Gentle Parenting has failed, lets accept this.

This is so stupid.

You think it's ok to hit your child because you failed to supervise them around plugs, dogs and roads?

And you think the gentle parents are the shit ones!

I don't agree with smacking.

Problems with gentle parenting:

• the natural consequences may not be much of a deterrent if the child isn't bothered about them.

• lots of situations don't have a clear natural consequence, especially things around selfish behaviour.

• it relies to much on explanations. Most of the time this is lost on the child.

• it places no value on obedience and respecting parental authority. Parents should not always have to explain every instruction! Children need to learn to do as they are told. Its a preparation for respecting people in authority in situations as an adult, because those people earned that authority because they know better than you. You follow the fireman the safe route out of the building without question. You follow the air stewards instructions in a plane emergency, you don't stop to ask why. You follow your teachers instructions.

Too many parents want to avoid their child ever being upset or angry about boundaries being imposed, especially when they are young, but you do have to be clear and consistent from when children are young

Oh my god 😂😂😂 would you call the police if I tapped you on the hand? 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 STOP I can’t with people here

None of these things have happened to my child either, but it’s a very quick trip to the toilet with a crawling baby. As many previous posters have said once they are old enough to understand dangers it’s totally different but it’s totally dependant on the child’s behaviour understanding too. I slapped my toddler on the hand twice in her life, neither gained tears for more than a few seconds but she never did it again. It should be reserved for absolute unacceptable behaviour when they either can’t understand conversation, or the consequences given haven’t been enough to teach them not to cross that boundary again.

@Zod666 it's very telling that in your opening sentence you mention children no longer fearing adults.
It's the role of adults to keep children safe, in an ideal world children would never fear adults.

@HallieM93 or you could childproof your house (not hard), make sure you monitor your child (mine never ran into the road) and watch them around animals. None of this is rocket science, it really isn't. I've never had to hit my children to prevent dangerous situations. Heard the old adage about the relative weights of prevention and cure required?

squewed

Fuck me that typo! Took me a while...

Former teacher here, the behaviour from children has been deteriorating every year since 2010 onwards.

Personally, I don’t think the parenting style is the culprit here. I think it’s more to do with screen time. I found the children were more impulsive, less considerate and genuinely a nightmare. They have absolutely no ability to focus or concentrate. Every year the behaviour issues were worse, to the point hardly any learning could happen.

There have always been a variety of parenting skills throughout history, I genuinely think technology and its advancement have had a detrimental effect on children brain development and self control.

Hahaha 😂😂😂 try this when your child has just put their finger in a plug, or run out on the road or smacked your dog and it bit them - then it may be a little too late for a chat. There is a place for a quick slap on the hand to shock a child so they understand something is dangerous or not acceptable that talking just cannot replace. It should NEVER hurt the child, but enough to shock them out of ever doing that behaviour, and then you can have the conversation and explain why they must not do that again. There’s a place for slapping that keeps children safe and respectful of boundaries. I’m all for the calm conversational approach but I have had to give a sharp slap on the hand more than once and ONLY when absolutely necessary to stop them from doing it again.

OP I am with you, it’s always the kids that can’t share, can’t play on their own, talk over adults when they’re talking, need constant attention and have 0 imagination, that have been subject to this whole ‘gentle parenting’ they don’t understand boundaries as they’ve never had a more than a conversation as a consequence for disrespectful or dangerous behaviour.

Exactly

It’s a really misplaced but common belief that hitting your kids is legal. It’s not legal to ‘smack’ children. It’s assault. There is a defence under one piece of legislation of ‘reasonable punishment’. This means that if you hit a child and get arrested for it, CPS or a Court will decide whether they agree with your defence or not. It’s not the same as smacking being legal. There are also other offences that smacking can fall under for which there are no defences.

If you have to hit your children to get a message across then the person with the issue is you. And you’re a shit, abusive parent.

Then we'll leave it there.

I just wanted to share my thoughts process, as others have said here, lots of our parents/grandparents generations implemented some form of smacking, wooden spoons etc...

I didn't feel that my grandfather didn't love me and didn't ultimately want what was best for me.

