To hate holiday with baby

Holidays with kids are just parenting in different locations. Sometimes its rubbish sometimes its fine...just like at home. But we still do it even when it is rubbish because it is worth it.
I've done Australia with a 7 month old on my own, South Africa with a 2 year old and then Australia again with the 2.5 year old and 7 year old and my DH. All for visiting family. Biggest advise...just get on with it now you are there. Don't pander to the jet leg. Push though and it gets better. I found family were helpful - I could get some sleep if needed rather than being at a random destination with no family.
The first trip to Australia with the 7 month old was by far the easiest. Flying with a 2 year and 2.5 year old were the worst! I don't plan to fly again for at least 3 years when then 2.5 year old will be 6.

Yes. Holidays with small children are in many ways just the usual grind in less convenient circumstances. However looking back you will remember the special moments of having them with you in a new setting. It's hugely better in retrospect.

Jetlag with a baby is a pain for everyone but it changes in a day or so. Keep baby to their schedule just on your new timezone so if they have a nap after lunch put them down be it a cot nap, buggy nap etc despite the fact your visiting people. This will make it much quicker for them to adjust.

Holidaying with a baby is very different regardless I viewed it as exploring a new place but doing the same things as I would be doing at home just new.
We went to New Zealand with our 9 month old.

Tips for flying - keep baby on their schedule although you then deal with it the other end with jet lag it means your not battling a baby to sleep because they dimmed the cabin etc. A sling is a god send for this. We had 2 14 hour flights so learnt pretty quick DS1 would do what he normally did sleep, feeding wise etc.

Get DH to take baby out for a walk - feed then off they go so you can get a kip in. A lot of what your feeling now is caused by being knackered.

Travel with a baby is hard but I will be honest our holiday when baby was 6months was great, it was much tougher with the 1 year old. Baby still napped brilliantly in pram and at night we would take him out in his PJ’s & put him in pram, he would sleep while we had dinner etc. I was still mega stressed about everything but we had a nice time. I have just vetoed any long haul from 1+ until baby is older though!

We did Australia from UK with baby at 5 months and returned when he was 6.5 months. Also EBF at that time and we didn't start weaning until we got home.
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Yes the flight and jetlag wasn't fun, but it is like that even without the baby.

First few days in a new timezone is always hard.
Just go with the flow. Throw routines out the window.

First few nights we took shifts for if he was awake for long periods at random times of the night. It only took a few days to be over it - and I think he coped better than me.

Also don't expect to do much those first few days, and after that much less than you would have done pre-baby. We aimed for one thing each day. Overtime that increased once we were acclimatised.

But really just try to savour the time you're spending together as a family without work, household responsibilities, etc. It is time you'll never get back as they grow so quickly.
It's been a year since we were away and can't believe how quick it's gone.

Yeah I wouldn't have fancied that. We did do a holiday purely to attend a destination wedding with our 1.5yr old, but ideally I wouldn't go abroad with a child under 3, and that would be short haul. For 10 hours I think I'd want my kids to be at least 7. But everyone is different some people do take their babies on long haul trips and love it, it just isn't for me. I hope you find a way to enjoy it since you're stuck there. Can DH do any more to make it easier for you?

God help you but that sounds like absolute hell.

Can you get a massage?
Get your back seen to asap, before you do anything else.

Take your back pain seriously.

Should say 'no hot drink' was supplied - aka out into Heathrow dozy

Oh for goodness’ sake! There’s always someone who brings up the ‘mental health’ issue! Mental health is mentioned to death on tv and everywhere. Break a nail and it affects one’s mental health nowadays! What happened to the backbone that Brits were once famous for? We are just snivelling wimps now. Mental Health, my ar*e!!

Oh! Dear OP! I think a lot of us on this thread just want to give you a big hug and a little breather. Could DH take your baby for a while and give you an hour or two to yourself?
The first holiday can be really hard out of routine and without your usual "props" and going long haul was really brave.
Our first holiday with DD when she was 16 months old got off to a bumpy start too, because everything was new and we were a bit out of sorts, but it did get better as we all settled into a temporary routine.
I hope you manage to have a lovely time ❤️

Just back from long haul trip to Tokyo. 2 babies on 13 hour flight out and one on 15 hour flight back. Approx 8 month old on way out was bf, but they didn't manage to use this to help baby on landing. Baby slept about 4-5 hours, which is probably enough to adjust. Both parents did a lot of calming and walks up and down. They had the bassinet seats at front of economy. On same flight was an approx 10-12 month, further back in regular seats. Mother had her in sling walking up and down. She was happier.

On flight back, it was similar. Baby about 8 months, not in bassinet seats, didn't seem too bothered by flight. It was dark for 10 hours on a 15 hour flight. For the adults this was very wrong as we took off at lunchtime in Japan, landed evening in UK. BA utterly abysmal, sent us off the flight having just woken us, presented us with really crap food and hot drink, coffee, tea. I was amazed the baby was ok. The 2 pre schoolers looked less so.

