All my immediate family are going to my niece's wedding except me

Horrific isn't it! That a bride and groom are having the wedding they want to be happy!
Don't they understand the people who's wants are to be met are their 'loving family'?!
You know the ones who will cut you and any future child out of their life if their demands are not prioritised for a one day event?

Let the couple have what they want. Don’t upset your lovely niece and make her feel bad. You’ll have her in your life for years to come and this is just one day.

Presumably the bride wants her own mother at her wedding even if it’s small.

I can definitely see why you’re upset and think you’re being quite reasonable about it. It’s not a terrible thing to express that this has upset you to your sister and you acknowledge it would be too difficult to invite you now as it involves inviting others. I’m from a small, close family with a brother and sister and would feel exactly the same.

I think the hurt comes from a place where you thought your “close” relationship with your niece was one thing and now you’re finding out it wasn’t quite what you thought. When people choose who to invite/not invite to weddings, this is based on who they are closest to and who they most want to celebrate their special day with. When it’s someone you would choose to put in that space and they don’t choose you then yes, understandably upsetting.

Like others have suggested, I would take a step back and accept that the relationship isn’t as close as you thought and respond appropriately if/when you are asked for/to do something that is not consistent with this more distant relationship.

Nobody more thoughjess than some modern day brides abd grooms - all me me me . No aunts and uncles invited unless you can offer a free service - sums it up. As it’s her wedding I’m sure your niece is aware you are not invited as she must have decided who was on the guest list

It's natural to be upset, your brother is technically working and saving them some money.

There is nothing you can do. If you can afford to invite them out for a celebration meal afterwards. Wear a wedding guest style outfit.

You shouldn't have mentioned it to her Dad, if he tells her, that is hurtful.

It is an awkward situation. It was not thought through properly. Would have been better to have had an outside photographer but a bit late now. I think you need to bite the bullet and put up with how it has evolved. There will be others too probably feeling disappointed even though not as close as you. For your Bruce’s sake grin and bear it. Maybe you can invite them to a nice lunch a week or so afterwards if they live near you. Do not make this an angry sad day by causing a dispute. Grin and bear it and not bear grudges afterwards. Sister in laws are always difficult. She found a way to get him in didn’t she?Do
not give her the joy to see you are still upset.

Yes it’s the b&g choice to have a small wedding

yes now brother is going to take pics

I get why you feel hurt as only one your side not going

is brother actually a photographer

if it was you taking the pics and brother not going how would he feel

I get small wedding. But if inviting siblings so assume niece has brother/sister - gp and obv parents - it is a shame they can’t add 4 more people and literally the siblings so you and bil 3 brothers but no partners /wives /hubbys /kids etx

Of course he gets a meal all photographers are provided meals aren't they? That's the protocol.

Bils family aren't invited. Id they invite the op then they have to be invited too and it becomes a far larger affair

I think how you feel is reasonable but you shouldn't have told them as now they feel bad, which I'm sure wasn't your intention

when it was a member of one of the wedding couples family doing the catering. Or baking the cake.

but caterers that are non family members don’t go in, they only happen to go in if family. It’s not like all caterers go in to a wedding service

I have seen it several times when it was a member of one of the wedding couples family doing the catering. Or baking the cake.

The brother gets to go because he's doing the photography. So if she does the catering then she can go because she's also providing a service. 🙄

If it's a church wedding you could go and watch just not go to the reception?

The sister is the mum of the bride.

How bizarre. You're close to her but she wouldn't want you at her wedding? Sounds dysfunctional, why is your sister there then? Who made her the organiser, and didn't ur beice think if one aunt is there, the other should also be

So I assume he doesn’t get to be at the meal afterwards either?
Just like a professional photographer?

Because of he does…. Then where’s the fairness?
(and I suspect he will because he is family, is doing them a favour etc….)

I know I can't go as my BIL has 3 siblings who have not been invited and if I go it will cause him huge problems

Probably the grooms parents have brother and sisters that would need to be invited as well. These things quickly escalate

They are invited for specific roles though photographer etc. Bit because he's a family member. Bils family aren't invited either. It isn't personal you are being a bit daft although I totally would feel the same

"Wailing" and "making a scene"? She's done neither. She told her sister she was hurt by her actions. She didn't march into a family gathering and start screaming.

Op is hurt that her sister changed the dynamic, thoughtlessly. An uncle will never be treated as "staff" by any decent niece, even if there as a photographer.

Photographers tend to get a meal as standard - will he be made to leave the wedding breakfast to eat elsewhere alone? Will he leave the reception after his "hours" are up? Will he be prohibited from buying a glass of champagne or similar to enjoy when photographing because he's "on the job"? Will he be refused family photos with his family that someone snaps on their phone (or even his camera)? If it's a small wedding and there are fewer guests to snap, it also means he isn't going to be running around half as much as he would be for a big wedding.

If yes, then, unless it's his choice, that says an awful lot about the couple because he is doing them a favour and being treated rather poorly unless he's being paid market rate. If no, hes basically a guest with a more involved role.

It can absolutely be a case of both the couple is entitled to invite whomever they want, and it is entirely understandable that Op feels hurt. Weddings don't give people carte blanche to do whatever they want and everyone else has to be happy and smiley about it. When planning a wedding, people will have feelings and opinions in response to your choices and they aren't required to hide them completely to protect your feelings, when you didn't think to protect theirs in planning. You just need to own your actions and be ok with the fact some people will be hurt because you want your day in a particular way. It doesn't make anyone unreasonable, they just have different priorities.

See, I think that’s ridiculous. It smacks of the Mn mantra about either you have a whole class party, or you only invite all the girls or all the boys, or fewer than one third of the class, otherwise it’s ‘exclusion’ and ‘bullying’. Which is all very well when the invitees and hosts are six.

Here the guest policy for a ‘small, quiet’ wedding is very clear — only the parents, grandparents and siblings of the bride and groom are invited. The OP’s brother isn’t there as a guest, just because he has a useful skill to be leveraged cut-price or free.

There’s really no occasion for the OP to be wailing about being ‘the only member of our family to be left out’. Duh. One sibling is the mother of the bride, so obviously she’s there. The other two siblings were not invited, as the siblings of the father of the bride weren’t. No uncles and aunts of the couple are invited, bar the photographer, who is staff. If the couple invite the OP because she’s making a scene, they then need to invite all uncles and aunts on the groom’s side for fairness, making it a far bigger wedding than they want. It’s really not that difficult.

I think it's mean . Either everyone goes or nobody . If they wanted a quiet wedding why not slip abroad and do it on their own . It's because your family is close is the problem . If you didn't have strong relationships it wouldn't have bothered you .

No, I didn't pay him, cos I didn't ask him. If he hadn't have offered, we wouldn't have bothered and just had whatever photos our parents and siblings took on the day. And that would have been absolutely fine.

Or maybe if everyone did what we did, getting married on our lunchbreak with two witnesses, a frankly overblown industry would crumble and people would stop viewing wedding invitations as some kind of Occasion of Offence?

I think you have been a bit unfair saying how you feel... you sharing how you feel will do nothing more than make your niece/sister feel bad as inviting you would likely make the wedding bigger than they wanted.

You made it about your feelings not your niece

If they invited more of nieces family, that could make her husband then want to invite more of his family and the wedding not exactly what they wanted.

Just wish them well and say you're looking forward to seeing the photos

Maybe if couples focused more on the actual marriage and what it means rather than focusing all their energy on one day and a great party and making everyone happy then maybe there would be fewer divorces