to not throw a birthday for 2nd child

Pictures don't equal love, attention, experience, engagement etc

If you're worried about the photos just take a load when opening their presents, but I really don't think they are going to notice or care!

If it is something that has bothered you, perhaps it is indicative of a deeper issue of feeling less than for eg, rather than the cause.

I definitely think you’re over thinking it. I’m from 5 kids and whenever we’ve looked back at pics I can honestly say I’ve never thought oh there’s more pics of my sisters birthday than mine.

edited to add if you are bothered about pictures take some at the restaurant or if you do cake at home, it’s still something for her to look back at

I think the whole restaurant in London thing is more for you not her. What is wrong with a small tea at home and just invite some close family. Get some balloons and a cake?

It doesn't have to be expensive and just throw it out there to people and see who comes. To be honest, your DD won't remember it but I have photos from both my DD's very first Birthday and it is nice to show them the pictures of it when they get older.

I think DT’s were at nursery on their 1st birthday and we managed to avoid parties until they were at school. At the age of one they hadn’t eaten cake so an event would have been wasted on them.

Seems as parents want the big party to post on their social media?

I took my second to a gorgeous restaurant for her first birthday (I do every year on her birthday, just the two of us) and it was such a gorgeous day. I also did a little party with friends and family at home with balloons, cake, champagne and a bit of food. Just do what's right for you; baby won't care.

I am in a similar situation to you actually!

For my second child's first birthday, I am going to decorate the dining room with balloons, a banner etc. cake, some nibbles on table. Then my partner, first child and I will dress up to do photos, blow out candles etc. with the birthday boy.

That way we will have something to show for it and it will be enjoyable. However we are not inviting people and making a big deal out of it.

We will then go out as a family probably to family friendly farm with petting animals and then pizza hut for food or get takeaway at home.

You could do something similar x

It can be a biggie for the parents yes, not the child

I don't think it's a problem to not do a party (I personally hate hosting and find it awkward) as they're definitely for adults when turning one. We weren't bothered for DS but certain relatives expected it. We took son to a farm park on his birthday day which he really enjoyed then had a bit of a low key open door that weekend for relatives if they wanted to pop by. It wasn't a party - just some sandwiches and a cake for no more than a couple of hours. Do whatever suits your family but I still remember photos of my first birthday and my sister's so it might invite some questions in future if there are none of your second's first birthday.

Yes, this! My friend has children with birthdays really close together. We always celebrate.

For a first birthday party, you need the following:

• 1st Balloon.
• Cake.
• Cute photo of baby with cake smooshed round their face and 1st balloon in the background.

That's it. Takes 5 minutes and they'll enjoy looking at the photo when they're older - mine does, anyway.

Job done and then you can have a nap, order a pizza and enjoy having saved hundreds of pounds.

What? She won't remember! 😆

As long as you have a little thing at home, balloon, maybe a cake, get a pic, sorted!

Absolutely no point in doing a 1st birthday party. We just spent it together. Start parties at 3.

For my twins' 1st birthday, I sat in my lounge with 6 friends with similar age DC, drank tea, munched cake and chatted whilst our DC all ignored each other.
Not particularly 'memorable', but a nice afternoon!

AIBU? Will she resent not having a big 1st birthday? Will she throw this back in my face? This child is a little more clingy than her sister and prefers quiet surroundings.

please tell me you’re joking?!?!
Who even remembers if they had a first birthday?

The first birthday is for you and for your child to look back on. It's a good idea to do something but it doesn't have to be a massive production - just do something at home.

In the future you will need to figure out ways to make this fair to both kids though.

Never did any 1yo celebration for any of ours. They have zero idea what a party is at that age. Didn’t start until they understood what a birthday meant and what a party was. Was super simple for the older kids to understand, you don’t get a birthday celebration until you are old enough to know what a birthday is i.e. the point of the celebration.

However, for their first birthdays we purchased a decent gift that would appreciate in value and handed that over to them on their 21st birthday. Was then theirs to keep, sell, hand down to their own kids in same manner, whatever they wanted to do.

I don't think parties for one year olds are necessary.

I do think doing something the child would like on that day is important though, given you made a fuss of dc1. Whatever they'd like - soft play, zoo, whatever. I know the child won't remember, but they don't remember anything from the first few years and that doesn't mean nothing they do in the first two years affects their development!

How far apart in age are they? My two ard two years apart, birthdays are three weeks apart. We do a cake on each one's actual birthday, and a family meal or trip out.

They then have a joint party, sometime that month, whenever it's most convenient for us.

I think it's a good balance, as they both get to feel extra special on their actual days. But two parties in two months, would be untenable. They both seem happy with the arrangement so far x

We only have one DC, we did 2 different parties for first birthday, just GPs and close family for 2 and 3, same plus sep mini party for 4 nursery pals for 4th. Proper parties from age 5.

How would she even know? My adult children have never once asked what we did for their 1st birthday!

This. I remember the first time my son realised other people had birthdays too. Utter ugly jealousy cry! The only time i heard the same cry was when he first saw me holding a friends baby. 😂

Now he has a little sister. He wants to hold her a birthday party so we are doing a late 0 party. it’s very cute. He has picked balloons and a cake.

I think you need to something child focused to celebrate....not sure what a 1yo is going to get from a meal at a 'lush London restaurant' 🤔
Why not do a trip to the zoo or soft play centre with family and take a cake if you want something simple?

For my second child's 1st birthday we took him to a farm park, I think his older sister enjoyed it more though! 1 yr olds don't know what a party is though you definitely don't need to do one. Nice to do something for the child like a trip to a soft play or something

First birthdays are for the parents, do what suits you but i question a "lush restaurant" a trip - to the park and a homemade birthday cake with just your household is going to be more enjoyable for them!