Wtf is wrong with people when it comes to hidden disabilities?

@Whatthebarnacles what happens if your son punches someone when out and about end they punch him back and he is badly injured?

But the OP isn’t referring to a ‘stereotype’, she’s talking about a thread where a man with some form of intellectual disability and a carer in attendance assaulted the OP’s teenage daughter in a cafe, twice. It was clearly not malicious, but sounded quite frightening for the girl, and, if anything, the man having an intellectual disability appears to have prevented the OP of that thread from intervening as she would have if the assaulter wasn’t disabled.

I agree with the majority here.

Hurt others - expect repercussions that may or may not involve the police or court.
Break the law in other areas - expect repercussions that may or may not involve the police or court.
Prevent others from living normal/average lives (eg constant classroom interruptions) - expect repercussions.

We all have equal rights.

It is 100% unreasonable to not expect someone to potentially react violently to being grabbed or hit by an adult sized person they don’t know in public.

I’m not waiting around to clock that they might have a hidden disability or that they might not but instead pull out a knife next.

I’m either yelling and running away or else hitting them as hard as I can in the most painful place I can reach so that I can get free and then running.

Agree with others that hitting is not OK. At 4 years old OK - kids will be kids - but they eventually need to learn that this isn’t acceptable.

I also think - and I’m not suggesting this is the case with your child - people generally have got very adept at using mental health/autism etc as an excuse for behaviour.

I’m basing this not on children - I have a friend, was told multiple times they weren’t autistic, went to different doctors until one said they were maybe at the lower end of the spectrum but is now claiming to be autistic and using it as an excuse for their behaviour. And I think lots of people have become very good at weaponising mental health etc. Which is a shame for the people who are genuinely affected.

Will put a link below to someone who will be able to explain what I mean much better than me!

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DGF7q8Xu7mw/?igsh=MXdyamZ4Ym1ld3BtZA==

What is this menopause mafia?

People being hurt is never ok, there should be safeguarding for all involved in situations like that though.

Some of the EHCP threads on Mumsnet are awful. People saying disabled children shouldn’t attend if it has any impact on ‘normal’ children. Really sets people up for the world as an adult right…

I would say though, and I say this as a SEN parent, that the entitlement some parents have that their child can do anything because they are ND is not helpful and perpetuates the issue.

Carers can only work within legal frameworks.

If there is no Deprivation of Liberty agreed then they can't prevent a person from going wherever they want to go and can't physically intervene until something happens.

If they do they are then in breach of that person's human rights.

A DOLs needs evidence provided to show why it is proportional and necessary and why other interventions have been unsuccessful.

All of this takes time and in order to prove that other interventions haven't worked, other interventions have to be tried.

When anybody gets hurt that isn't a good situation for anyone involved. The lack of understanding and compassion only makes it harder.

You really aren’t smart enough to see the irony of your post on this thread, are you?

This is a hard one.

On the one hand, a person with disabilities that limit their capacity to abide by the law and social norms, and inhibit their understanding of the wrongness of what they have done, cannot really be realistically held to the prevailing standards.

On the other hand, you have to take your victim as you find them. The victim may themselves suffer from similar limitations, they may have suffered previous trauma that exacerbates the impact and their reactions, they may simply be unable or unwilling to comprehend or accept the limitations of the person that has hurt or upset them. . . the list goes on.

Carers themselves, are human, and suffer from lapses in judgment, or concentration, or may have their attention diverted to one situation they need to deal with and in that instance another occurs. However, when a physical assault, which surely rates pretty bloody high on the priority list, occurs, not once, but TWICE, that, in no one's lexicon, is okay, and no one should be surprised if at that point there is a fairly robust push back.

Oh, and the menopausal dig? That kind of baseless venom kind of undermines the plea for understanding and tolerance of hidden disabilities.

“hitting for him is a defence mechanism, it's also a stim. I have to be tolerant of that.”

You may have to be tolerant of that: I don’t. I’m sorry your son has problems and completely understand that it must be very difficult at times, but nobody’s disabilities give them the right to attack other people.

I always associate people who make such assumptions with fools

Agree with you, aside from the lashing out, hitting, that is NOT ok.

If someone does this the carer needs to ensure that doesn’t happen- one day they may hit a less tolerant person who takes them down with a punch or worse and they may take the carer out too.

Everyone deserves to be safe. The hair pulling incident was putting the young man at risk as well as assaulting the posters daughter. We should not as a society accept that this is something which is ok. It is not. The young man needs to have more support in place, or to avoid situations which trigger him, as I and many other people with hidden disabilities have to.

If someone is assaulting random strangers then they are potentially a danger to the public and there should be a response to that.

Being physically assaulted is never acceptable in any circumstances

Lashing out and laying a hand on someone else, is not ok, ever.

People have a right to be safe using 'well they have a hidden disability so this excuses what harm they do' is wrong

Dress it up anyway you like

By the ops logic, menopausal women are allowed to be bitter and raging because they are menopausal.

My DD has severe LD and can be violent. I have a permanent injury because of this.

If there’s a chance something will trigger her, I don’t take her into that environment. It is not fair that her disability could cause a permanent injury to someone else. Not fair on that person, or on her.

The stereotype of the weird dangerous man with learning disabilities or mental health problems is very strong in the uk. It’s scary if you love someone who fits into that group because despite being feared by many (particularly women raised by the bigoted and surrounded by the predatory to be hyper aware of danger) they are in fact an extremely vulnerable group. “Vulnerable” is an overused term nowadays but it is apt in this group. people aren’t really seeing who is most likely to be hurt in many of these scenarios. They also probably are fairly decent people so will be unaware of just how hostile an environment the world is for disabled people.

As a parent with a pubescent son who is uncommunicative, scared, frustrated, non understanding, yet walks like a standard human - hitting for him is a defence mechanism, it's also a stim.

OP, I can't imagine how difficult that must be for you, your son and your family. I hope you have lots of support.

I think you are being very unreasonable! Not for thinking some Mumsnetters think people with hidden disabilities should be treated the same as NT people but by getting irate about it and posting about it on AIBU.
It's pointless and it's not going to help anyone. It's going to upset you and make you angry. You have enough to deal with without getting involved in online arguments with random strangers on AIBU. You aren't going to get a rational conversation on AIBU.

I'm sorry but I think you are wrong. Everyone has the right to a reasonable quality of life/education and you are massively downplaying issues.

I will not tolerate being hit, by anyone.

If I have paid for something then I should be able to enjoy that thing. Some people think ND makes them entitled to go anywhere and behave however they behave, not caring if they completely spoil it for others. Sometimes in life you just have to accept yours/kids limitations and not purposely go into a situation knowing you/they can't cope with it and will spoil it for others.

Every child should be able to go to school and learn. They should not have to put up with hitting or constant high level disruption. It simply isn't fair.

@Trolllol

I was in an accident and have a brain injury.

I do not have a brain that reliably controls my body. I have a brain the likes to fuck around with my body. I shake, I lose motor control to bits of my body randomly, I don't have good temperature control of my body at all.

I'm medically retired and use a wheelchair.

I still stand by the line I draw is at hurting other people.

If my body is doing weird shit (which frankly it does a lot of the time) I stay further away from people.

Most people can tell I'm not normal (the wheelchair is a bit of a free clue) and give me more space as it's obvious I'm shaky and frail.

Anyone assaulted is free to report it to the police if they wish. The police and CPS can decide if ND is a mitigating factor. But the idea that people must be understanding and just put up with it, is for the birds.