Perhaps you are right my boundaries are so squewed that I can't think clearly about this

So you'd think it was absolutely fine and understandable if you saw a woman hitting her child around the head. Cool. And people say "it didn't do me any harm!" Except for being absolutely fine with watching someone hit a child - id say that it probably was quite harmful because it's completely skewed your boundaries.

Have never felt the need to hit mine. Have well behaved dc. I don’t think they ever had a detention even. Would never teach a dc it’s ok to hit people. If the dc isn’t compliant, there’s a reason. Find out why and address it. Hitting just leads to confusion and resentment. It’s lazy and abusive parenting.

I think a lot of people say that they are gentle parenting when in reality they are permissive parenting. So I think the term gentle parenting is kind of a moot point now as it has turned into "I never say no to my kid" parenting. It does not make for a well rounded or nice child.
I have a great relationship with my DD, but she knows what the boundaries are. She has toys removed from her, then if she acts up again those go in the bin. That has only happened once. My dh took many a wooden spoon as a child and he is a very respectful man, well rounded, polite, great relationship with his mum. As a child him and his brothers would have run amuck so his mum ruled with an iron fist. So, although personally neither of us could ever physically hurt her, I do see the benefits of it in some ways. The only time I would push her away for instance is if she was hurting her brother, and vice versa.

There's a difference between gentle parenting and absent/totally shit parenting.
At least the product of gentle parenting presumably feels loved, so there's no trauma from that.
I work in a challenging secondary school and see the fall-out from absent/totally shit parenting all the time. There is a difference.
Now don't get me wrong, gentle parenting seems ineffective and crazy to me! But there's a difference between a kid who's a bit of a brat and one who is totally feral (through not being cared about as much).

I’ve never met a 5-8 year old I can’t reason with in some way, at some point (children’s social worker). I’d say that’s a you thing.

Of course some children need more time and care and effort, but that’s usually a result of trauma… like physical abuse.

My mother hit me and my sister. Not often, but when it happened, it was always about a loss of control.

Dsis doesn't have children, but I have raised two and not hit them. It just wasn't necessary and my two were always incredibly well behaved.

My mother watched me in action more than once and when they were 14 and 16 she told me that she wished she had parented more like me, been more patient and not hit us.

My grandfathers clips were relatively gentle，certainly not enough to jostle my head. But firm enough to give a clear message.

If a mother in a cafe did it the way my grandfather used to, I doubt I would even notice. But also I might consider for a moment that the woman I. Question may well have sat down and thought through her decision on how she parents, and if my grandfather is a good example. I'm sure I would observed a child repeatedly misbehaving and not responding to any other form of punishment.
You may not agree that's fine, I simply sharing my experience.

But my larger point was the suggestion that people who do so, are evil and deserve state intervention.

I don't smack my kids, because I have never needed to. And because they generally respond to time outs, removal of privileges. But I was an awful teenager, who often would ignore all forms of punishment, and so sometimes my grandfather after several other methods and warnings would clip me around the ears, to show he was serious.

Just an example but I agree about the guard and most importantly agree they are too young to understand the dangers but they are also too young to understand a long and often repeated conversation as to why they should not do something.....if young kids spend vast amounts of time being lectured to I think that would be more damaging/ saddening.

That’s what I thought.

Why is it those children have now grown up and don't choose to hit their own children if it's such an amazing way to parent and nobody was negatively affected by it?

Of course hitting a child around the head is violent. That's what a clip round the ear is. Dress it up in whatever euphemism you like. It's still hitting.

What would you think if you were in a cafe tomorrow and a mum at the adjacent table just suddenly hit her child around the head for being rude?

Would you think "wow what a great mum teaching her child right from wrong?" Or would you think "bloody hell, she shouldn't be hitting her child around the head"?

While I don't necessarily agree with smacking children it was very common when I was a child, and I don't know anyone who was traumatised by it, and we all have very good relationships with our parents.

We certainly aren't the generation with huge amounts of mental health issues!

Now as an adult, I don't say intentionally rude things, and I don't say awful things to my siblings.

Did those clips round the ear help me change that behaviour. I would say they probably did. You may disagree as is your right!