Gentle Parenting has failed, lets accept this.

I’m not a parent (yet!) but one thing my husband and I have been very united on after watching our nieces and nephews be raised is that we are not going to raise our children to never know a minute of discomfort. That seems to be the main focus of parenting today - constant stream of snacks, never allowed to be bored even for a second, attention given as soon as it’s demanded… it seems so bad for children and was definitely not how we were raised in the 90’s! As long as your kids are safe it’s okay to say “I’m talking right now, wait a moment.” or “You can’t have a snack right now, you’re having lunch soon.” etc. I feel very strongly on this, and it’s not the way children are raised in many other countries (and children behave much better there!)

I brought up two boys alone. They weren't hit and they have never been in any kind of trouble (not even a detention, ever). They’ve grown up to be very good people. If I can do it then it can be done.

Why on earth are you so keen to hit children?

Whilst I agree it should be banned, the conversations will never end. We are still discussing capital punishment!

There are plenty of ways to teach discipline and good behaviour to a child that do not involve violence. I find it absurd that hitting a child is still considered an appropriate punishment for them not doing something as they were told, but hitting an adult for the same reason is called assault.

You're obviously just looking to give your kids a smack. I'm an elder millennial, I was smacked as a child. I wouldn't smack my kids. It's fucking disgusting and I resent my parents for not having the emotional maturity to parent without putting their hands on me.

My DD has been challenging at times. I'm firm with her, I absolutely do not hit her. If you're smacking them it's because you've lost control. Good luck with that when they get too big for you to hit. What happens then?

Gen X were holding ecstasy fueled illegal raves in fields and causing no end of annoyance to landowners back in the day. The Government had to draft extra legislation to deal with you lot! So maybe you weren't beaten enough and that was the problem!!!

I am not a fan of crap parenting disguised as "gentle parenting". And I know there are issues in schools etc at the moment (some of that likely down to Covid). So yes, parental discipline/boundaries matter. But lets not pretend Generation Z/generation alpha are the first generations to cause concerned letters to the Daily Telegraph regarding their behaviour.

I have children of both sexes and have never smacked them. But they push my buttons a lot more when together than one on one, and boys are factually more likely to be violent or destructive than girls.

As a gen x'er, and with gen x'er friends, I find it incredibly interesting, that around 80-90% of the time when we get together, and the drinks get flowing, at a certain point of the evening, we sit around and 'fondly' reminisce about 'the good ol' days, and the punishments we had'.

Since I've got sober, it's been impossible to ignore the very real pain and trauma that underlies these stories. Because it wasn't a 'measured smack', it was a lot bigger person who lost their temper, and was angry as fuck, taking it out on a littler person.

If you've raised the first child badly, then the other 2 will be just as bad probably.

It's fuck all to do with whether the children were smacked or not

These threads always make me laugh. OP is outraged by failure of "gentle parenting" but doesn't have a clue what it is.

Actualy, there's a lot of truth to the fact that many of the children whoa re particularly disruptive and difficult in class are the same ones who get shouted at a lot at home. Not always, of course. But ask any teacher and for every child who is spoiled and annoying because mummy and daddy over indulge them, thre's another whose parents are neglectful and shouty. Random shouting and excessive, ad hoc punishments are NOT effective, for many reasons, but most especially because they're often inconsisent. Applied consistently, they might be more effective, but mostly becusethe child is just scared/cowed. Which is the same for physical punishment - if your child is obedient, it's because they're scared. I'm not sure how that seems like a good thign to you.

I have 2 boys and 4 girls and never smacked any of them.

You can have firm or non-gentle parenting without needing to smack a child. The 'gentle parent' suffers most from the approach the OP objects to.

Thank you, that's very kind. We're doing much better these days and I appreciate your kindness.

Lots of parents have faced similar or far worse challenges, of course – and most of them without resorting to violence, thankfully!

I often wonder what the advocates of hitting a child would do when hitting doesn't work. Hit them harder? Or try something else?

I was brought up in a violent home and I was violent in my childhood and teenage years. I wouldn't have thought twice about slapping another student at school because it was so normal at home. It took me a long time to process my childhood and heal.

I'm not an expert but I think there is a big difference between gentle parenting where you have boundaries and just letting your child be an absolute menace.

Have you any evidence to support that claim?

If you genuinely think that the parents did everything the same, and introduced a smack instead of an alternative, you'd think that the smack is the one difference between well behaved and not?

It's a result of if poor boundaries, not holding firm, not having expectations etc that's caused this. Not the absence of smacking.

This. Also, normalising abuse and carrying it into the next generation is a vv common response to being abused as a child. If ‘it’s not that bad / it’s normal / it’s just a different method of parenting’ the child doesn’t have to face up to what their parents have done.

I’m not necessarily blaming the generation that are currently grandparent age (at least the ones who smacked rather than using implements / causing serious injury) - they did the best they could with the knowledge they had. That doesn’t make assaulting your own child right.

That is ONE parent though. One. No, you should never, ever hit/smack/slap, in any way physically discipline your child. It is lazy and pointless.

The world is a terrible place right now and who is running it? It isn't adults who were gentle parented as children, that's for sure. Perhaps if we work harder at gentle parenting (which is NOT just letting kids do whatever they want with no consequences), by the time the youngest generation has grown up there will be less selfish, violent, ugly behaviour and a bit more compassion.

When I was a school in the 80s and 90s the children behaving "badly" were almost always the ones from homes where parents were anything but gentle. I strongly suspect that is still the case.

No, it’s realism.

Who, on a balance of probabilities, is easier to control? 1 girl by herself, or 3 boys together?

I'm so very sorry, that must have been unbelievably hard. Wishing you both well.

Would you smack partner or friend? Why is it okay to do it to a child?

Obviously. It’s what you do to someone you can’t reason with.

It's frankly insulting to the parents of boys / multiples to suggest either of those things mean they must want to smack their children.

My parenting experience has not been without its challenges. DD going through an extended period of bedtime refusal after the sudden death of her dad during Covid was a pretty trying time to say the least. Unsurprisingly, my patience was near non-existent at times. But I still never wanted to be physically violent towards my child.

Smacking stopped decades ago in most schools and families

Kids violence is a relatively new thing
Alines with austerity and a overstretched social care system

I would hazard a guess there is more to it than that. Otherwise only kids who got smacked turn out well and those that didn't will be feral.

There will be toxic dynamics in the family that have nothing to do with smacking or not. It will be the way the parents talk to each other, how they talk to their children, how safe the children feel at home, how loved they feel, the lack of (or too strict) boundaries that were set and a number of other factors.

Do you have children? Do you hit them?