DD leaving her baby with me

She needs to make sure the father pays child support.

Well said, @BigSilly

I don't think it will take even a year.

This situation didn't occur in a vacuum. It's the result of how the girl was reared.

A couple of thoughts.
Being the mum of a cute baby that you don't have to pay for and you don't have to look after whenever you CBA sounds quite appealing, so don't be surprised if she has another baby in a year or two. If that happens, can you cope with another, or will that one have to be put up for adoption. What you are doing is enabling your DD, and I suspect this is the hallmark of your parenting. Bending over backwards to make life easy for your DD, who just walks all over you, and the result is a feckless lazy, irresponsible young woman. How are you going to change to make sure this changes?
Your dgc is the prime age to be adopted and there are many much more suitable, vetted, motivated responsible adopters out there desperate to adopt a small baby. Think carefully about what is actually best for your grandchild, before this window of time closes.

I don't have other anything to add to the advice that's already been posted but just wanted to add that you sound like a good mum and your daughter is lucky to have you.
I had pregnancy scare at 17 and I know my parents would have either kicked me out or made me put the child up for adoption. I hope you can find a solution and your daughter steps up to be a mum. It must be extremely hard for you both.

I disagree finding out you are pregnant 7 weeks before birth is not really credible- being in denial is not the same as not realising. Having months to prepare would not necessarily help, many 17 year olds would not be able to come to terms with this even with plenty of time to think and plan.
People are suggesting adoption because there is really no way to force her to "step up" as the OP puts it- she needs to accept it is very likely that that isn't going to happen. Saying adoption isn't an option simply isn't true- the child's mother doesn't want to look after the baby, and neither does the OP, what other practical options which put the child first are there?

I'm an adopter and I know how kids are removed from "loving" mothers, with "loving" family - love isn't enough. Grandmother is happy to look after baby atm but what about later on? What if mum moves into a flat? What if a new boyfriend appears on the scene? I'm suggesting (in a previous post) that grandmother gets some advice about her rights.

Her mum is there to support her though I doubt OP will allow this to happen she’s already said adoption is not an option she literally just asked for some advice on how to help her daughter step up! I know how it works better than anyone I’m adopted myself and my adopted mother has been a foster carer for 40 years been brought up my entire. Life around children in care and children going for adoption.

I very much agree, Arran2024, and it's why I mentioned that, among the cries of "support the mum", much less was being said about the needs of the child

For me at least they should come before all else, and if social services drag their feet and the family persuade theemselves that mum "really is turning a corner" while in reality they're just kicking the can down the road, an awful lot of lasting damage can be done

Hardly anyone chooses adoption these days. What happens is that mothers who don't prioritise their baby's needs have their baby removed by social services and put up for adoption, and by the time social services act, it's usually too late. It happened to my friend's daughter. She wasn't deliberately harming her child but she was not giving the baby what it needed. This mum is going out without any due care for her baby and it's a slippery slope.

@MarvellousMonsters

No, YOU need to re-read.

She claims the girl left school in September due to a pregnancy she supposedly was "unaware" of until early November.

I find it all far fetched.

Yes I agree it is an option but it’s a very extreme and last resort option.

You say nothing about the needs of the baby while the mother is "finding herself". Every moment matters when you are a baby. Every interaction, every cuddle. You can't go back and get what you didn't get.

I recommend that people read "The Boy Who Was Raised as a Dog and Other Stories" by Bruce Perry about what happens if your birth mother isn't very interested or available.

"My DD is 17 and had her baby (dgs) just before Christmas."

You need to re-read the OP @BettyBardMacDonald, baby was born just before Christmas, only found out she was pregnant 7 weeks before. The baby wasn't born 7 weeks before Christmas.

And to all those saying she must've known, it's not uncommon. Irregular periods, small bleeds/spotting throughout the pregnancy, good old fashioned denial...... It happens, I've seen it happen.

OP, have you considered the very high likelihood that she will soon get pregnant again and you will be left looking after two babies, maybe more? possibly bringing them up yourself for the next 18 years?

There has been no real consequences to her, other than a bit of notoriety with her mates and getting out of college to do fuck all.

