11+4 and having cravings - husband says to go out on bike to get snacks

You need to pass your test asap! Don't wait for second trimester - you're nearly there anyway! I couldn't think of anything worse than being housebound on my mat leave it was crucial for me to get out

Congratulations on your pregnancy btw and hope you feel better soon

Oh my god Mumsnet hates non-drivers and any woman who has any help with anything all.
YANBU OP, it's cheeky and discourteous to tell a nauseous pregnant woman to get on her bike and cycle near the motorway for a snack?! He should have immediately asked what you wanted and set a timescale for going to get it for you - least he could do.

YABU only for eating Marmite sandwiches all day

I remember this stage so well. I lived on instant mash, because it could stand by the kettle with a bowl and I didn’t need to open the fridge.

The smell of the fridge and dishwasher were vile, I couldn’t bend to get in the cupboards. I could still give you a guided tour of that small town with places I had to stop to be sick.

I sucked individual crisps til they dissolved in my mouth. Eventually I moved on to late night cravings for chips, but DH didn’t drive.

@Tetchy321 have you tried milk? I loathe the stuff and never had it, but discovered it was the only thing that helped my nausea in pregnancy 2. I lived on milk, literally.

It depends how you feel, which I thought everyone knew? I was barely even walking anywhere at 11+4 without needing to recover and missing large chunks of work. Can I use that to say you were a negligent mum in cycling? Of course not. Does your being fine to cycle mean the op is? Of course not.

Yes, I don't drive and can parent really well. However I can easily walk to shops or catch public transport, from what the OP says that's not an option for her!

Pleased to hear this. I couldn’t have coped without my car when DD was little, we lived a significant distance from the closest (and rather unpleasant) town. Little things like being able to get out and about and go places and see people make the world of difference to your mental health in those early days.

Also, ignore the “well I cycled to the hospital crowning with all six of my children” comments. Good for them. I, on the other hand, a very fit and active person pre-pregnancy found myself on crutches at 20 something weeks with debilitating pelvic girdle pain. Each pregnancy is unique for every woman, and comments like that don’t help anyone.

And for the record, if you weren’t asking him to go during work hours, then no, of course he doesn’t HAVE to go and get you snacks to make you feel better when he finished work, but you can be damn sure my husband would! He’d probably clock off early too if he could. All these women who can do it all by themselves who are then shocked when they find their partners not being supportive down the line or pulling their weight with the housework or childcare. There is no shame in setting the bar high. A good and loving man will happily rise to meet it.

She meant that but didn’t say it.

He said that if she wanted it she would have to get it herself (because he was working).

As OP doesn’t drive, I’m sure he usually gets all of the shopping and would have got it when he wasn’t working.

OP hasn’t said that he refuses to get shopping for her or leaves her to go hungry etc.

She just said that he thought she meant to get it whilst he was in the middle of work, so told her to cycle to the nearest shop which is less than 5mins away.

@Strawbsss it makes it harder if you choose to live somewhere where you can't easily pop out to the shops, groups or activities if you can't drive though.

Some people are being a bit unkind on here, I remember having sickness and only being able to eat certain things, the hunger is horrendous and when you eat the wrong thing the sickness is also horrendous, my husband used to come back from work and get me what I needed to get me through it because he was supportive and I was so ill I couldn't even stand up without throwing up so I understand how you feel

You are aware that people are still able to parent well without both parents driving aren't you?

Too right!

I guess, I have been told my standards are high but it’s honestly insane to me, if I wanted to do everything on my own I’d have started a family on my own.

This.

I think people are being a bit harsh, pregnancy cravings can be intense and unpredictable.
My husband wouldn’t hesitate to get me anything I needed during pregnancy.
However, not driving and being so rural will be a nightmare with a baby.
I would suggest buying a lot of snacks at your next shop, they will keep if your tastes change

My DH would also get me the food. But I don’t think he said he wouldn’t get it? He said why don’t you cycle and OP didn’t have a chance to ask him to pick it up on his way home?

I’m not even sure I get it. He’s at work, you’re wfh, you called him to tell him you wanted some snacks and he said cycle and get them before you had a chance to say “pick them up on your way home….”?!

maybe he was just busy at work and didn’t have time for a proper conversation. But also if you’re nauseous and hungry and haven’t eaten anything but marmite sandwiches and can’t open the fridge even if there was stuff in there… isn’t it a non event anyway? He can’t get you snacks quickly either way. You presumably don’t tell well enough to wait 1.5 hours or however long it’ll take him

This.
People are being mean I think. My husband would 100% get me the food in this instance. You are not being unreasonable.

When I was pregnant I had morning sickness 24/7 for the whole time.

With #1: I remember saying I really fancied sausages. And not just sausages; a particular brand of sausages.
Dh went down to the local shop (5 minutes walk) and as they didn't have them, got on his bike and cycled to the nearest supermarket in town (10 minutes cycle). Because they didn't have them he then cycled (30 minutes in the opposite direction) to the large out of town one, came back and cooked them for me. I took one look, vomited, and didn't want them any more 🤣

With #2 he said in a similar situation "add it to the shopping list and I'll get it next time I'm in the shop".

With #3 he said "when you next go shopping, remember to buy it..."

🤣

You do realise that lots of people don’t drive and aren’t chained to the house don’t you? You choose to live somewhere where there is good public transport links, taxi/uber, delivery facilities etc.

Expecting someone to do all the driving for you isn’t reasonable- if they want to then great, but that shouldn’t be the expectation.

But what if they can’t drive?? It’s not a choice. They’re not just being lazy. They’re legally not allowed? What then? They never go anywhere? I’d think it’s reasonable to expect that the people who love them would be happy to drive them places.

What did he say when you made it clear you meant after work?

She did say that she meant after he was finished working

Agree with you. I'm carrying the baby, the very least he can do is wait on me hand and foot 😉

Everyone has different relationships and expectations though, but my husband and I were in agreement so that worked for us

Hang on, opening a fridge wasn’t possible but walking into a shop full of food was? Could you not have asked your partner to open the fridge for you?

And I completely agree with PPs you need to do an online delivery for all different types of snacks and keep them in an inoffensive place. And probably move house somewhere you can walk or get public transport if you’re not intending to learn to drive.

Even if he was in the middle of his shift at work?

He must have a very nice boss because there’s no way my manager would let me leave to go and get snacks for my DP.