to tell ex that if parents evening is that important, he can sodding well go?

I’d stop now if l were you. With each post you’re getting deeper and deeper into blaming the OP for her ex’s abusive behaviour.

and you left yourself wide open to his abuse

You really should be ashamed of this comment. It warrants deletion.

Try reading what OP actually wrote instead of displaying your misogyny for everyone to see. OP didn’t ask ex to go. He has never attended a parents’ evening. He received the email alert from the school and he contacted OP. When she said she wasn’t going and told him if he thought it that important he should go himself, she was met with a torrent of abuse. Either way, that’s unacceptable and the fact that you think OP somehow ‘asked for it’ is really concerning.

I didn't go to my DD's last parents evening in primary and probably missed a couple others in secondary. I'm a widow so no other parent.
Like you I could have just repeated every parent/teacher meeting I ever had: 'doing very well but she should speak up more'.
I knew her grades. I didn't need to hear the same old same old.
My DS however was always in trouble and so I never missed one of those, though frankly it made little difference ultimately.

just because your ex is disengaged doesn’t mean you’re off the hook. It’s not a race to the bottom.

Appears to be a race to the bottom on MN with reading and comprehension though doesn’t it ? OP isn’t ‘off the hook ’ - she’s in contact with DD’s head of year every couple of weeks so the parent’s evening isn’t telling her anything she doesn’t already know. If all wasn’t well then I’m sure the head of year would have communicated that long before now.

I've only read the first couple of pages. Your logic seems fine OP, crack on with your life, do what works for you.

But can I just confirm something unrelated? I didn't grow up in the UK, I moved here as an adult. Do the children come to parents' evenings and sit and listen to the commentary? What if it's "hard truths" or the teacher wants to advise the parent on how to help with not doing homework or something? Where I grew up there were parents' evenings, but only the parents went. I used to beg to be told what my teachers had said about me!

It’s almost as though you haven’t read any of OP’s posts. Oh wait……………….

At no point did OP say it was boring. What she did say, and which you clearly missed before wading in, was that her DD doesn’t want to go - that OP’s decision not to go was actually made with DDs input, so of course she will know OP hasn’t gone. OP didn’t say she had an important clash either. She just thinks it’s a waste of time. Like so many posters here you just haven’t bothered to read what the OP has actually said, preferring to critique her parenting skills instead of actually answering the question she asked.

Can you do online? I always did never went back to FTF after Covid so thankful for that.

You seem to put OP and her ex-husband on the same level of wrong-doing with respect to attendance at parents' evenings. OP has been to every single one and her ex has been to absolutely none yet feels confident enough in his self-righteousness to scold the OP for missing one evening.

OP has explained why it isn't necessary for her to attend this one parents' evening and that her daughter doesn't want to go. If her daughter wanted them both to go, OP would go.

It’s a completely different thing from open day, parents night once a term is crazy, I’d have banned my parents from going that often- what would they do? Have you not had any teenage children? My teachers all said basically the same thing every parents night for 6 years. I didn’t want any parent or teacher input on my subject or university choices either.

It sounds terrible - my daughter is in secondary there are 320 kids in her year. Parents evening is online 5-minute slots , if you book it right it's done in 30 minutes and my ex can join online from his house.

Why does he care that you go if he never does? Does he usually ask you what they said and wants that but can't be arsed to go himself?

Skipping it doesn't show a lack of interest- it shows a parent who has listened to their child.
No - two parents don't need to go. Often one parent has to stay at home to look after the other children - and the school halls are crowded enough as it is. You can have a debrief when you get home in which DC can hear again how wonderful all the teachers think they are.
OP says the ex gets informed by email so it's not like OP can just not tell him.
YANBU. It sounds like your DD receives plenty of encouragement and support from you .... and precious little from her outraged F.

One of you should go. Skipping it shows a lack of interest in your child and regardless of whether they ‘agree with you’ it will be hurtful to them that you can’t make the effort. They might want support choosing options etc.
however it shouldn’t all fall on you.

You are doing the right thing:

Your dd doesn’t want to go.
You have all the information you need from the school
It does NOT send the message you don’t care about her
Teachers will not judge you for not attending
Your ex is a shit.

Why did you say anything about your DD at all if you didn't want comments on whether to attend meet teacher or not?

It is really a shame that you put all that in your original post then when we give you our comments, you only wanted to be told you were reasonable by being offended by what your X called you.

How can anyone be blamed for that?

I edited out my grammar and typing errors. I am using an almost bland keyboard.

You DIDN'T ask him to go? I am sorry. I misread you. I thought you had contacted him and asked him to go, because you could not. I will have another read. I was blinded by the long description of what the meeting was about and thought you wanted comment on the whole post.

You cannot expect me to agree that meet teacher is boring and unnecessary, can you, because I won't.

I have said before, you did not need to tell us anything about your DD and whether she wanted you to go or not.

So now, you say your post was really only about the way your XH spoke to your and criticised you and called you a bad mother.

Everything else in your post was irrelevant to the question. You didn't have to say any more than that it was a very important appointment, and would he go instead of you?

I would not have commented on the meet teacher appointment if you had not made such an issue of it.

Sad, really that your DD only gets to choose her exam subjects once in her life, and you didn't think you needed to go because they are only telling you things you already know from past open days.

You say that your DD is choosing the exam subjects: that is not the same thing each year, is it?

They don't sound like a great use of your time op but to be totally honest I think I'd still go to them anyway. But that's me.

I also think your ex has an unbelievable set of brass balls to even attempt to call you out like that when he's never been to one. Where do these men find the audacity?

You asked our opinion. I gave mine, indicating that both parents should attend the open evening regarding what they think of one another.

After all the years, why bother to ask your husband to go? If he hasn't bothered to go before, he would hardly agree to go because you cannot, and you left yourself wide open to his abuse. Next year, don't ask him, just go.

Teachers have training on how to meet divorced parents at an open day. They are not judgemental, at least they shouldn't be. You can both meet teacher separately if you prefer. If the school knows you are divorced, they may well give you that opportunity without your having to ask.