Gentle Parenting has failed, lets accept this.

So your friend's 8 year old hits his Mum and you think the way to teach him that hitting is bad is to... hit him?

Me too. I raised two sons single handedly without smacking. They are both respectful and have never verbally abused me. They're adult now and great lads.

I’m not sure what gentle parenting is exactly but it always seems to be (wrongly?) interpreted as sappy, spineless parenting.

Of course it hasn't failed! My grandchildren were raised this way along with many other children I know and they are kind, considerate, confident children.
What has failed is people not understanding what it means

Of COURSE it's really bad to give them a smack. All you teach this is to hit when you're unhappy about something? Ffs

There’s a difference between gentle parenting and permissive parenting.

People seem to get very confused about what gentle parenting is and what it isn’t.

Gentle parenting does not mean there are no boundaries and you don’t stop behaviour that is unwanted.

Permissive parenting is letting children do whatever they want without any consequences.

There are “4 types” of parenting:

Permissive, Authoritative, Neglectful and Authoritarian.

Gentle parenting is Authoritative.

• Solves problems together with child
• Sets clear rules and expectations
• Open communication and natural consequences

Permissive parenting:

• Child-driven
• Rarely gives or enforces rules
• Overindulges child to avoid conflict

Hopefully this helps to explain that gentle parenting is not what you think it is and what the media/news articles like to show.

I was smacked on a few occasions as a child growing up in the 70s.

I have 2 dc who were never smacked. Disciplined but never physically chastised. I never needed to as my DH and I put in very clear boundaries and expectations from young. And consequences.

My DH and I have always been very involved, hands on parents. Many years were spent like ships in the night as we made sure that there was one of us around. No leaving dc to cry it out. Always at least one of us at every sports day, assembly, nativity, football match etc etc.

We are incredibly lucky that we were able to do this but it was bloody hard work. My dc are 14 and 17 now, well adjusted, great kids. Hard workers with good friends and good morals.

If gentle parenting means never saying No to a child then this is just flipping lazy. Our job as parents to teach our children to be decent people.

I do think that the rise of gentle parenting and the decrease in respect for authority had been a recipe for disaster. My dc were expected to say thank you to bus drivers, listen to teachers and behave themselves in restaurants. Is that too hard nowadays?

YANBU. I have never smacked my kids but then I’ve never needed to. From the age of 1 they knew ‘NO’ in a loud scary mum voice, and known if they repeatedly piss me off there will be consequences. I don’t give them endless choices either - I decide what they wear, what we have for breakfast, and what we do that day. They have limited choice, it isn’t all me dictating to them, but I’m the parent and I’m very much in charge. As a result my kids are happy, confident and not at all anxious like half of them seem to be now.

All this ‘aww they’re too little to understand right from wrong, just distract them… why not let them be their true selves and choose what they wear?… I apologised for raising my voice because I would want the same if somebody shouted at me..’ is a load of nonsense and why kids are badly behaved now.

Agreed. Parenting isn’t a binary choice between being a total sap and smacking your kids. You don’t have to do either to parent well!

Of course it works. She’s just not executing it correctly and consistently.

Physical punishment is an ABSOLUTE no-go, and should be made illegal in England asap.
All it does is teach kids that violence has a place in society and it absolutely does not.

It’s not gentle parenting that’s the problem, it’s people leaving their kids to their rooms, to screens, not putting in time with them, in many cases because they can’t, because they’re wrecked, because we’ve all lost sight of what the priorities should be. Add in non stop sugar and food that’s bad for children, lack of fresh air, quality sitting down and chatting time etc. this isn’t a smacking or non smacking thing

Remember, most of us 30 somethings that were raised amongst abuse know many peers that have committed suicide. Lots of DC we grew up with have been the victim of/commited domestic violence. We not all fine.

That is not gentle parenting at all. It's getting really tiring to see so many people trash gentle parenting. This is just being walked all over by your kids. And it's not about no repercussion. I'd suggest you do a bit more research on what gentle parenting actually is

Why does it have to be one extreme or the other? There's somewhere in the middle between gentle parenting and smacking your child.

It's perfectly possible to raise a child who behaves well without smacking them. It also makes absolutely no sense to teach a child not to smack but then turn around and smack them.

And this response with the consistently dictatorial style and attitude ("Let's call it out for what it is!/Carry on with your blinkered ways") tells me everything I need to know about you OP and why I suspect your reading material is the Daily Fail.

You are that person and it's (a) not pretty and (b) not intelligent and (c) not worth engaging in debate with.

I would dispute it not affecting you if you can so easily want to inflict pain and fear into those smaller and more defenseless than you.

No one should ever be hitting a child. You can discipline a child without using your significant size and power difference to frighten, physically intimidate, and harm them.

True gentle parenting is not permissive and holds strong boundaries. There are some great parts of gentle parenting, and it's lovely that we now recognise our children as people in their own right with emotions and wishes and thoughts.

There is also a place for authoritarian parenting. I don't think it should need a 10 minute discussion about feelings to get a child to put on their shoes. Children need to learn no, and that sometimes you do what you're told just because someone has asked you. It's an important lesson, and as adults we are all asked to do tasks we probably think are pointless at work!

I think a lot of people carry emotional wounds from their parents and overly authoritarian parenting where children weren't allowed to express feelings, and as a result, we've now gone too far the other way.

All kids are different and different scenarios require different methods of parenting. I don't think occasionally recieving a bollocking and being told no traumatises children. I always knew that if I disrespected a teacher, I'd have received a humongous telling off, and I knew that I'd have deserved it, because I was taught to respect others.

You can occasionally raise your voice or be a lot firmer, whilst still being gentle about it and comforting, exploring feelings, and repairing with your child when things are calmer imo 🤷 Shouting constantly is obviously wrong.

If you’re ok about hitting your work colleague, a retail assistant, your dentist or the annoyingly loud passenger on the train, then yeah go ahead and hit a child.

I have never smacked my children (late teens)and they are very well behaved. Why would hitting them teach them that hitting is bad? It would be like telling child to stop fucking swearing.

You are not being unreasonable ... the kids are in charge now.

Would you also be okay with a man giving his partner a smack on the back of the legs or bum if she ‘wouldn’t listen to reason’ and do what he wanted her to do?

If as adults we are required by law and our collective morals to never hit another adult unless it’s in self defence, how do you justify hitting a child much, much smaller than you who depends on you for their every need? It’s abuse, plain and simple.

Use your words, control your own feelings, and lead by example. There’s a whole big area of parenting between never saying no and hitting your children.

Very good point by previous poster about whether youre raising compliant children who will do what you, and by extension other authority figures want else be assaulted, or developing a sense of self and questioning children who defend themselves. The former is very useful in fascist societies, as is corporal violence. The latter better for humanity and thinking, compassionate societies everywhere!

I don't hit the several adults I know who are rude, disrespectful and poorly behaved so wouldn't smack a child. There's never a good reason to do so.

I have a 2 year old and teach 4-6 year olds. I've never, ever thought 'you just need a smack'. I also dont shout 🤔 and I don't believe that you cannot reason with some children. all children want to be liked and loved and want to be 'good'.

I think neither of you understand what people mean by gentle parenting.

Just because your "friends" parenting has failed that doesn't mean gentle parenting can't work.

It's also a massive logical fallacy to suggest that just YOU were OK with it, beating children is an effective parenting technique.

Also you don't "reason" with a belligerent child. You parent them.

It has affected you. You are stuck in a cycle of abuse. I don't think genuine gentle parenting is the cause for behavioir problems. It is because of lazy/abusive parenting and unsupported SEN due to funding cuts.