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AIBU?

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Original poster

To hate holiday with baby

257 replies

Greenwich869 · 05/03/2025 20:53

DH insisted it will be great. He was excited. I was the negative nelly obviously but gave in. Well, we're here. 10 hour flight was brutal. Baby is jet lagged. So are we. It's made baby clingy even though he never was clingy with me before. He won't settle for dad now. My back feels like it will snap in two from spending the last 24 hours holding baby to sleep in the airport and plane. Constantly rocking him as if he is a newborn but he's 9 kgs.

It's just parenting a million times worse.

It's day 1, we arrived this morning. DH is insisting it was the right thing to come. He is going the extra mile, trying to do lots and I am trying to put on a good face but I am absolutely miserable.

The right thing to do is snap out of it and enjoy it as there's no quick way to go home. But I hate DH right now. Hate his fucking guts. Could 100% divorce him over this. And I hate myself for giving in to his stupid idea. Hate, hate, hate myself.

OP posts:
Nonrienderien · 07/03/2025 12:22

Jabtastic · 07/03/2025 11:59

Your opinion was really bloody insensitive on this particular thread. Let mothers have a vent without shaming them. 'Ohhh you're so lucky to have a child! Ohhhh you're so lucky to be on holiday!'

I'm quite severely disabled but I still let my friends have a moan without saying 'Ohhhh you're so lucky not to be disabled!' It is possible to have many blessings and still just be having a bad day!

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I'm sorry to read you are severely disabled. You are entitled to vent & have every reason to do so. If you knew me in real life you would recognise I am often too sensitive for my own good. I've learned in this life you need a thick skin, especially on mumsnet 😊Please feel free to vent at me if it helps because I understand & wish you well.

Jabtastic · 07/03/2025 11:59

Nonrienderien · 06/03/2025 11:10

Sometimes all it takes is to count our blessings & be grateful to be given the gift of a child. My 'opinion' is not berating,it's merely a different view. The joys far outweigh the struggles. Nobody ever said parents like everyone else on the planet never have days when they are exhausted & could run a mile. Ask them if they would go back in time & not have babies. The vast majority wouldn't dream of saying yes. Interesting that this vast majority inevitably go on to have more than one. Mine is an opinion which although different from the naysayers it's still valid.

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Your opinion was really bloody insensitive on this particular thread. Let mothers have a vent without shaming them. 'Ohhh you're so lucky to have a child! Ohhhh you're so lucky to be on holiday!'

I'm quite severely disabled but I still let my friends have a moan without saying 'Ohhhh you're so lucky not to be disabled!' It is possible to have many blessings and still just be having a bad day!

justanotherimperfectmum2025 · 07/03/2025 08:44

I'm sorry this has happened to you.

I know how you feel, being on holiday with children is not really a holiday, like another post said, just like parenting in another country! DH and I went to Turkiye with my family 3 years ago when my DD was 1 and a half and she developed a stomach bug and ended up in a Turkish Hospital overnight on an IV drip! Cost us over £1500 cos DH forgot to add her to our Health Insurance! It was HELL. It's definitely a lot easier when they are older, don't need car seats/buggy's etc to take with you too.

Like you said, think the only thing you can do, now you're there, is just try to embrace it, get as much out of it and enjoy it as much as you can.

Good luck, hope the baby's ok now!

mrssunshinexxx · 07/03/2025 06:27

First time we went albeit uk holiday it was a shit show it rained the kids were hardwork and me and dh argued. We learnt a lot from it though - to lower our expectations hugely and accept its parenting in the sun / in another place
My best advice is go for absolute minimal travel time.
We are going to Spain again this year 2 hour 20 flight is long enough with 3, 4 and under. X

mathanxiety · 07/03/2025 03:05

Greenwich869 · 06/03/2025 11:10

Thanks everyone. I feel better today. DH and I did end up having a row last night but it's all fine now. DH is a very involved, loving and hands on dad but he is a forever optimist (which is often a wonderful trait).

