DH wants to start gym every day before work

He is taking the piss.

He's finding it difficult with 3 under 3 and he's swanning off like he's got no responsibilities. He knows you've got no choice but to do everything.

I'd be absolutely fuming. He's got no respect for you. Unfortunately I hear stories like this all the time. A lot of my friends have partners who are useless, but nothing quite as bad as this.

I don't know how people stay with men like this. Appreciate that's easier said than done with 3 little children mind :/.

Oh, SHE chose to have three kids did she? He didn't.??

@Mamof3downsouth no he doesn't get to Just pop off to the gym and weasel out of the morning chaos!!

I presume he also chose to have children?? This means you can't always do the things you want to do at the time you'd like to do them!!

And go out doing quotes over the weekend.

Yes - I don’t know what his job is but I’ve never had any tradesperson offer to come and do a quote at the weekend. Sounds like he’s avoiding childcare again.

What a ridiculous response! He's not the sole breadwinner, you've no reason to assume his job is physical, and both parents chose to have 3 kids, so why is it only the OP who actually has to do any parenting??

OP, your husband is a selfish lazy arse who apparently intends to contribute nothing to bring up your children. Don't put up with it.

Maybe sole breadwinner for now, but that doesn't mean he gets to opt out of helping with their children and I would assume he also chose to have 3 children??.

YANBU OP

Staying mentally and physically fit is important, but there has to be a happy medium, and the gym 5 mornings is a bit selfish when you're asking for help with your children,OP. Not to mention the pub on the day he finishes early.
Not like you are saying to stop going altogether, just asking him to go later. I would sit him down one night and discuss it with him, spell it out (you shouldn't need to but here we are). If that doesn't work, perhaps start leaving the house as soon as he gets home and being out for an hour, when he asks why you couldn't go earlier, say that it wasn't convenient for you.

Mmm quite. And he doesn’t like the witching hour mayhem much either. And he wants to go to the pub Friday. And go out doing quotes over the weekend.

But he still earns less than OP. Sounds a bit slopey shouldered to me, trying to skive out of family grunt work. Not impressed!

Don’t be ridiculous, of course he gets a say, as does OP. It’s a marriage, not a dictatorship.

Often I ask myself why do women keep having children with men who are blatantly not interested in doing their fair share of childcare?

Surely the share of home admin and childcare should be established beforehand and if the father does not step up after the first child it should be a red flag, not a green light to continue to expand the family to the point where it is not manageable?

I think the gym issue is just a red herring and your main problem is that you have a partner who does not pull his weight financially (if you are the main breadwinner) and who is not a hands on father either.

The compromise is he goes 8-9pm like OP has offered. He just doesn’t fancy it.

I earn more than he does
Ah, so you are the 'breadwinner' and need your time to ensure you stay fit.

He’s trying to avoid the morning mayhem.

he doesn’t want to put the kids to bed on his own

Oh right but it’s fine for you to do the whole morning routine on your own?

You are both the kids’ parents and you should both be there for tough times like early mornings or bedtimes - with 3 under 4 these times are always going to be really difficult .

Once these stages get easier you can reconsider the routine.

Why does he need to go to the gym 5 days a week? Is he training for the Olympics or something?

he doesn’t get to say whst he wants or doesn’t want to do

what does he bring to yiur life if he isn’t the main earner and won’t do childcare

I think its important for parents to exercise, and where possible each of you should facilitate the other to get some exercise time, but every day before work is really excessive when you have kids that young.

I'd suggest 2 mornings a week for him to go to the gym. If he wants to go more than that, he goes in the evenings.

Or he just goes for a run from the front door for half an hour every morning so that way he gets some exercise but doesn't have to be out of the house as long.

There's a way around this but it needs compromise from both sides.

Why have you gone on to have not one, not two but THREE children by this man child who doesn’t want to actually parent his children.

When does he solo parent, when does he give you time off, when does he actively do things with the children or around the house without you having to tell him or ask.

Your children have two parents. Him parenting them isn’t “helping you” it’s doing his job as a parent.

Two things spring to mind;

1. Why every morning? How about 3 times a week?
2. Going between 8 & 9 isn't "convenient to him". But him going between 6 & 7 isn't convenient to you. Why does his inconvenient trump yours?

He needs to remember he's got 3 children. He doesn't get to just do what he wants any more - he's got shared responsibilities.

You say no, he's self-employed. He can start work later and go to the gym 8-9am or whatever works best for the whole family.

Well you can have a bath ready for him getting in.. Hand him the baby and go relax in that bath.. Door locked.. . For an hour. 5 days a week..
Not up for discussion just like his gym.

What about weekends?

Jesus this response!!

First, he’s not the sole breadwinner, she’s on maternity leave so she has a job too

Second, if he has a physical job doesn’t that mean less need to go to the gym?

Thirdly, why isn’t important for OP to stay fit too

Fourthly, he also chose to have kids so why doesn’t he have to suck it up??

Don’t be ridiculous

When my children were of a similar age I wouldn't have equated help in the morning with a free hour in the evening, the former would have been of waaaay more value to me. The OPs children are in bed early so evenings are probably relatively calm.

Is that how you feel OP?

When do you get your free time to go to the gym or pub?