Gentle Parenting has failed, lets accept this.

I'm an adult and if I got a 'gentle chastisement' like that I'd, quite rightly, report it as a physical assault. I'm horrified by comments like this

Agree with this.

I'm an adult and if I got a 'gentle chastisement' like that I'd, quite rightly, report it as a physical assault. I'm horrified by comments like this.

Haven’t RTWT but re.OP’s example of her friends 8 yo. I believe children should know how to behave by 5. By 8, too late or a hell of a little of behaviour to attempt to undo.

Edited to add that you don’t need to physically discipline (smack) a child to show them where the boundaries between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour is.

I haven't RTFT but I'm getting really sick of this hoary old cliche about how "gentle parenting" is responsible for all the ills in the world. It's a non argument blown up into an excuse for people who feel inferior to have a rant about people who give this some thought.

Partly for all the good reasons people have explained upthread: "gentle parenting" is used inaccurately to mean permissive and lax parenting, different children respond differently, scaring and threatening children doesn't achieve anything other than to create fear, distrust and resentment.

But above all else because there's a really nasty, vindictive edge in a lot of these comments which reeks of people who for years have been sitting on the urge to hit their kids now feeling the unrestrained joy of letting them have it.

It's the parenting equivalent of the Trump doctrine: I finally feel able to air my brutal and ill educated views on how shouting at and bullying my children will set the world to rights.

For the record I don't consider myself a "gentle parent" just a pragmatic parent who exercises compassion with boundaries.

Violence yes, but a smack is not violent. It is gentle chastisement. This gentle parenting started in the US and they are not a great advertisement for it.

The op both doesn't understand what gentle parenting is and hasn't read any of the huge amount of well-researched evidence on how violence negatively impacts children.

I don't think there's any point in arguing with someone in that position.

What’s that got to do with gentle parenting?

I grew up in a rough estate and the kids who got the beat at home nearly invariably were absolutely wild outside. Their parents would've called it "discipline" or "smacking" btw, i call it beating because what else can you call it when someone two or three times the height and weight of the other person hits them? Violence breeds violence. And if you need to beat your kids to get them to behave you're a shit parent.

Exactly. I had one child who was very difficult and one who was easy. Children are born with very different personalities. The child raising books tell you that children want to please their parents, this was definitely not the case with one of my children, he got pleasure from winding me up. I would like to say he improved as he got older but he didn't and still causes me a lot of grief. I don't think it was down to me, there are other children like this in my husband's family.

Children that are exposed to violence are more likely to become violent adults, like yourself. They are more likely to become domestic abusers as adults. Do you think that is the 'correct behavour'?

I suppose its how you see it. I never saw it as violence. I saw it as a consequence. We were never injured from a slap or actually hurt.

It never occurred to me as a child - or an adult, to think of it as violence.

I was unfortunately bullied a lot in school and abused by men in my 20s, that was violence to me.

Totally agree OP, there would be much less violence in society if we hit children.

We got a smack when we needed it growing up. I'm 37 so not really old.

It taught us that people had limits and not everyone outside in the real world will be gentle and kind with you if you keep pissing them off and pushing boundaries, after being warned.
It did not scar me nor traumatise me.

Obviously this is only my experience and others do and will differ greatly!

I'm happy with how I was raised, how I turned out, and the fantastic relationship I have with my parents.

Children that are exposed to violence are more likely to become violent adults, like yourself. They are more likely to become domestic abusers as adults. Do you think that is the 'correct behavour'?

I'm asking you if what they learn from being smacked - that is, that you can hit people if they don't behave how you want them to - is fine?

Gentle and permissive parenting are two completely different things, you can't use them interchangeably.

Gentle parenting is all about boundaries and learning to behave in society, with supports where appropriate, and taking responsibility for their actions.

It's okay to smack children to correct misbehaviour. Perfectly legal in England and many other places in the world.

That is gentle parenting.

I don't agree with smacking. I also don't agree with gentle/permissive parenting. Children need boundaries. Not everything is someone else's fault. You cannot excuse a behaviour by blaming a condition, either. They may need supports but, ultimately, they still need to learn to behave in society. Children need to take responsibility for their actions and also.to be told, "no".

I just don't know any nightmare kids. All my nieces and nephews are lovely little people, all my friends' kids are same. None have ever been slapped or shouted at but have clear boundaries set. Most of my partner's family are teachers in fairly low income areas and report some difficulties teaching kids whose young lives were terribly disrupted by the pandemic but otherwise enjoy their work and like their pupils.

Just have no knowledge or experience of what you're claiming op.

Like what? For a two year old? I don't really understand what 'gentle parenting' is but from some of the explanations here, I think I probably did/do it. If you know and understand your child, a serious conversation really does hit home. Explaining about other people's feelings isn't soft or inactive. It's really important. You can see a child's face change when they get it. Because they've thought about it and considered other people and their feelings and circumstances as distinct from their own. You can scare a child into obedience, sure. But only when you're around. I'm 100% certain that children who are chaotic and aggressive at school are far more likely to be living in fear of violence at home than those not whacked routinely. As other people have said, piss poor and negligent parenting is a huge issue. Violence at home even more so.

So it's fine if they hit people who don't do what they want, as long as you get the short term benefit of them obeying you out of fear? Incredible parenting.

Yes indeed, it's increasingly clear from your articulate, measured and informed responses to anyone who disagrees with you that being smacked hasn't affected you in the slightest and you are not at all consumed with irrational anger and insecurities.👍

it is underway right now. I think it’s very likely in this parliament. It is obscene to imagine that it’s ever been ‘allowed’ thank goodness times are moving on.

Prosecution I expect, social services investigation and parenting courses so the parents can learn how to discipline and instil good behaviour without resorting to violence.

But the behaviour changes to the correct behaviour.