We are visiting both sides of the family, not just his, but mine were willing to travel to us (and have done so already several times). My judgment is a bit clouded by the fact that his family, while perfectly nice, aren't very warm or helpful or even all that interested in us/baby. So I feel like I am putting my baby through quite a lot for the sake of a bunch of people who don't give much of a shit anyway.

To the person asking if I have mental health issues...well, no, but dealing with an inconsolable baby on a 10 hour flight did break me. Baby woke every 30-60 minutes last night but by some miracle we managed to sleep a bit in between.

I hate hate hate hearing him cry. And he loves routine, he thrives on it. He was confused, overstimulated and overtired and all I could think is what a terrible mother I am.

Anyways, I do feel better and like a rational human again, thank you for all your replies. I will make the best of it and I'm sure we will make some lovely memories.

Is your husband desperately trying to make his family show a little interest in him and you and the baby? Is that why he was so keen on the trip and unwilling to listen to your worries?

Missj25 · 06/03/2025 23:43

Hey OP 👋..
How come ye went so far to holiday ?

peanutbuttertoasty · 06/03/2025 22:15

Greenwich869 · 05/03/2025 21:38

Baby is 6 months and exclusively breastfed. The max amount of time I could have on my own is 2 hours before another feed is needed.

2 hour massages are amazing.

get yourself a cocktail. And a nap. It’ll get better.

restingbitchface30 · 06/03/2025 22:09

You hate him and could divorce him over this? I feel like there’s got to be more to this for you to feel this way, that’s an extreme thing to say

Printedword · 06/03/2025 21:58

Reallyneedsaholiday · 06/03/2025 21:53

Or maybe book just two sets of three seats 🙄 (well one set of three and one set of two, as the baby didn’t have his own seat).

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Well really obviously I was responding to the post directly. What a nasty little reply

Reallyneedsaholiday · 06/03/2025 21:53

Printedword · 06/03/2025 09:11

Assuming you had reserved train seats, then the only other option would be shifts if you had one sep seat

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Or maybe book just two sets of three seats 🙄 (well one set of three and one set of two, as the baby didn’t have his own seat).

Scottishskifun · 06/03/2025 21:21

Greenwich869 · 06/03/2025 14:52

Lol at this @Printedword and @Chenecinquantecinq the alternative to a baby who sleeps well in a crib and in a routine is NOT a baby who is chill and can sleep anywhere. The reason we had to have a routine is because he gets so stimulated and out of whack, he would just scream and scream, take a 30-40 minute nap and be grumpy and overtired for the next 2 hours and repeat. I get that some of you have chill babies who sleep well but that's really not a direct result of your parenting.

Depending on the time of day, he can go 3 hours between feeds. The flipside is he sleeps 11 hours at night (usually) so the reason for feeding lots in the day is because he sleeps well at night. If I don't offer the breast often enough, which has happened if I had an appointment or something, he has a shit night sleep and wakes to feed

11 hours a night?! My god now I know why you are feeling rubbish! 😂

When we took DS1 away (9 months to NZ) we were happy with 3 hour sleep blocks so it definitely was well we might as well explore somewhere new and actually found a benefit to his 5am wake ups......we got beauty spots completely to ourselves at 7am and loved it!
DS1 definitely still needed routine and we did stick to it but would be a buggy nap using a shade etc and we would time drives with nap time.

As long as your clear with DH no his schedule stays to a certain extent whilst away then the rest of your trip should hopefully be a good one!

GoodEnoughParents · 06/03/2025 20:27

BunsenBurnerBaby · 05/03/2025 21:09

Ya. Holidays for me were parenting but in a different place without all the things we needed and out of routine. I loathed them.

This ^ until about 4 years old although it was still hard and tiring. Same shit different location.
I've said to DH that for future children we will not be going out of the country until they're 4 minimum!

Lolalady · 06/03/2025 20:25

Never did a long haul flight when my children were young. My daughter was 1 when we went to Spain. 2 hour flight was enough. Yes it wasn’t as relaxing as a holiday would be minus children but I don’t remember it as being awful. Both my children (now very much adults) loved flying as they got older . Those were the days when they were allowed in the cockpit!!

