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AIBU?

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Original poster

to not throw a birthday for 2nd child

64 replies

custardandpie · 06/03/2025 09:25

I have DD1 and DD2. Their birthdays are 4 weeks apart. The eldest had 2 big birthdays and one smallish with family. The DD2 is about to turn one very soon. We've had multiple dinner parties recently and eldest childs birthday within the last month.
Now little one is about to turn 1 and I'm worried that we have exhausted ourselves. We can't even set a date as everyone we know is busy this month. I really fancy going to a lush restaurant in London and having a little celebration there for her just as a family.
AIBU? Will she resent not having a big 1st birthday? Will she throw this back in my face? This child is a little more clingy than her sister and prefers quiet surroundings.

OP posts:
Fagli · 06/03/2025 09:34

Ineedpeaceandquiet · 06/03/2025 09:27

First birthday is a biggie!

You have to do a celebration - not sure about going to a restaurant with a 1 year old though!

Only for the parents!! The child won’t remember.

Id definitely go for a nice meal out, we often take ours that age out places like that. The first birthday is definitely a celebration for you and all the hard you’ve done this past year, treat yourselves!!

Lostworlds · 06/03/2025 09:34

We are the exact same! Multiple birthdays within the same month and 3 weeks between dd and ds. It’s ds birthday in the next couple of weeks and we ar whist having family over for some birthday cakes. Not doing a bit extravagant thing as it’s more for us than the nearly 1 year old but I feel guilty not marking it in some way.

we are also doing it so my 3 year old understands about celebrating other birthdays and not getting presents on a sibling birthday.

Do what’s right for you, a lovely restaurant will be nice but maybe not the best place for a 1 year old.

SummerHouse · 06/03/2025 09:34

I can't remember my own babies 1st birthdays. There's really no need to do anything unless it's something you want to do.

Favouritefruits · 06/03/2025 09:33

Nah definitely don’t do a party if you don’t want one, but does you DD aged 1 really want to go to a ‘lush London restaurant’? Just do something simple a swim at the local baths and a nice cake at home.

CorrectionCentre · 06/03/2025 09:32

Well a one year old won't resent you because they have no concept of birthdays. But the photos will tell the story when she is older and looks back.
The idea of taking 2 very young children to a "lush" London restaurant is really odd to me. And very clearly not focused on your DD2.
It does feel a bit sad that dates and plans for other events have been made, but nothing in the diary for family to celebrate her 1st birthday as you clearly did for dd1

boulevardofbrokendreamss · 06/03/2025 09:32

What would a one year old get out of a 'lush restaurant in London'?

mindutopia · 06/03/2025 09:31

I would just do a little family tea at home with a cake and some party food suitable for a 1 year old. If any family want to pop round, great. It’s more to get your older one used to the fact that we celebrate both birthdays. Mine are 9 days apart 😩 so I feel the pain. 2nd one only had cake at home with us before 4.

Cadenza12 · 06/03/2025 09:31

Tea and cake will be fine. Invite everyone who may want to come and if they can't make it then so be it. She won't resent you.

KarmenPQZ · 06/03/2025 09:31

I think you need to do something. For DD1 rather than 2… to help her learn that her little sister gets a birthday and it’s not all about her. It’s a very hard lesson to learn so will be better to start small ish this year as other years but will be bigger

BodyKeepingScore · 06/03/2025 09:30

Ineedpeaceandquiet · 06/03/2025 09:27

First birthday is a biggie!

You have to do a celebration - not sure about going to a restaurant with a 1 year old though!

Do you remember yours?

BodyKeepingScore · 06/03/2025 09:30

Do you remember your first birthday? No one I know does, including my own children. Why would a 1 year old be resentful about not having a party. Parties at that age are more about the parents than the child.

If you'd prefer to celebrate with a family meal at a nice restaurant then do it. This is such a non issue I can't even tell you.

DappledThings · 06/03/2025 09:29

Ineedpeaceandquiet · 06/03/2025 09:27

First birthday is a biggie!

You have to do a celebration - not sure about going to a restaurant with a 1 year old though!

I think the total opposite. Child has no idea and is not going to care in years to come.

We didn't really do anything for first birthdays. Had a bit of cake at home with grandparents I think.

minipie · 06/03/2025 09:29

DC2 will neither know nor care whether you throw her a big party at the age of 1.

1st birthday parties are for the adults not the child. So if you don’t want to do one, don’t!

Ineedpeaceandquiet · 06/03/2025 09:27

First birthday is a biggie!

You have to do a celebration - not sure about going to a restaurant with a 1 year old though!

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