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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To really not be enjoying having two children?

81 replies

maggiepies · 06/03/2025 09:35

I can’t say I regret it exactly as obviously I love them very much as individuals but I hate spending time with them together. It’s stressful and noisy and draining.

Not helped by every single other person I know locally only having one! And their households and days out just seem so, so much calmer in contrast!

OP posts:
QuickPeachPoet · 06/03/2025 16:52

maggiepies · 06/03/2025 09:44

It is difficult … I don’t really have anyone to help, but they do go to nursery for three days a week. It’s difficult balancing everything. So yes we go out but then the younger one needs a nap, the older one doesn’t want to leave. It’s tricky and does make me realise how comparatively it was with one, although I didn’t think so at the time!

Your older child's needs need to be a priority too, so the younger one should nap in a pram. It's not fair if the older one is dragged away from an activity over a nap.

Mandylovescandy · 06/03/2025 16:30

Have this age gap and love it but agree you are at a difficult stage of it. Feels like it is about the age you are at that is gets easier with younger one starting to drop nap soon and being more able to play. I do remember taking one child out at that age and thinking how relaxing and straightforward it was and anytime I visit family who all have one DC they are always ready to go and I am trying to get both mine organised. Fingers crossed yours start playing together nicely soon and it will all be easier

MrsSkylerWhite · 06/03/2025 16:28

Loved having our two because they have just a week shy of a 9 year age gap. Almost everyone we knew with two or three under fives spent much of their day refereeing. It seemed to pass once they started school.

Itsjustnotthevibe · 06/03/2025 16:27

I found it so hard when my two were little, my youngest didn't sleep very much so I was knackered and it was difficult to cater to both of their different needs. Now they are older it's great, they are so lovely together. I know it's a bit of a cliche but it does get easier, try and focus on the good bits now if you can.

Showercap22 · 06/03/2025 16:26

maggiepies · 06/03/2025 15:30

And yes, just one child is becoming increasingly popular. I think because everything is so expensive.

Or because it's easier.

BruFord · 06/03/2025 16:26

It’s tough at their ages, mine are 3 years apart and we had exactly the same issues with DS needing to nap and DD wanting to be out and about. I found that it got easier when the youngest dropped his naps, which was around 3 for him, and considerably easier when he was 4.5-5 and could really join in with everything ( and wanted to).

Hang in there, it’ll improve. 💐

Trallers · 06/03/2025 16:23

It's so dependent on the personalities of the children involved as to what ends up being easier. And as a pp said, even then it goes through phases. The gap between them.will get comparatively smaller though (one is double the age of the other at 2 and 4, so there's just so much differnece), and it shoild be much easier when out of the toddler years! There are lovely things about having one and lovely things about having 2 so try not to focus on the loveliness of what you don't have when possible.

Original poster
maggiepies · 06/03/2025 16:18

TheIceBear · 06/03/2025 15:57

Didn’t realise this was the case in London. I live in a rural area and no one seems to have only children here .

Show quote history

I don’t think it’s just London. If you look at the stats the average family size is dropping.

OP posts:
Ferrazzuoli · 06/03/2025 15:58

It's difficult at this age OP, but it will get easier as they get older.

TheIceBear · 06/03/2025 15:57

Mauro711 · 06/03/2025 15:00

It's not anymore I think. It's becoming increasingly popular to have one child. When my kids went to school in London the majority of kids were only kids. I had 2 and I was the anomaly and there was only one family that I can remember that had 3 kids.

Show quote history

Didn’t realise this was the case in London. I live in a rural area and no one seems to have only children here .

Nothatgingerpirate · 06/03/2025 15:54

YANBU.
I wouldn't be able/want to put up with any.
They say it's temporary, though.

IMissSparkling · 06/03/2025 15:39

BestDIL · 06/03/2025 14:17

As someone who could only have one and would have loved more, yes, you are being unreasonable!

🙄 What an unhelpful comment. I sadly have no kids but I can still appreciate that it's bloody hard parenting two under 5s and empathise.

Original poster
maggiepies · 06/03/2025 15:30

And yes, just one child is becoming increasingly popular. I think because everything is so expensive.

OP posts:
NatMoz · 06/03/2025 15:27

I'm finding it hard at the moment with 1! My parents are here today looking after her as she is 'sick' from nursery. Took her to the playground and she ran off. 40 mins later i heard screaming as they carried her back over my dad's shoulder

Original poster
maggiepies · 06/03/2025 15:22

BestDIL · 06/03/2025 14:17

As someone who could only have one and would have loved more, yes, you are being unreasonable!

That’s literally nothing to do with me and I could just as easily tell you to enjoy just having one as it is easier Confused

OP posts:
Mauro711 · 06/03/2025 15:00

TheIceBear · 06/03/2025 11:01

I’m pregnant with my second. It’s unusual you know so many people with 1 child. I’ve suffered secondary infertility for years and absolutely everyone I know seems to have 2 children with 2 years apart. Sorry you feel that way. I’m sure it’s a challenge when they are small but it’ll be easier when they get bigger and it’s a nice age gap, I would have preferred a smaller one but here we are.

It's not anymore I think. It's becoming increasingly popular to have one child. When my kids went to school in London the majority of kids were only kids. I had 2 and I was the anomaly and there was only one family that I can remember that had 3 kids.

Sacmagique75 · 06/03/2025 14:21

maggiepies · 06/03/2025 09:38

They are quite young; four and two in a couple of months. I don’t know though, it feels like my future is as a referee.

And you would be right!!

BestDIL · 06/03/2025 14:17

As someone who could only have one and would have loved more, yes, you are being unreasonable!

TheIceBear · 06/03/2025 11:01

I’m pregnant with my second. It’s unusual you know so many people with 1 child. I’ve suffered secondary infertility for years and absolutely everyone I know seems to have 2 children with 2 years apart. Sorry you feel that way. I’m sure it’s a challenge when they are small but it’ll be easier when they get bigger and it’s a nice age gap, I would have preferred a smaller one but here we are.

Froel1982 · 06/03/2025 10:58

@maggmaggiepies I get it. My 3 year old has only just stopped napping the last few weeks, and going out and doing things is so hard when you have to factor in a nap (he couldn't miss his nap, otherwise the rest of the day would be even tougher). But it is so much easier now, we still have our really tough moments, but for the most part it's easier now than when they were 4 and 2. Hang in there xxx

Coffeeishot · 06/03/2025 10:14

School will make a difference to the intensity of it all, I know it's months away but something to focus on.

Original poster
maggiepies · 06/03/2025 10:09

Yes, which will be a relief in some ways!

OP posts:
Coffeeishot · 06/03/2025 09:58

What you are feeling is normal. Will your eldest go to school this year ?

Original poster
maggiepies · 06/03/2025 09:44

It is difficult … I don’t really have anyone to help, but they do go to nursery for three days a week. It’s difficult balancing everything. So yes we go out but then the younger one needs a nap, the older one doesn’t want to leave. It’s tricky and does make me realise how comparatively it was with one, although I didn’t think so at the time!

OP posts:
autisticbookworm · 06/03/2025 09:44

I have 3 children, two are only 25 months apart and the third is 14 years younger so I've experienced both.

My two girls were very easy kids and great pals. They played together and I had to do far less hands on parenting. Until the eldest turned 12 then she hated her sister since then it's been constant rows and fall outs. Even now as adults they still argue and the the eldest no longer lives at home.

My son was hard work from day one. Having no similar age siblings means we do a lot of the play and take him out a lot more than we did with the elder two.

It's different for different families, if your kids get on it's a dream if they don't it's awful. But one child is full on too.