Why does no one like me?

Why are you considered pretentious?

Have you read "The Power of Introverts" by Susan Cain?

I'd far rather go for a nice walk with my dogs than spend lunch nattering about nothing. On the outside I'm somewhat gregarious and outgoing, and I spend a lot of that energy at work, but in reality if I see my friends a couple of times a year, that's enough.

I don't think I've ever made or ended a friendship based on looks. I would, however, end a friendship if a person shows needless cruelty towards others.

I think most people see me as a bit pretentious and possibly too intense. I don't think of my self like that at all.

What makes you think people see you this way, and if you are not really like that, why would you come across in that way?

I have only a few good friends, but I've found the same to be true. It takes a lot of effort to maintain friendships and the effort is not always reciprocated. I've periodically decided to make more friends and I put a lot of effort into it. Then I realize it's like having a second job and really not much fun.

@yourmaw are you high?

@Avotoast9 it could be any number of things, you didn’t really give much detail. However I do think (especially as we get older and have adult obligations) friendships require serious effort and upkeep.

It’s also tied to what you like to do. The idea of the “in-group” may sound nice but then in reality you wouldn’t been comfortable in it, for example. I love going out but the people I relate to and bond with usually don’t, so at night mostly I just go out with DP because I don’t really have a group for that.

Waterweight.pish. not sorry.
Could be aquarius?
Could be ,you don't "appear" needy,needing? Esp if long-term, always,ever.
Eeeeeven if u wanna be joey,chandler etc...
Possibly spectrum.??

I have a lot of good friends but I have to nurture those friendships to keep therm going & growing. There’s a lot of effort on my part to check in on their welfare. My sister expects friendships to appear but doesn’t have many friends. I’m not surprised as she rarely checks in on anyone. I stopped putting all the effort in recently to see what she’d do & I haven’t heard a peep in months! It’s so disappointing. Sometimes I’d just love a text from her sharing something mundane.

Do you ever text or call someone just to ask about them? Are you very serious generally or can you be a bit light & silly? Maybe ask what draws you to someone as a potential friend & start from there.x

It'll be looks based sorry to say. There's nothing you can do about it.

That was my biggest realisation & what finally let me let go of the constant confusion-desire of making friends before all the "pretty privilege" stuff became common thing & but was relatively confident

I'm sure your a lovely person though & you don't deserve it regardless

My observation is that most people who post here about not having friends turn out not to be terribly interested in other people. Which is fine! Not everyone’s a people person. But it’s not very conducive to close friendships, as people can tell when someone just wants somebody they can count on to do things with, or a listening ear, rather than actively enjoying their company and being interested in them.

This may not be the case for you at all, but it’s what I’ve noticed a lot. People who like being around other people make friends fairly easily - however awkward or intense they may be. People who find most other human beings to be abrasive or shallow or generally confusing or overwhelming struggle to make lasting friendships. Generally because they just don’t enjoy being around people very much.

If this is you, lean into it - find ways of getting your social needs met that feel good to you. That could be hobby groups, or just hanging out at home with a partner in companionable silence. Not everyone enjoys having close friends or big friendship groups, and that doesn’t make someone a bad person or unlikeable. We’re all different.

I can't remember ever arguing with anyone or falling out over anything specific. I guess I just fall out of touch with people.

so, in actual fact, it isn't that people don't like you. You don't hold strong ties with people and you don't argue with people, which are both equally valid. There's no law that says you have to.

not trying to be dismissive but I wouldn't worry about it if I were you. Care less about what people think, you'll never know or control how they feel so let go of it,

I'm the same. I suspect I'm autistic or adhd.