but not to the actual wedding service at the church.

I therefore amended all their invitations to invite them to the service and the evening do. I did make it clear to the rest of the group however that they weren't obliged to come to the church if they didn't want to and in actual fact none of them except the woman who had made the fuss did attend the service.

@TobyChestnut just say you accepted the morning invitation in error and only meant to accept the evening bit as you can't be hanging about from the morning to evening bit. Friends should be able to talk to each other, especially when you have 40 years of history....