Where's the incentive for her to be more careful in future?

I would like to get to know some more Mum's. I am a Single Parent of an 11 Year Old Daughter

Eventually it would be, but social services aren’t just going to take the baby after a brief meeting.

First of all, the DD would have to explicitly say she didn’t want to be a mum and would go through a lot to ensure she was 100% sure about this, and she isn’t. She hasn’t actually expressed she doesn’t want the baby, she’s just being, well, a teenager about it and hasn’t adapted well. If given an ultimatum it’s unlikely she’d say ‘yes, take my baby away.’

Then the first thing they’d do would be to try to place the baby with relatives - voila. So the OP would also have to sever ties to her grandchild . This process would take several weeks if not months, with counselling and other professionals involved and they would try to ensure the baby stayed with its mother.

Do posters think SS would turn up, take the baby with just a brief ‘you sure? OK.’

I agree adoption is an option if she doesnt want to be a mum.

Of course adoption is an option

I’m actually shocked at the amount of people saying adoption as an option! I think that’s very extreme.I think OP is just asking advice on how to help her daughter realise she needs to step up. The baby is clearly loved and cared for. If it came to putting the child in care/ adoption etc OP obviously wouldn’t want that well I guess anyway as seen as she’s already taking on parent role of the baby. I can’t imagine what you’re going through as a mother of A 16 year old myself. I'd be devastated if she ended up pregnant. I think she just needs reassurance, time and love to adjust. I became a mum a 21 I know not as young as 17 but I felt I wasn’t ready and put a lot on my mum. You need to put your foot down and lay out some ground rules and show her you mean business. You said she asks you so maybe you’re abit soft with her? Stand up to her and say no. I think I read in earlier thread someone said have set days times etc make it more official. I know shes her mum but she’s still a kid herself and she needs to learn and needs time to adjust. I hope everything becomes easier I’m sure it will in time. You’re a great mum stepping in the way you have.

No it won't. Get your head out of the clouds

There is a quote in the adoption world "love is not enough". Mothers who have their babies removed mostly love their children but can't prioritise their needs. That can be for lots of reasons - learning disabilities, addictions, putting a violent partner first, not having been parented well themselves etc - but the baby misses out and can never fully recover from the impact of it.

What we have here is a flaky mother and a grandmother who never signed up for this. Gm's only strategy seems to be to expect that her daughter will step up. But what if she doesn't?

This situation can't just be left to drift. Either the mother commits to parenting her son or gives her mother parental responsibility- or social services will undoubtedly get involved. Everyone is howling at adoption- social services are able to forcibly remove children and have them adopted and that's a real possibility if this family doesn't sort this out.

It happened to my friend. Her daughter got pregnant, got fed up being the mummy, my friend couldn't take the baby and the child was removed and is currently in the adoption process. They are all devastated.

I suggest that the OP gets proper support from one of the kinship caring organisations like frg.org.uk or kinship.org.uk

People are just saying a lot of us became mums her age or even younger and never acted like this. Its insulting to other young mums to say "she's 17" as an excuse.

Even the poster who mentioned adoption wasn't unreasonable if mum and gran both don't want to raise the child then it's best to consider adoption asap because it's easier for babies to be adopted than older children and obvs adoption is much better than fostered for the child.

Obviously she's way too young to take on the responsibility of a small baby and has no emotional maturity to take him on. She's young and wants to go out she probably has little understanding of his development, how important time with her is etc.

Goodness I've just read some really nasty responses here I'm amazed that people think the brain and maturity of a child can switc?? h so quickly into a responsible caring mum

Firstly, I'm sorry you've all found yourselves in this situation. There's already some great advice on here (except for the adoption comment.)
There are family support workers you can contact through your local authority. They can help support you both as you try to figure out what the "new normal" will look like. Good luck.

Are we referring to love as a noun or a verb here?
I'm sure if asked the DD would say she loves her own baby to the moon and back, possibly with some heart emojis, but what babies actually need is 24/7 care involving lack of sleep for the person or persons providing it. We don't know how much care OP can and wants to provide, she may be working and have other caring responsibilities.

I think the suggestion f counselling for both the DD and OP is a good one.