Hopefully baby will settle (they are very adaptable) and you’ll have a lovely time.

LuckySantangelo35 · 06/03/2025 19:52

SunnyPlumOrca · 06/03/2025 19:28

It was silly to choose a destination with a 10 hour flight.You are feeling awful so imagine how your baby is feeling

@SunnyPlumOrca

baby probably fine. They haven’t had to navigate all the stress and worry like Op. I mean baby doesn’t need to check flight times and which terminal they need to be at etc etc Baby doesn’t worry about disturbing fellow passengers but OP probably does. Etc etc

LuckySantangelo35 · 06/03/2025 19:51

Nonrienderien · 06/03/2025 10:35

There are women absolutely desperate to have a baby & every month they produce a negative test. I'm sure they would give anything to be in the position of being on holiday & having to settle a tired & hungry baby. Breast feeding is wonderful but for me 6 months was enough. I admit my baby was far more settled & for much longer when I changed to formula. Some babies just need more which makes it exhausting for both the mother & the child. Dh & I had our first holiday abroad at the same time as changing & it was wonderful. The teething phase is another story but it passes & produces beautiful smiles 😁

@Nonrienderien

did you mean to be so invalidating?

asrl78 · 06/03/2025 19:39

Candledrip · 05/03/2025 21:19

Do you have mental health issues? This is an extreme reaction to being on holiday with a baby.

It is a normal reaction to a partner who is taking the piss by externalising consequences so they can have a good time. Personally I would question if taking a baby on a long haul flight is a good idea at all with the exception of visiting overseas family.

minipie · 06/03/2025 19:38

SunnyPlumOrca · 06/03/2025 19:28

It was silly to choose a destination with a 10 hour flight.You are feeling awful so imagine how your baby is feeling

Well that’s helpful Confused

SunnyPlumOrca · 06/03/2025 19:28

It was silly to choose a destination with a 10 hour flight.You are feeling awful so imagine how your baby is feeling

DuchessOfNarcissex · 06/03/2025 19:25

They are visiting family @Dogsbreath7 .

Dogsbreath7 · 06/03/2025 19:12

So why did you do a 10 hr flight plenty nice places in Europe 2-3 hrs. YABU for that.

envbeckyc · 06/03/2025 18:49

I was very nervous about going on holiday when my first child was born, and we put it off until she was eighteen months old. First night was a bit stressful and exhausting particularly because we went 24 hours without any sleep due to a 4am check in time and the flight and transfers. Within 48 hours it was amazing!

Having learned that it could be done, we got a passport asap when my second child was born, and we took her on holiday at 4 months old! I was exclusively breastfeeding at the time and to be honest it was so much easier than taking a toddler as there wasn’t any picky eating to deal with. I nursed on the flight at take off and landing to prevent pressure on her ears…. I was still breastfeeding when she was a year old and she celebrated her first birthday on holiday! It’s actually easier the younger they are!

Once you have had some sleep OP you will feel better!

anon666 · 06/03/2025 18:32

I agree. Holidays with a baby are just harder than having the baby at home. With the added disappointment of it not being a holiday

Yanbu

Lollipop81 · 06/03/2025 17:58

Give it a chance! Of course the plane and airport will be a nightmare, once you’ve slept it will be better. Some of the best holidays I’ve had were when mine were babies. Try and enjoy it.

Sharptonguedwoman · 06/03/2025 17:24

Greenwich869 · 05/03/2025 21:38

Baby is 6 months and exclusively breastfed. The max amount of time I could have on my own is 2 hours before another feed is needed.

Might it be time to start on a little solid food for your baby? Might helm them sleep for a little longer?

ThePartingOfTheWays · 06/03/2025 17:08

Bobbie12345 · 06/03/2025 15:21

Reasonable from you, thepartingoftheways.
Sorry OP. Hope your trip improves.

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Fair play, good of you to say so. Hopefully OP saw your useful advice about routines and jet lag.

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