It's hard enough at home with a baby. A 10 hour flight would be torture. A long-distance holiday is wasted on the baby anyway and you can't make the most of it either. Next time choose something much closer to home and low key - somewhere where you can relax, keep things calm and enjoy being together. There'll be plenty of time for more adventurous holidays when your child is older and can appreciate it.

Totally ridiculous idea. Unsustainable too!

Well firstly you aren’t really on holiday - you’re visiting family - it’s not really the same thing! So I agree with a previous poster - reframe it - you’re not on holiday you’re doing your duty to see family.

Are you staying in hotel or with family? Will these family and friends want to spend lots of time with you, and help care for the baby? Are you doing touristy things too? Dial back on those and just chill where you can.

Secondly we lived abroad and had to travel to visit family with small kids. The easiest for me was absolutely a non mobile breastfed baby! Toddlers and older babies were a lot more work.

I found the traveling to be the worst part. Get DH to do as much parenting as possible and take as much time for yourself as you can. Hard with a bf baby, but at least you can have some breaks

Yeah - we found that out the hard way too when DD was a baby. Luckily we were only in the Lake District so we just packed up early and went home! It improved as she got older and easier.

Assuming you had reserved train seats, then the only other option would be shifts if you had one sep seat

In your position I would send DH out for a breast pump, pump like a champ, then hand the baby over to DH/his family (with a bottle) and take to your bed… When you feel better take yourself off shopping or on some other excursion, you must make the best of it.

Okay - it was a daft idea flying 10hrs, but you're there now so you've got to try to make the best of it.
This will be the last “adult” holiday you have for a good few years. At 6mths it’s feeding/sleeping which means you can still sightsee, restaurants, beach etc.
when you are next away with a toddler, there will be demands to go to the playground, the sea needs to be calm and shallow, you can’t visit a nice restaurant unless they also serve chicken dinosaurs, quiet museums will be a no-go…it will all seem better once you've had some sleep and the jet lag has worn off.

Oh OP that sounds like hell! It took me two days to recover from a short 2hr flight with a 10 month old, I can't imagine a 10hr flight! Totally understand why you're angry at your DP.

If it makes you feel any better, at least you brought your baby - my dad talked my mum into taking a 1 month holiday when I was 3 months old and left me with the grandparents. I only found this out in my 30s as my mum has never forgiven herself for giving in to my dad.

In my opinion, the person exclusively breastfeeding gets the final say. EVERY TIME.

@Greenwich869

make the most of those two hour windows your can be parted baby Op @Greenwich869 leave baby with dad and go for a walk and cocktail, book yourself in for a massage etc etc. you can still have a good time

I mean, let’s just be honest shall we, OP, there aren’t such things as holidays for parents. When you’re a parent, your job just works on a flexi basis, around the globe, so whilst it’s labelled ‘holiday’ - you’ll just be doing the same repetitive garbage you do for your child at home, but away. Usually with less stuff/missing bits of essential kit, just to add a frisson of excitement to proceedings. Toddlers are the worst frankly, they seem to mysteriously fall ill the moment you fly out of a UK airport. Meaning you become an international liaison representative between them and the doctors of whichever country you’re visiting. It’s a hoot and half…

Maybe look at starting to wean if little one is 6 months, gives a bit of back up to you having to be with him all the time. Also, do you have a sling? They are a lifesaver for clingy babies.
Just advocate for yourself as to what you need to get you through the next few days....
Such a long flight with that age baby will have been brutal. I did a short haul with an 8/9 month old and that was tough enough.....

My DH wouldn't take our DS when we took a 13hour flight to HK. The back of the seat I was allocated was broken too so I couldn't sit and stood most of the way. I upgraded seats on the way back and vowed never to take a virigin flight again cos the stewardess was a bitch - no pillows left so I could to try to get the seat comfy nothing.

But once we arrived we had a whale of a time.

Adjust your attitude slightly, you're tired, baby's tired. Sleep and then enjoy. I never had any issues with my kids they're on 14m apart so both were in buggies in HK. In fact we holidayed overseas 3 times a year every year with them until my DH died when thry were 13 and 14yo. I then started cruising with them and never looked back.

I travelled a lot with young kids and babies. You have to be organised, take it one step at a time and plan in time to chill after travelling.

Agree with @Swedemom a sling is really important to save your back, so try to buy one while you’re there for the journey home. I always breastfed on take off and landing to help with pressure in their ears and keep them calm. When they’re older, a lolly or dried fruit to chew does a similar job.

Babies get stressed when you do. So, that’s why the baby might be extra fractious. Depends where you are, but maybe book into a baby yoga or massage class to help you relax. Get out for walks in nature to get fresh air, so you and the baby sleep better. Not sure how long you’re away, but I wouldn’t pack in too much in for the first few days, while you both recover from the journey and find your rhythm.

When you look back, it’ll be a memorable trip, so try to feel blessed you’re getting to travel and see people.

And next time, don’t feel pressured into things you have misgivings about. Not everyone enjoys travel. Listen to your needs and instincts. Important to put yourself and your kids first when you’re a mum.