Gentle Parenting has failed, lets accept this.

It did affect you because you think it’s ok to hit children. Should your boss give you a slap when you make a mistake? A police officer whack a thief around the legs? It sounds ridiculous because we know that hitting adults is an offence and is not allowed. Why on Earth do people think it’s ok to hit children? The only thing a child learns from being hit is that it is ok to hit others.
In my opinion from working with children the main reason children behave badly is because they lack a connection with their parents and a lack of getting out and about in nature. Children spend too long in front of screens, as do parents, and not enough time going for a walk together, eating meals together and generally talking/playing together.

wait until they are 5-8 and your mind will change!

I read everyday about children's behaviour, even primary school age where they are out of control, don't fear or respect adults and this is all down to that loverly middle class BS known as 'Gentle Parenting'.

Let's just call this out for what it is, because it does not work. I have a friend who's 8 year old son does what he likes, is disrespectful, hits his mum and no amount of 'punishment' such as removal of electronic devices etc makes a blind bit of difference, he just does not care.

So how do we discipline children like this? is it really bad to give them a measured smack on the back of the legs/bum? Obviously there is a difference between a smack to correct a child and beating the hell out of them which is child abuse and should be prosecuted, and in England smacking is still legal.......

In years gone by their have always been kids that will go too far, and by this I mean the James Bulger killers who I think no amount of discipline would have changed their outcome in life, but for the majority of kids I feel we are failing them with this soft approach where there think they can do anything without repercussions.

AIBU?

Im looking forward to the day when England finally bans smacking and we can hopefully stop having these ridiculous conversations about it being okay when all evidence shows it isn’t.

@Zod666 how are you defining “gentle parenting”?

It sounds like you think “normal parenting” is hitting your child and “gentle parenting” is everything else. Is that your definition?

I would argue that

• “permissive parenting” is no punishments or consequences (eg toy gets broken - so what - buy another one)
• “gentle parenting” is natural consequences only (eg if a toy gets broken, the child no longer has that toy, or has to help fix it)
• “strict parenting” is rules and punishment unrelated to the transgression (eg trip to park is cancelled if toy gets broken)
• “corporal punishment” is hitting a child to discipline them (you broke the toy, I’ll cause you pain)

The worst-behaved children I know of have parents who believe in smacking and shouting. Go figure.

This is exactly why I no longer wish to participate in this discussion because as usual with MN it turns into a witch-hunt.

For the benefit of all responders, I do not have children, however I have known my friends son from being born and believe me she has read many articles/books on the subject of gentle parenting and up until school age it seemed to be working but since going to school her sons behaviour has become gradually worse and despite working with the school nothing seems to work.

It's painful for me to watch and like I said, I, as a Gen X and many others I know were disciplined by a smack to the legs/behind in the past and it has not done me an ounce of harm.

As I don't have kids I have obviously never smacked one and neither has my friend as she in her own words has removed herself from the situation before it has come to that but she has asked the question if it would work, perhaps out of desperation, as all other methods she has studied have failed.

thanks for all of your responses, as the dragons say "I'm out".....but finally, if my question/suggestion is so outlandish, how do you explain the results of the poll attached to this thread?

This is exactly why I no longer wish to participate in this discussion because as usual with MN it turns into a witch-hunt.

For the benefit of all responders, I do not have children, however I have known my friends son from being born and believe me she has read many articles/books on the subject of gentle parenting and up until school age it seemed to be working but since going to school her sons behaviour has become gradually worse and despite working with the school nothing seems to work.

It's painful for me to watch and like I said, I, as a Gen X and many others I know were disciplined by a smack to the legs/behind in the past and it has not done me an ounce of harm.

As I don't have kids I have obviously never smacked one and neither has my friend as she in her own words has removed herself from the situation before it has come to that but she has asked the question if it would work, perhaps out of desperation, as all other methods she has studied have failed.

thanks for all of your responses, as the dragons say "I'm out".....but finally, if my question/suggestion is so outlandish, how do you explain the results of the poll attached to this thread?

What an arrogant statement. Of course it's not necessary to have children to be capable of forming valid opinions on how they should be brought up.

If you don’t have children then quite frankly you don’t have a fucking clue what you’re talking about and should take your judgement and your inaccurate assumptions elsewhere.

I couldn’t tell you if someone was good at sheeting a sheep, I’m not a farmer I’ve never done it.

I couldn’t tell you if someone was good at plastering a wall. I’m not a plasterer I’ve never done it.

You don’t know if someone is good at parenting. You’re not a parent, you’ve never done it.

There's a big leap between gentle parenting and smacking though?!

You obviously don't have a clue what gentle parenting is.

This is exactly why I no longer wish to participate in this discussion because as usual with MN it turns into a witch-hunt.

For the benefit of all responders, I do not have children, however I have known my friends son from being born and believe me she has read many articles/books on the subject of gentle parenting and up until school age it seemed to be working but since going to school her sons behaviour has become gradually worse and despite working with the school nothing seems to work.

It's painful for me to watch and like I said, I, as a Gen X and many others I know were disciplined by a smack to the legs/behind in the past and it has not done me an ounce of harm.

As I don't have kids I have obviously never smacked one and neither has my friend as she in her own words has removed herself from the situation before it has come to that but she has asked the question if it would work, perhaps out of desperation, as all other methods she has studied have failed.

thanks for all of your responses, as the dragons say "I'm out".....but finally, if my question/suggestion is so outlandish, how do you explain the results of the poll attached to this thread?

This is exactly why I no longer wish to participate in this discussion because as usual with MN it turns into a witch-hunt.

For the benefit of all responders, I do not have children, however I have known my friends son from being born and believe me she has read many articles/books on the subject of gentle parenting and up until school age it seemed to be working but since going to school her sons behaviour has become gradually worse and despite working with the school nothing seems to work.

It's painful for me to watch and like I said, I, as a Gen X and many others I know were disciplined by a smack to the legs/behind in the past and it has not done me an ounce of harm.

As I don't have kids I have obviously never smacked one and neither has my friend as she in her own words has removed herself from the situation before it has come to that but she has asked the question if it would work, perhaps out of desperation, as all other methods she has studied have failed.

thanks for all of your responses, as the dragons say "I'm out".....but finally, if my question/suggestion is so outlandish, how do you explain the results of the poll attached to this thread?

I've noticed this. I find if I'm very gentle and loving , acknowledging feelings etc , child will not listen. When I raise my voice and very firmly correct the behaviour, they listen. I certainly wouldn't smack a child , but they do listen when I'm firm

In your opinion, I can say as a Gen X I had the occasional smack to keep me in line from my parents and it didn't affect me.

Can you accept that some of that is luck rather than whatever you did? I didn't smack, spent lots of time with them (although I had to work) didn't do anything different. People would say how great my first was, he'd sleep 12 hours a night, not picky about food, never had to move things so he wouldn't break things. The second one barely slept, was a terrible eater, was a nightmare if he could get hold of anything he'd break it, spent hours in A&E having him patched up after he'd jumped off something or smashed something and cut himself. He's fine as an adult but my God the early years were hard.

Good parenting is obviously a help but the child's personality also comes into it.