to tell ex that if parents evening is that important, he can sodding well go?

You said exactly what you should have said.
Also if someone is a 'shit' parent for not going to a parents evening, then that's admitting he's been a shit parent for years - tell him that too

It is very sad, when you consider that teachers give up their time to meet the parents to discuss what should be the most important time for their children - who are our future - to argue the toss as to whether to spend a couple of hours at the school discussing their children.

Both parents should attend every time, because it shows that the parents have some sort of interest in their own children. One evening out of 365 cannot be so hard to do.

In your description of him, your ExH is a misogynistic blowhard with the judgement of an inebriated gibbon. He's also an unreliable flake. Is that right? If so, should he be allowed anywhere near your daughter's critical decisions? She sounds a lot more rational than him and his input would not be helpful. Could you trust him not to try nudging her away from STEM where she obviously excels, because he doesn't think it's suitable? She's getting feedback and guidance from her school and support from you. Whether you go or not is a separate issue (I was also a child whose DM traipsed to parents' evenings when there was no need,) but I'm not sure it's wise to encourage Daddy Dearest to shove his oar in.

That's exactly what my English A' Level teacher said when my DM walked in. "Hello Tortielady's Mum. It's lovely to see you, but I didn't really need to. She's working well and we are happy with her as she is with us."

@PyongyangKipperbang I too have a SEN child and found parents evening a complete waste of time as there was nothing l didn't already know thanks to the frequent contact l had with the school already.

In fact it was so frequent that the School Receptionist and l were on first name terms.

Save yourself and your DD pain and don't go.

Your XH is a twat

Absolutely. If his calling you a shit mum for not going to one parents evening then what kind of father missing them their kids whole life? By his own standards he must be the crapest father of them all. He should report himself for child neglect based on his reaction to your not going this time.

He’s an arsehole. But you know that of course, hence divorce. Just think thank F he’s not my problem on more days than this one anymore. Phew eh?!

this nasty swearing and reaction sounds awful I'd hang up

Once a term is massive overkill. It doesn't sound great for the teachers.

My parents said that the most interesting part of parents evening was overhearing the conversations with parents whose children weren't just doing well.

He is such an arseh9le.

Honestly, they really show their true colours after breakups, don't they?

My FIL is such an absolute w4nker.

Apologies for the rude language

My child isn’t at school age yet but DH and his ex-w go to every parent’s evening together for their child. However if DH ex-w couldn’t go for whatever reason, he would go alone and feedback anything to his ex-w. It is or should be a role of equal responsibility.

If you not going on this one occasion makes you, by his reasoning, a bad mother who doesn’t care about her child, what does that say about him, who has never been, as a dad?! Turn it back on him. What a prick he is.

YANBU at all.

termly parents evening is bananas, if shes chosen her subjects, you’re in contact with her HOY and she doesn’t want to do it, dont make her! This is coming from a teacher of ten years too,

My ND dd hates parents evening. Because of her SEN input I speak to the school frequently.
Your ex h sounds like a total dickhead.

You should go to parents evening.
if you hadn’t planned to because you have an important clash then you should have told your daughters father.

your daughter will know you haven’t gone. that will say something to her.
that she doesn’t matter.
and it says something to the teacher.
that your kid doesn’t matter.

loads of the stuff we need to do in life is boring.

I have just been to my daughter’s GCSE options evening and it was poor. She already picked what she wanted to do and it was a total waste of time.

I caught a friend leaving the “presentation” to ask if it was worthwhile and she said it was a teacher reading out the booklet that got sent home about a month ago, so we left at that point.

Her parents evenings have all been online which has worked really well. I totally understand if you don’t think you’re getting anything from it though.

Sounds like my ex 🤣🤣 the only contribution he makes to the upbringing of our children is telling me what a bad job I’m doing from the sidelines.
if he sees it as important he should definitely go of course.

You might have an education degree but you’re thinking of it from ONE teachers perspective if ONE child and missing all the critical admin work that enables this. Who’s going to manage the list of children whose parents have requested written feedback. Who’s going to then reach out to each and every teacher with their specific list to them, who’s going to collate the feedback for each child across multiple teachers, who’s going to chase the teachers who haven’t done everyone on their list, etc etc.

No additional load. I've got an education degree, I'm doing my teacher training and I'm a TA.
Parents evenings are one of the most stressful times of year for teachers. If it was the parents' choice, I'd much prefer to send over a quick email instead of having to sit in front of another parent in a long line of them.
'sorry to hear you can't make it. All is well, your daughter's predicted grades are XYZ and she could participate in class a bit more. Please find attached my notes and contact me in future if you need anything etc'
When I was a teenager 10 years ago, all parents would be given a note from the teachers anyway with what was covered in the meeting. We'd also have termly reports.

@Rubyrhi123 don’t put more load on the poor teachers

All the more reason to go and back her up and ask the history / geography teachers to stop pressuring her.

it’s half an hour once a term. What if all isn’t well and she’s hiding issues from you?

to me school is a black box and I take any and every opportunity to get exposure to that part of my kids lives.

just because your ex is disengaged doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. It’s not a race to the bottom.