Wtf is wrong with people when it comes to hidden disabilities?

Thanks. This is one of the reasons why I decided in life to make sure I wouldn't let anyone get away with hurting me again.

Missing out the part where you've taken a strop over her, very reasonably, wanting the violent child removed. You're trying to make her out to be a negligent mother.

@DaveyTheCavy It's absolutely awful, and imo tragic, that no one centred your needs as the victim of the attack. I'm really sorry.

Do you just want to sound off or do you actually understand the situation being discussed. The post being responded to was made by a desperate mother whose child IS being attacked daily. In her situation I WOULD remove my child. That’s what you CAN do in the first instance to protect your child from an on going violent situation.

https://theconversation.com/nearly-half-of-children-born-in-wales-in-2002-03-classed-as-having-special-educational-needs-this-may-have-negatively-affected-their-attainment-235375

Sorry but if someone hits me they need to be prepared to take the consequences, that I (as an ND person with complex MH issues) may be triggered and hit back. It's nothing personal anymore than their behaviour is personal . It's a reflex action.

If a child is being hurt at school by someone with a hidden disability same applies. Child who is hurt needs to be allowed to self defend (within reasonable force) and be able to get to safety. One 's needs doesn't trump the other.

I was attacked at primary school (y5). It was an attack of a sexual nature and very humiliating. One of the attackers had high functioning dyspraxia, the other had dyslexia, and the other kid was just an arsehole. Being told that maybe those kids couldn't help it because of their home background wasn't helpful to me.

I was SA by a relative and suffered violence and mental abuse by a parent. My parents fought a lot (or should I say my dad screamed at and belittled and terrorised my mum and my mum tried to appease him). Yeah my home life was oh so great. I also have dyscalculia one of the things my father used to use as an excuse to punish and shame me for. Why weren't my needs prioritised ???

I have trauma issues from being bullied so badly (this was only one incident and a particularly bad one). I'm sorry that those kids had a bad home life and disabilities but I think I went through just as much.

It also annoys me when someone is unemployed and they get told 'there's always care work'. Yes there is but do they really want their loved ones being looked after by a carer who doesn't want the job? Some people are good at it, some aren't and shouldn't be forced into it.

Maybe reread the post you quoted.

Of course they do and I couldn't do their job for all the money in the world. However that doesn't mean that it's acceptable for members of the public to be assaulted

It's a tough tough job. They don't get paid enough . The care agency who care for me (complex mental health needs, physical disablility and history of abuse like the service worker you mentioned) are short of staff and underpaid.

Carers should be paid loads. It makes me sad how little they 're paid.

Yes but they are trained and it's a job they have chosen to do and many of them are brilliant at it . A member of the public hasn't signed up to that and maybe like me there are also ND themselves and might be triggered by someone lashing out at them. And if it's a child being lashed out at then it could kill them. Why do the needs of the victim come last?

I had a fractured jaw from a service user punching me in the face. I was trying to prevent her from returning to the home of a convicted paedophile, who had been raping her and taking all of her money.
She had complex mental health needs and a learning disability.
No matter what we did, we could not get anyone to prevent her from going there or protect her in any way. Not her social worker, not the police, noone.
I was 22 years old, had hardly any training, was on minimum wage, and I was pleading with her not to return there. She was riddled with STDs and wasn't taking her meds. I got a punch in the face and a day off work for my trouble.

It's a tough, tough job.

Yes I think some carers suffer terrible violence and injuries from their charges. I couldn't do their job.

Again, if a child is violent in the classroom of a mainstream school to the point they are hurting other children, or the adults in the room, they should be removed immediately from mainstream school. It isn't the victims who need to be removed. They are where they should be, doing what they should be doing

This! I cannot believe this even needs to be stated.
I know everyone piles on and says “well there’s no funding, no where else for them to go, we need to change our attitudes etc etc”

Yes all good points but in the immediate future, way before the years it’ll take to get any of this in place, you remove the violent child! Not all of the others (many who will also be ND)

And the carers? Do you think they don’t get hit?

MN is the worst for it. I don't see such hate anywhere else. I don't know if its because of the anonymity so people write what they think but wouldn't say elsewhere or if it is that MN attracts a certain type of person.

Definitely the victims shouldn't be removed.

It's not the same at all. LAC for example will have to attend school regularly as there is a high level of scrutiny from external agencies. If they don't go to school, the carer suffers.

Again, if a child is violent in the classroom of a mainstream school to the point they are hurting other children, or the adults in the room, they should be removed immediately from mainstream school. It isn't the victims who need to be removed. They are where they should be, doing what they should be doing.

But they will be guardians (grandparentś, aunts, uncles, foster parents etc) in loco parentis. So it's the same thing.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-62477095

True re: sectioning and I know this from personal experience. In cases of a mere slap the victim has to remove themself from the situation, using force if necessary and get themselves to safety.

If someone hits a small child I don't care how disabled they are, I'm prioritising the child, who will come off worse if it's an adult hitting them anyway.

Some people who have children in school are not parents though, are they? You do realise that not every child has a nuclear family, surely?

The criteria for that is extremely high. Hitting out in a "slap" type motion occasionally is nowhere near the level to even consider that.
Even after a severe incident involving a weapon it will be reassessed over time rather than a permanent situation too. It's not at all easy to section someone.

So 29 other children should be removed until that happens?

OP I feel your frustration but I think it is wrong for you to assume that people will not defend their children. That people will not defend children full stop. I think the argument is different when an adult faces a hidden disability, because actually if you know better then you should be more sympathetic.

However children, whether ND of NT deserve to have an adult advocate for them because children are defendless. I think it’s so sad that society have this ND v NT war. I say this as a parent that had to defend my child who was completely mute for the first few years of school - but is now NT. Although she’s NT she cannot defend herself. So I will step in, and I will fight for her - as you are fighting for your son.

Now - I also care for a partially sighted parent who hides it very well and is too proud to ask for help but appears like a demanding old woman when shopping to the point shop assistants roll their eyes and it gets annoying - but she gets a different reception when she used to walk around with a white stick. It’s visible. People rush to help her, people are patient and nicer. When her disability is hidden, nobody knows. They assume she is being a b*tch - but she can’t see and gets frustrated. So whose responsibility should her actions be? Me as her career? Or does she have a responsibility to show the world so that they have awareness. I don’t know? It’s our daily struggle. I guess this is why the baby on board badges exist.

I know it’s not the same as a learning disability.

Humans are not mind readers. The question is how can we communicate the needs of those that are vulnerable? How can we make it normal for those that are carers or that have the hidden disability to roam around confidently?

OP there is so much that we need to educate ourselves on collectively- sadly many of us won’t unless we are faced with it one day,

edited to fix a typo that wasn’t readable