Hi all, sorry this is a long rant. I've had 15 years of this and need some serious advice. I’m really struggling with a friendship right now and could use some advice. My best friend of 15 years is going through a breakup, her ex ended things, which has never happened to her before. She’s always been the one to end things and move on quickly, usually with someone else lined up. But this time, she’s struggling, and while I do feel for her, both me and our other close friend are at a loss for how to support her without completely draining ourselves.
We’ve been there for her through years of bad relationships, being the other women, staying with narcissists, you name it she's done it. It's constant drama, and the same mistakes over and over again. Her whole life revolves around men and seeking male attention. I don’t judge her for it, but it’s hard to watch her self-destruct time and time again.
The problem is, she gets so defensive and rude when I try to offer advice or point out that her behaviour isn’t helping. For example, she’ll text her ex constantly or go places she knows he’ll be, and if I try to gently suggest it’s not good for her, she talks to me like I’m stupid, like I don’t understand what she’s going through. I feel like I can’t win. If I don’t say anything, I’m enabling her, but if I try to be honest, she makes me feel terrible for even saying anything.
It’s exhausting. She’s leaning on other friends lately, and I don’t know if it’s because she’s embarrassed or because she knows we won’t just tell her what she wants to hear or she feels she can confide in me. She used to tell me everything, but now I feel like I’m the last to know what’s going on unless I ask directly and even then, I only get half the story.
To make things worse, she’s going through another breakup (this time he ended it), but she still won’t let go. She even stayed at a hotel with him last night, and took the day OFF work sick to be there (we work together). I know this as my other friend told me. It just makes me laugh at this point. She’s so caught up in this cycle, and I’m honestly at my wit’s end. Last year, she had four different relationships, and it’s always the same chaotic drama. She’s constantly seeking validation from men, and it’s draining. I don’t even enjoy spending time with her anymore.
I feel guilty for feeling this way, but I’m honestly starting to dislike her as a person. How do I support her without enabling her behaviour, and how do I get past this burnout?