DD leaving her baby with me

Withdrawing babysitting for now seems the best option - while you are there taking care of everything she has no incentive to learn or bond with the baby. How is she generally could she have PND? Where is she going all day I'd be concerned at the sudden change of attitude that it's either depression or possibly a new boyfriend..if she's just out with friends surely she could take the baby or invite them round instead

I was thinking this too. I know of one person who hadn't been feeling right, went to doctor and they still amongst other checks done a pregnancy test, just to be sure, even though she had the implant or injection whichever it is.
And she was 6 mths pregnant or there abouts.
There are some who still get a normal period unless they didn't have those anyway. But yes, I do find it hard to believe how your body would not give signs.

As soon as you hear her getting ready to leave the house, get out of the front door before her. That way she is stuck in with the baby like you usually are. You don't need to be gone for long, just enough to teach her.
If she's staying out all night make sure you talk to her about how to prevent getting pregnant again.

That sounds good but would you be happy if DD just did whatever she wanted and expected you to pick up the (considerable) slack? Or do you expect it to be a joint venture between you and her?

You are right, now just tell us how you plan to do it

I sympathise @CustardCreamsfortea

But tbh if my daughter had a baby at 17 without the baby's Dad helping, I would 100% be expecting to play a large role in raising that baby alongside their mother. I wouldn't personally want to involve social services but that is an option.

This is what i thought. Although it doesn't solve things to stay put under the same roof as is currently the case. Moving out on her own, without anything sorted out, to me just screams of further issues or god forbid what to come if she was on her own.

I really feel for you OP but I can’t help but feel so so sad for your daughter. To have your life completely turned upside down within a few months at such a young age. It’s not surprising she’s struggling.

I think you need to give her options; to parent or not parent. Not that you would necessarily pick up the parenting but there are other options. She must feel terribly trapped and what’s she telling you indirectly is that at least part of her doesn’t want to parent. If motherhood is what she chooses then she will need support to go through it, because there is no going around it.

Do you think she’d leave him home alone?
If she’s only going out because she knows you are there in house is you going out more/working extra an immediate short term solution but only if you are sure she wouldn’t abandon him.
Going out at 3pm is probably when mates finishing school/college. If you pre empt and go out at those times would it nip it in bud.

I agree.

Yes agree.

I don’t think you should shy away from adoption. The baby needs adequate and healthy parents NOW..far better to do it now than give him a bad start and so on..

she clearly doesn’t want to be a parent and as pp said she is being enabled. It’s all very sad for her BUT there is a baby being neglected by its birth mother

my first thoughts were it’s a ss issue if she is abandoning her baby..

it’s this or you take on the parenting op..

😃 At the last bit. I know of a woman who had a similar situation. Well firstly there bf had nowhere to have his kids whom he went to court to get access to. So he asked if he could have them at her flat, as she was due to be placed in permanent housing. And used to go off to work. A lot of men out there who are a disgrace.

Yes exactly, she can go on the council list.

I agree with contacting social care and health visitor for support. She would probably benefit from speaking to someone outside the family and someone who can get her set up with support/ parenting groups aimed at young mums.

Also I would be thinking about PR. If the baby needed medical care and your dd has gone awol who would authorise that?

I’d also be having discussions around contraception and making damn sure she’s on some and taking it seriously. If shes already staying out all night again, the last thing any of you need is for this to happen again.

What a stupid comment. You can't put another person's child up for adoption. Good grief!

The baby HAS a loving home!
He has grandparents and an an aunty who love him (as I am sure his mother does really). "Put him up for adoption" is an extreme response - and not the advice that OP was looking for.
OP wants advice with how to get her DD engaged.

I don't think I am the one "judging" - I think the poster who flippantly said "put him up for adoption" without any other comment, context, or input is actually the one who is judging.

Isn’t it just disgusting though that a man (or boy in this situation 😒) can just check out of taking on the responsibility of a child? It’s so sad that it will all fall on your daughter. Where are his parents in all this? I’d be absolutely disgusted if that was my child.

Sad and difficult situation. That would have been my worst nightmare at that age, but I used protection, I know that can go wrong too. Plus we would have been scared of our father's reaction, something that was not a bad thing, because now that has been lost in society.

Sad again that once again the boy can just choose not to be involved.
They both had sex so both are responsible. It is however not fair when a pregnancy has been discovered late on.
Otherwise I'm thinking from the way things are, another option would have been chosen.

You will have to have a serious talk with your daughter about how things will go, going forward.
How is she generally with her baby?

As someone adopted, please don't so flippantly suggest this. Good grief.

So what? I became a mum at 16 and never would of acted like this. She needs to grow up

I would also be contacting parents of the dad. Just because he’s not interested they may be willing to help. Not aggressively with demands but seeing if they are interested in being involved. There may be another granny willing to help out while she finds her feet if she is wanting to keep the baby.

He has grandparents and an an aunty willing to help out. "Put him up for adoption" is an extreme response - and not the advice that OP was looking for.
OP wants advice with how to get her DD engaged.

Agreed, she really needs the OP for support, whether the OP likes that or not

Of course adoption was an option, but if she defo doesn’t want that (her choice, not yours op), then she needs to step up and parent. Help her parent yes, she’s still a child herself, but don’t facilitate her social life, she’s a mum now! Be less available op, only babysit if asked in advance, have a firm talk about her responsibilities. He is not your baby, he is hers and she needs to act like it. Defo access what you can to help too, counselling etc if appropriate.