Why does no one like me?

I'm reporting your post, there's no need to call a poster stupid for sharing their lived experience. I have no doubt that poster has experienced that.

Lots of people are shallow enough to judge others and of course that informs friendships.

So you do have friends
indeed a best friend you speak every day to

I think a lot of it boils down to whether people enjoy your company. And do you enjoy their company. Is the conversation 2-way? I’ve let some people go as friends because I didn’t enjoy conversation ruth them. I felt like they were talking at me and they were terrible listeners.

People seem interested at first and then drift or send signals that they aren't interested in being friends

That's exactly my experience.

I think I'm misreading some of the signs and signals (now I'm older and don't really have any friends!).

People like you enough initially so there's nothing about you that is immediately off putting but it doesn't progress further.

I would also consider neurodivergence if I were you. It's missed a lot in girls and women and it's really only when women question why they're OK people but don't have friends, loyal and loving but can't sustain/manage a relationship or are intelligent and highly educated but can't manage full time work or a professional career and start to ask why that is that it's finally investigated. All of those were definitely the case for me.

Sometimes it's less about what you're doing wrong and more about what you're not doing right. People typically are less concerned with quirks of your personality as how being around you makes THEM feel. People like people who make them feel good about themselves and who give them a nice time in their company. They like interest shown in their lives and opinions and to be listened to. They like a positive atmosphere and a willingness to do things with them that they want to do, discuss subjects that interest them and so on. The trick is to do as much of those things as you can around others, then when you have a pool of people interested in you as a friend, you develop friendship with those who reciprocate.

No. That's not true. I've got friends all over the attractiveness spectrum.

Do you really like people @Avotoast9? Do you have a real desire to be friends with people? To make a connection?

I only ask because I've got plenty of friends, but, I also have a big family and outside of my husband, my sisters are who I want to hang around with and have deep relationships with.

They're the people that really matter to me. I've got friends. And I value them and enjoy their company, and I support them in times of need and have had some amazing times with them.

But my sisters are the people I couldn't live without, and who I speak to every day. They're who give my life shape.

My observation is that most people who post here about not having friends turn out not to be terribly interested in other people.

or they drop clangers like

“I tell it like it is” 🤔
”I am too nice” 🤔

It sounds like you make friends but then cool off and want them to do all the running.

I agree actually.
I think people can overcome it to a certain extent if they are the ones doing the dog work to keep friendships alive. But it is a thing.

This is SO accurate@VoltaireMittyDream!

I don't actually need other people much, although I'd like a few friends. I mean, I DO have friends, good, close friends. But they're scattered around the world, none live near me. But none to see for a coffee or hang out with. But I'm not invested in learning about others and I guess other people can tell this.

You’ve name changed OP

Would be interesting and insightful to read your posting history I imagine

I don't think Waterweight is being intentionally unkind, it's obviously something she feels she has experienced herself, which can't have been nice for her. Not nice to say she's being stupid either. Also, what do you mean unless and until the OP posts a photo? So if the OP did, you might say 'oh yes, it's because of your looks' ?!

Telling

*I would change my plans in a heartbeat to support a friend if ever they needed me. **

presumably you think you would but haven’t had call to

We aren’t the people you should be asking

This isnt intense. She says for a friend. I would do the same for all my friends even ones that i dont see or talk to that often. If someone has asked you for help they obviously need it you might not be the first person they asked. You might not be able to help but you can try.

What?! Of course it isn’t looks based. What a horrible thing to say!

OP are you able to take friendships beyond surface level? So basically reaching out when you’re in a bad place and reaching out to check in on others? I find the friends that stick are the ones you can share everything with and know you’re always there for them.

I agree with @VoltaireMittyDream — most of the people who post on here about lacking friends just aren’t that interested in other people, and don’t understand how friendships work. They will say things like ‘Why does no one want to be my friend? I run around helping everyone!’ Or ‘I’m really loyal!’ Then they say they just want a friend to do y, y and a with, but they’re just talking about a friend-shaped blank space. And if you ask them what they want in friends, or what kind of people they want in their lives, they’re often puzzled, because they just think of people as generic. They don’t seem to understand why people befriend other people (clue — it’s not because they’re always ready to help…)

Have you ever considered whether you could be ND?

Obviously this is a generalisation but sometimes, if you are someone highly intelligent, who marches to the beat of their own drum, would like friends but is unsure of why others seem to manage and you can't, then the reason is ND.

Waterweight

I'm.afraid that's a you problem and you're proejctiving massively.

I've never judged a person for friendship based on their appearance and I've never heard anyone say such a thing. Nor have I ever felt that was a reason someone chose to be friends with me or not.

Not sure of your age or martial status OP but I find (as a single mid 30s person without children) that new people my age don't have time for me and that's OK! If it doesn't involve play dates or meeting other couples they're just not interested and that's their perogative. Like you I have just a couple of really good friends who are my mum's age actually!

Also don't compare your friendship lifestyle with that of an extrovert if you're an introvert. I.e if you're a introvert then why on earth would you have a big circle of friends and a gaggle of women you affectionately refer to as "The Girls"? That's not really an introvert. You're comparing apples to deck chairs.

Same. I have a couple of steadfast friends I've known for years who will always be there for me but the newer ones don't seem to last. I've also wondered ADHD. One fell out with me over my crap time management, always being late to meet up. 😔

I could have written nearly everything in your posts. I was diagnosed with autism in my early 40s and over recent years its becoming clearer that I probably have ADHD too.

I've decided it's a combination of me just being slightly put of kilter with other people but not being able to see it (or changing it even if I could!) so they don't feel the desire to be close friends with me and me not being able to read other people very well.

I don't clash with people and I've only ever fallen out with one friend. But they drift, they don't make an effort, they don't reciprocate or match my energy and I lose confidence and let them. I assume they don't like me rather than have other reasons because I know they still make rime for other friends. So I think I must be 'hard work' without realising it. Maybe I'm ntense? Maybe I overshare? Maybe I don't say the right/expected things in response to things they've said?

I've always said I've known straight away if people.actually and actively don't like me (because they're unkind) but I have no idea about whether most people like me or not.

There are two people outisde of my immediate family who I feel confident about liking me but the rest? I think I'm tolerated at best.