Gentle Parenting has failed, lets accept this.

wait until they are 5-8 and your mind will change

Are you ok?

let them tell me why they threw the mud, discuss

Please tell us how this conversation would go?

Precisely this.

if truly “nothing works” with your friends child I hazard a guess she has not been consistent with boundaries or discipline, or he has additional needs that can’t be met in this way.

Gentle parenting is not permissive parenting.

I have witnessed a child in a park deliberately throw mud at their parents. Shouting ensued, and no follow up.

If/when my child does that, I would swiftly leave the park and calmly explain why that was wrong - let them tell me why they threw the mud, discuss, and move on.

Shouting and whacking is not effective.

Nobody has answered my question yet.

Why are kids so much more violent now event though theyre much less likely to have been smacked themselves?

Gentle parenting is the best method of parenting when done properly and should include discipline and boundaries. But whatever parenting style you choose there's never a good reason to hit or humiliate a child (or adult for that matter)

The reasons why families are struggling are way more complex than 'you should just hit your kids'

Gentle parenting which involves treating the child like a person with vaild thoughts, feelings and emotions. Is often misunderstood for letting children get away with errant behaviour it's not about ignoring your child or having no consequences for actions.

One of the reasons families are struggling more is the lack of community nowadays. A lot of previous generations would get help from parents, neighbours, local community members. That's dried up, grandparents are working much longer, services are spread thin and are borough wide rather than village.

In days gone it was much more common to have one income families now with two parents working full time trying to parent in the few remaining hours in the day when tired and stressed is hard. Childcare facilities are doing a lot of the child rearing and it's no subs.

It's common knowledge that screens are having a massive impact on children and their behaviour. It's hard to know how to navigate that when they are such an integral part of society now.

Schools are fuller than ever and on the receiving end of less staff and budget cuts. So many Sen kids where the mainstream classroom is not necessarily the best environment for them but there's no where else for them to go.

I have a son who I gentle parenting. He has additional needs and I found this approach worked better. My older dc who are NT I probably parented something between gentle and authoritative. my son has a consistent routine , boundaries around screen time and behaviour. I manage his environment and aim not to give him more than he can manage in terms of my expectations of him. It works well for him

So many little shits about. Just some consistent parenting is best

Mine are 31, 26 and 21 and I never changed my mind. I was strict with mine and they’ve grown up beautifully but I never raised my hand to them. I did raise my voice on occasions though!

Your parenting sounds similar to mine. This is what I wondered further up. It would have been better to have called it somethimg else and not gentle, which seems to get wildly misinterpreted. I think my parenting would have likely been in the gentle category (no smacking, no ‘punishments’ as such (no naughty step etc). I would talk with (not at) my children once the dust had settled about whatever the situation was.

It should be renamed really, I would like to think I did ‘intelligent’ parenting.

Better gentle parenting than lazy parenting that relies on abuse.
Kids all play up to some extent. Teaching your kids other people matter is more about community than isolating or restricting friendships, for example. If they think other people don't matter it is usually because they have been made to feel they don't matter, by the parents whacking them or treating them like dog muck, certainly not the gentle parents.

Tbh OP it doesn't seem like you have a clue what gentle parenting actually is and you seem to have a misguided (at best) view about the impact of smacking on a child.

In gentle parenting the fundamental principle is that you have to have the connection before you can enforce correction. Somebody who is truly following a gentle parenting method will focus on maintaining that connection with their child. It is putting that connection to the forefront of your mind and prioritising this over punishment/control. What it isn't is meekly saying 'oh it's best not to do that darling' whilst your little terror divebombs your newborn/smashes the front window with a baseball bat. There definitely can and should be consequences but they should be logical and child-centred rather than abitrary/abusive. None of what you described is gentle parenting tbh. The truth is as well that the 2 aren't mutually exclusive. Not excusing any violence against children but a child who has loving and engaged parents who have taken the time to build good foundations but taps their kid on the hand every so often because they've run out into the middle of a road for example is likely to be far less traumatised than a child with an explosive parent who doesn't give them quality time, is inconsistent and randomly goes apeshit at them because they aren't in control of their emotions.

I think the challenge with today's parenting is actually less about how corporal we are with consequences and more about our inability to truly engage with our children tbh. Some of this is because we lead busier lives and parents tend to have to return to work earlier. Some of it is that our society seems to have forgotten the importance and normality of childhood experiences

This. I didn't even realise it had a label but this is how I raised my kids and they turned out to be good people. I don't think discipline is what children need so much as to be treated as human beings with feelings. Teach them by example and model good behaviour and they will grow and develop respect. It's the respect that makes the difference, it punishments or violence.

Gentle parenting does not mean not disciplining your children.

If you feel the need to smack or use any type of physical punishment then there is something very wrong with you. The thought of someone smacking their child makes me feel sick.

I remember when I was smacked as a kid and it didn't stop any of the behaviours I was being smacked for but it did make me feel really fucking angry and like I wanted to fight back and be violent to the parent who was hitting/smacking me because that's a normal reaction when being hit isn't it?

