to not throw a birthday for 2nd child

What did you do for your eldest first birthday? You need to replicate. My kids will look at photos from something and then say show me mine.... and it's difficult to say sorry chicken, you're the third child, I ran outta steam

No you don't A one year old will neither know nor care Any celebration is for the parents

A one year old will get nothing from going to a London restaurant. Have present opening and a birthday tea at home with her sister. Neither will remember what happened on their first birthday. At that age, big birthdays are for you rather than them

But it is simply not ok for dd1 to think that her sister doesn't get celebrated as she does. I'd involve her in arrangements, making a card, choosing at outfit.
The older one isn't going to overthink it like that. She isn't going to out 2 and 2 together to make 5. Probably wont even notice.

The one year old won't care! We went to a lush restaurant in London and have photos of her fast asleep in her buggy when we were cutting the cake.

But it is simply not ok for dd1 to think that her sister doesn't get celebrated as she does. I'd involve her in arrangements, making a card, choosing at outfit.

This is what I think too. DC2 won't actually care what is or isn't done for her birthday, but it's really important that DC1 sees her being treated equally (which doesn't mean doing exactly the same). So she doesn't need a big party etc., but it also shouldn't be a non-event or some sort of afterthought after a big celebration for DC1. I do also think that they aren't even that close together so this is a bit of a weak excuse!

Sorry im going against the grain here. If you had done just the one party for DD1 then i would have agreed that dont bother. But 3? Its setting a precedent for later years. What happens when you cant be bothered when dd2 turns 5 because you've already done parties for dd1

I think you need to do something for her first birthday so that you have a little story to tell and some photos. As others said, it's important for her to know later on that she was as loved and as celebrated as her older sister.

And if that's a nice restaurant as a family then that's great! My boy is now 18mths and we can still take him to nice restaurants and he genuinely enjoys it. He likes food with big flavours and having a captive audience to chat to.

Happy birthday to your daughters!

I have good memories of my DD's first birthday. We mainly just threw a party for our friends and family - those who had helped us out during that tough first year and a way to say thank you for their support. And a load of babies crawled about in the middle of the room and we sung them songs. Fond memories. But I remember her second birthday we just had a roast dinner at home and Nanna came over. Doesn't have to be a big do every year. Do what you have the energy for.

Are you for real?

Do you remember your first birthday?

The child is 1. Has no idea about celebrations.

She's 1.
She won't care about a meal in a "lush" restaurant. Do that for YOUR birthday.
Do something that 1 year olds like. Go to your local park.....sandpit, swings, pointing at things going "wa dat" and then take a nap 😁

I really don't think any child is going to take anything from seeing their sibling not have a big birthday party and it give them a sense of superiority. Load of overthinking there.

It's not a big deal. And not doing anything for a one year old who has no concept of the day doesn't mean anything about what might be done in future years.

Not being arsed about it when the birthday child doesn't have the capacity to be arsed themselves is an entirely valid option.

The 1 year old won't know any better but I agree with the PP that in years to come the photos tell a story. I think a little cake and get together at home would be fine. I also agree that it is important for the older one to also realise that DC2 also has a birthday and it's not all about her.

In some ways I do feel for 2nd children as the 1st often gets a big 1st birthday party and then you realise it's more for the adults than the kids so with the 2nd you don't go to as much trouble.

I know a set of siblings where there is resentment over treatment re birthdays but that is tied into a whole lot of wider family dynamics and a lot of unresolved siblings rivalry and not just because her big sister had a 1st birthday party and she didn't.

I think first and second birthdays are completely pointless - the children won't understand what is going on and will never remember them. Birthday celebrations at that age are just for parents, not the children.

Obviously a child won't remember their first birthday, it's the photos of the celebration when they're looking back that matter. I think it's important to go to equal effort for all children. Like another pp said, it's important also for the elder one to see the younger sibling as an equal and just as much fuss made about them, otherwise the older one will get a superiority complex, and the younger one will get resentful over time.

No don’t bother, a cake at home and some balloons will be enough

She won’t notice at 1. But will at 2 onwards. Why through in effect three parties for one child and none for the second?

next year throw one party for each

We just did a national trust day out for our 2nd child's 1st birthday, told family the date and said anyone who wanted to join was welcome. Took a cake to mark it as not a standard day out, mostly for the benefit of our older child to see we were celebrating DC2 too. Same reason he got a stocking for his first Christmas, otherwise I probably wouldn't have bothered 😂

We didn't do anything for my first daughter's first birthday, she was shy and wouldn't have loved it. She ended up being ill on the day too so it was definitely for the best!

Have a party at home with a few close friends/relatives and a nice cake.

Your child won't remember their 1st birthday but as they get older they might wonder why there are photos of their older sibling's 1st birthday and not theirs.

As time goes by you will need to find the energy to celebrate your second child's birthday as much as you celebrate your first child's. So try not to over exert yourselves with your first child's birthday each time.

I don’t think parties, especially when they are one, are a big deal. However, it’s your reasoning for it that is poor - essentially, we’ve exhausted ourselves with events including an event for DD1 so not going to bother for DD2. If that’s the approach you’ll take in future, when life is as hectic, then yes that would be unreasonable. At this age she’s too young to understand and it is more for the adults, so no biggie. But I’d just be cautious of the reasoning and what’s driving your decision making and I would 100% to a little tea party at home for yourselves and whoever else might attend. Why take your one year old to a “lush London restaurant” if they prefer quiet surroundings anyway? Think about your child, not yourself.

First birthday parties are for the parents not the child

No one remembers their first birthday. I'd do what you want and take a nice picture of child/cake/candle as a memento. If she asks later, you can say you went for a lovely lunch. Here's a picture.....
My DD has shown no interest in her first birthday party at all btw.

While she might not remember, are you sure you're not just making excuses because you can't be bothered? Is this part of a wider pattern of favouritism between them?

You'll always have this issue with their birthdays but that doesn't mean it's OK to make a big fuss about one and then not bother with the other. What kind of message will that send to DD2 if this becomes a pattern?