Why does no one like me?

Throughout my life (which is now quite long😂) I have made some great friends through shared interests. Can you join some interest groups that you would enjoy? That’s a great starting point. I joined a women’s cycling group three years ago. I now have three special friends that started with that group and developed into a nice friendship. We’re not a friendship group as I meet with them separately. I also have some friends from another interest group that I’ve known now for twenty years. I’m on the introverted side so it takes me a while to make solid friendships. I hate small talk! My favourite thing is one to ones or just a small group. Good luck! It’s not you, it’s just about finding a way where you can be yourself.

Me too

If you like books / audio books, I would highly recommend a read or listen to the Mel Robins book Let Them. There is a really interesting chapter on friendships, looking both outward and inward. I took so much from it.

I think life can be so busy for so many, it’s hard to really invest in friendships, even when you really want to. Perhaps with your friendship group(s) it’s more about what they have going on, rather than it saying anything about you as a person. It can be hard to put yourself out there, but maybe suggest a walk or a coffee to those who you would like more of a friendship with, to build from there?

Self reflection is never a bad thing, but on your point of being ‘too intense’; stay true to who you are my lovely. You are not ‘too’ anything. It can take time but the right friends and real friendships are based on authenticity and acceptance x

I completely agree with this. I’m a real homebody and I love spending time on my own, but I also struggle to make friends and keep them. I have a couple who I’ve been friends with for a long time, but other than that my circle is small

Whatever drugs you're on ( and I've known most) ain't working for ya kid
My advice stop or start speaking Klingon

Despite all the people eyerolling and saying 'mumsnet always says ND', none of them themselves seem to be diagnosed as autistic. It's admittedly a long thread but the only comments I have seem from people saying they themselves are autistic are 'this could be me' (or similar). I don't really understand why anyone would roll eyes at people saying "this is my own experience as well and this is the issue for me".

@Avotoast9 I can see from your response that you don't think you're autistic. That's in itself a strong sign that you aren't! But as someone who is late diagnosed autistic, your first post could be describing my life, which is why so many people are mentioning it. Second post, in a better mood, not me at all. I never have days like your second post. In case it's useful, I think my two key issues with friendships are (1) that I struggle with identifying when it's appropriate to move a relationship from 'casual acquaintances' to 'friends' - my only real friendships have come when that's happened naturally through prolonged contact (school/work) and by prolonged contact I mean years. I have 'work friends' at the moment I've worked with for 5 years, and I would still be nervous about suggesting we go for lunch, and (2) that I myself don't put enough effort in. This is partly linked to point 1 in that I struggle to understand when effort would be appreciated rather than annoying but partly because whilst I actually like the idea of having lots of friends, and feel like a bit of a failure for not having a large group of 'besties', actually I don't particularly enjoy spending time with people I don't know very well!

[There isn't really anything in OP's first post to suggest ADHD though (and I also have ADHD) so I don't get why people are suggesting that (or 'ND' in general as if there are some sort of common thing about having a neurodivergent disorder that means you struggle with friendships - don't think it's a big part of a dyslexic diagnosis!]

I found it interesting because I've always considered myself to have less friends than the average person but what I hadn't appreciated was that other people were also counting these "friendships".

It's not for me to judge if two people that don't interact for years still consider each other to be friends. To me it would lack any substance but that's obviously not a problem for some people.

Genuinely yes. People claiming that it's normal to be too busy with life to interact (both in person or virtually) with friends for years on end and with a kind of implication that to want more is needy and juvenile.

I don't know how you'd even know how this sort of person regards you because you haven't interacted in years. To me it's just someone that you used to know and maybe still have the contact details of but some folk here genuinely count them as friends.

Aquaintance

You do have the word "frenemy" for that one at least. I'd like to see a word for the person-I-still-consider-a-friend-despite-lack-of-any-meaningful-interaction.

Same here although I have no idea where to start in getting diagnosed

In fairness, many people on Mn appear to define ‘friend’ as ‘someone I know but dislike, and who seldom behaves nicely to me’.

The problem with talking about friends is that you have this one word to use that actually means several different things. Of course it makes a difference if you only have distance friends or those people some consider to be friends despite several years of no contact.

@Avotoast9 might not be your thing but I think Bumble does like a dating app but to meet new friends. I am thinking of signing up myself actually. If I do, I can report back if you like?