I'm a parent and there have been times when I could have slapped one of my kids quite easily out of pure anger because anyone with kids knows that they do push you to your absolute limit but I always remember the feeling of just wanting to lash back out at whoever was hitting me.

Being hit as a child didn't cause me any harm in the long run though and I would say it has actually made me a better parent because it's taught me that it's a really bad way to communicate and it doesn't make your children respect you or behave.

To say "I was hit and it didn't do me any harm" then to go on and hit your own kids shows that it did in fact harm you if you think it's acceptable to do that to your own kids.

There is absolutely no need to smack. There is a vast spectrum of discipline from smacking to permissive parenting (which is what most people are thinking of when they talk about gentle parenting). Children need boundaries and to hear the word no. They need to be parented to understand they are not the centre of the universe, to consider others and to be kind and thoughtful. That does not, ever, mean smacking.

I personally think a lot of people are just not strict enough day to day. I see so much low-level bad behaviour from children of friends - allowing them to make noise in cafes, stand on chairs, run around town and get in peoples' way. My parents were strict (I'm 43) but never smacked me, but I was very much expected to be quiet and behave myself, and I expect the same of my child now.

I don't think you understand what gentle parenting actually is, it isn't about being overly permissive. Inform yourself first.
Do you have DC OP? It sounds like you don't and that you are just part of an older generation that judges what others are doing without having experienced it firstly yourself.
Physical violence, even if minor, should NEVER be encouraged, even less so when the victim is a small, armless child, no matter how annoying they are. You are essentially teaching your kids that it's ok to use a bit of violence to sort out a situation, which is a behaviour they might pick up and use with others themselves.

FWIW, I know two families who use the sort of approach you are advocating for and their kids are awful and disrespectful. I am not surprised tbh.

Also, children shouldn't "fear" adults, ffs!

I would totally tell them that!
Do you not think it is assault?

I hadn't heard of it until I read about it on here.

It explains why so many kids are running around screaming in supermarkets.

I think people confuse gentle parenting with lazy parenting. They're not the same thing. Gentle parenting it is actually quite hard work as you're still parenting, you're just doing it in a way that you're not reacting from your own frustrated emotions. You still need to set clear and consistent boundaries. You still need to help children understand the consequence and impact of their actions.

I personally don't follow any parenting technique but I have worked hard at being a more thoughtful and more gentle parent and our house is a much calmer, happier house as a result.

Parents that let their children run wild and can't be bothered are not gentle parenting, they just aren't parenting.

There is never any need to resort to violence against your own children. Nothing about it helps the child, it's just a sign of the adult losing control.

I'm a teacher and all the teacher's I know agree that there has been a marked change in children's behaviour however I don't think it is down to it no longer being deemed acceptable to smack or hit children. I think that what we are seeing a lot from children now is disrespect and entitlement and I think a lot of it comes from parenting but I don't think that it's a coincidence that it has coincided with advances in technology, particularly smartphones and computer games and the loss of a play-based childhood which many of us grew up with. I don't believe in putting children down however I am also seeing teachers terrified of writing school reports that will piss off parents if they highlight any problems (I've also seen headteachers sending reports back to teachers to be rewritten because they've been worried about complaints from parents if the reports specify any problems or issues). I think that we have also taken taking on children's views and opinions to an extreme, putting them on a different level to where they have ever been in the past. I think children should have a voice but in the context of understanding that they are children and don't have the knowledge, experience or development to fully grasp the intricacies of some things. What I am seeing now is many children believing that they know more than everyone, including adults and so they are indignant when an adult dares to attempt to pull them up on anything.

As it happens I have twins, both very strong characters, neither of them naturally compliant. I’m not smug and there wasn’t anything easy about it.

It’s frustrating to be told I’m “lucky” to have well behaved kids, as if they were magically born that way and it wasn’t the result of years of hard work and effort on our part.

Clearly you think the only way to turn out well behaved kids is to hit them, it’s not true.

We have a nine year old and a three year old, both have additional needs, we use gentle parenting with both. We have never assaulted them or had the urge to assault them.

Who says gentle parenting doesn't work
All the ones running riot , probably had no parenting at all ,and no boundaries
I was smacked a lot as a child ,and it contributed to me having no contact with either of my parents.
I parented gently, respectfully,and with boundaries..my adult children are all in good jobs ,never been in any trouble and doing well .
So you can't generalize saying gentle parenting doesn't work

Depends on the child and what the "gentle parenting" extends to. My daughter is autistic and responds better to how I deal with her. She's responsible, goes to school every day and is about to do her GCSEs and I have no complaints about her behaviour. To make a sweeping generalisation is not helpful.

Thing is - not every child will respond to your talking and explaining

Sone children do need punishment because they are quite happy to listen to the stuff and ignore it

It's child dependent

And it's why sone kids run rings around the adults - because they don't give two hoots that someone else is upset or hurt by it