Gentle Parenting has failed, lets accept this.

I was hit to the point of bruising, repeatedly, in the 70s/80s, until I was aged about 12. I wasn't a wilfully 'naughty' child - I was ND (not diagnosed until later life, I doubt my working class parents had heard of autism) so was sometimes unable to do things, and had meltdowns/obsessions and my parents' response was to get the slipper out. I was never hit at school although corporal punishment did happen at my schools, and I was a high academic achiever.

I don't think being hit has helped me at all in life. Now my parents are old and frail and dependent because their marbles are rolling away, I wish I could go back to those days and tell them that one day, the balance of power would be completely reversed, and they should keep their fucking hands off me.

As might be obvious, I fully support a ban on smacking.

Agreed - the poster is using this behaviour as a justification for smacking. But the fact that both brothers set fire to property is good evidence that the parenting tactics used were NOT appropriate.

Fear/shame-based parenting and corporal punishment instils hostility & resentment in the child. Depending on the personality, the child might retaliate with aggressive acts like this (to get back at the parents they can’t hit back) or become cowed and anxious (internalising the negative feelings and believing they deserve the violence).

All this example does is evidence that violence against children creates defiant and disrespectful behaviour. Setting fire to household property is not a natural behaviour of happy & secure children.

You won't! I was smacked regularly with the hand, the belt, the slipper. Are me and my DB traumatised? No, but life would have been better had we not been smacked, but our parents didn't know any better at the time. Will we/do we smack our children, absolutely not and I say that as a mum of two children aged 10 and 12. What I am is strict, they know boundaries and they know exactly how far they can push me, they are warned before they get there. If they choose to ignore the warnings there will be consequences that they won't like but it won't ever be physical.

My experience as a nursery teacher for 25 years too.

I don't believe there is such a thing as "middle class" gentle parenting. Stop vilifying a group of people.

There are many shit parents. They come from a variety of socio-economic groups.

I agree that England will follow suit soon enough. @Zod666 The reason it isn’t illegal yet is because legal changes often lag behind changes in moral consensus and scientific evidence. The legal system is usually responsive rather than proactive. The government is currently looking at the changes in Wales and Scotland with a view to reflect upon the situation in England.

I totally agree with this. Gentle parenting doesn’t have to be soft . You can have a firm voice, sanctions, clear and firm boundaries, sticker charts, naughty steps .. but smacking is never a good idea.
Learning from others / books, classes, YouTube videos is so helpful as kids grow through various stages. I really felt like I needed lessons and help at different stages and looked for different people until I found people with a similar values to me to help me learn.

Smacking is lazy parenting IMO. Smacking only happens when OP are out of their depth and unable to cope. Go read a book on how to parent 5-8 year olds instead of taking the lazy option of threat and violence.

Even more awful that this assault seems to have been targeted more heavily towards one of the children than it was for the other two due to that one child being "daft" and "pushing" the poster too far (which is horrid as it implies it's the child's own fault that their parent was abusing them). I wonder in years to come whether this child will have more of a distant relationship from their parents due to the overall culture on the family whereby they're the "awkward" one who doesn't fit in with everyone else.

You can’t think for yourself what good parenting should be like? So glad I’m not in England, what an old fashioned society.

Why don't we continue smacking into adulthood? Maybe we can include it in the disciplinary procedures at work. Strike 1 verbal warning, strike 2 a good smack...

I always thought gentle parenting was a load of old rubbish mainly because when someone told me they were doing it their kids were awful. What they were actually doing was just checking out of parenting. Or I would see complete ineffectual wet blankets letting little stroppylou kick off, run riot and scream blue murder whilst said wet blankets tell all in the vicinity that stroppy Lou is just artistic and expressing themselves. Whereas what @Lolapusht describes is much more what gentle parenting is and done in this way does work. Smacking kids is wrong. If you are smacking your child you have already lost control and smacking won’t get it back.

The OP has irritated me. Maybe I'll just give her a smack.

After all, she thinks it's an excellent technique.

If you are advocating for child abuse, which is what hitting a child is, then it clearly did not “do no harm” to you.

That is really crap and lazy parenting. Surely you must be able to do better than hitting your children.

I would expect them to earn money to pay for a replacement.

I used to suffer physical violence at the hands of my adopted DD1 (now nearly 16) between the ages of 6 and 10. I was at my wits end! She was offered therapy, which involved 10 sessions of ‘theraplay’, to improve the bonding between her and my DH and me. She stopped lashing out physically, though she still threw things and screamed at us. (All this is much improved now, though.)

DD1 has been diagnosed as suffering from FASD and is now being assessed for epilepsy.

Smacking her would have been so wrong!

Nasty nasty bullying parenting through fear. Your poor kids.

Did my post mention violence? Not what I said at all. I'm also a 1:1 to manage behaviour because this child is so out of control, as are many in schools.

Your kids could make an informed choice as to whether their parent assaulted them or not?

I don't know what's worse actually, lashing out in anger, or making the cold, calculated choice to do physically assault your child.

Abhorrent behaviour.

I don't what's worse - physically hurting your child in anger or the cold calculation of planning in advance to physically hurt them.

Plus if it were true that "middle class BS" gentle parenting is responsible for badly behaved kids, then all the working class ones would be angels, right? Especially the ones that get a slap? Can't say that's my experience...

Some parents are not good at parenting, regardless of class. Some children are particularly difficult. Sweeping generalisations about smacking are unlikely to solve either issue.

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You are being deliberately goady op.

We are just about to ban smacking completely in England, it will be illegal. So the law does not agree with you.

If you think this will lead to a lawless society you are welcome to leave.

I have never hit my children, they are now adults and are well rounded, respectful, intelligent, socially responsible adults that are an absolute credit to themselves. They have absolute respect for their bodies and autonomy- thanks largely to their respectful and gentle upbringing.

They learnt boundaries, rules and respect through explanation, natural consequences and experience - not through physical assault.

You can psycho analyse me all you want but it’s a load of rubbish and I know myself far better than you do.