to think women still get the blame even if they opt out of gift giving for husbands side of the family?

What do they say, OP? Surely you just tell them that DH must have forgotten?

I've never done it for DP's family, but I did talk to him about setting up a system when he was upset with himself for forgetting. He's been much better since then.

I never took responsibility for his family from the start. Why should I? So he does remember. We have a joint calendar with reminders on

Honestly OP you just have to stop caring! DH doesn't blame you, and it really doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. Just say each and every time "yes, DH forgot" and don't let any comments bother you.

Why did she take over responsibility in the first place? Women just need to stop doing this and the expectation that it's the women's job will die out.

I don't and never have sorted cards or presents for dh's side. He deals with his side and me mine.

Not here. I don't have anything to do with present buying for his side (barely even for my side if I'm really honest) but if DH stopped doing it his family wouldn't blame me. It would be really weird from them if they did. Nobody on either sides of our families consider the men to be absolved of any responsibility in this area or incapable

Tell your in-laws that your DH must have been very badly raised, or possibly doesn't care about them very much if he's forgotten their birthdays.

They'll need to speak to him to find out which one of those it is, as it's really not your problem.

No.
I never get blamed, neither did I start with this nonsense.

Honestly, some women treat me like children then moan when they act like children.

Any womèn that ever started to do this is the one at fault.

I hope you refer these family members back to your DH!

I can only speak for our family, but we all know my brother is hopeless at remembering birthdays. The most we can hope for is a Facebook prompted birthday message.

On the other hand he is famed for choosing wickedly humourous Christmas presents 😊

I have never done this and if my husband attempted to blame me I would tell him to do one,

My partner has ASD/ADHD and so not only forgets, but even if reminded massively struggles to pick a gift. He gets hugely overwhelmed with it all and so i'm happy to take on the gift picking for his mum. His son knows what he wants and asks for specific things. His brother and sister we have an arrangement we just do amazon gift cards.

Why would you have any idea?? Perhaps because you've been together about 30 years... does nobody have birthday parties or celebrate anything??

Not here – I do not help DH at all and he gets all the annoyed text messages from family for whom he has missed occasions. No one mentions it to me. So sad, too bad.

My MiL gave me a birthday diary with all the birthdays on his side of the family in it for a Christmas present when I got married. I gave it to DH.

DH is crap at remembering to buy presents for his family, his brother/nieces and nephews often go without, but no-one comes for ME, as he's an adult male of sound mind... I work more and earn more than him, so I get left alone!

It's 2025, I say we show male incompetence for what it is 👌

IME it starts when the woman is on maternity leave or has a period of being a SAHM.

"Can you get something for my Mum whilst you're in town/at the supermarket?"

Then the woman is guilted into doing it because technically she has the time and he is of course very busy at work.

A couple of years worth of birthdays/mothers days etc. pass and it's 'forgotten' that it was ever his job.

The only way to stop this is to stand firm in the first place at the first request but that can be difficult because on the face of it, it sounds like a reasonable request and refusing sounds like you're being difficult or even selfish.

But it's a slippery slope.

I can’t imagine why any woman starts this infantilising. I’ve never once been responsible for buying gifts for my husband’s side of the family, nor cards. I have never needed to remind him either.

Why would you start to give presents and cards to his family on his behalf in the first place? DH and I have been together since the 1990s, and I have no idea when his parents' or siblings' or nieces' or nephews' birthdays are -- why would I?

Yep. I had this back in the days when I was married, and I'm now witnessing it with my DD and her DH. A few years ago,she told her DH that he had to take over responsibility for buying his DM birthday/Christmas/mother's day presents and cards. As she said,she doesn't expect HIM to buy presents and cards for ME. There is not much love lost between him and his DM so guess what? She ended up getting nothing. And who gets the blame? Yes,DD.

Told DH he had to do it himself and now I am getting the blame for not reminding him of people's birthdays on his side of the family.

Being with a man like this would hurt my soul.

My mom did this. Complained to me about my SIL not arranging her a gift / present for her birthday.

I reminded her my brother was her son….

Honestly I have never and would never take ownership of getting gift’s for my partners family. We either plan and organise together or they go without (especially as typically I was not raised to get gifts for everybody in my family.)

And if they complain they’re sexists and I don’t care about the opinions of sexists.

So he’s not consistently doing it then? Otherwise they wouldn’t have complaints? Are they coming directly to YOU?

I’m GenX and have never done them for DH—I always assumed it was women who were older than me who did this.