to tell ex that if parents evening is that important, he can sodding well go?

I think you're a rock star op.

I have no idea why some posters aren't able to read your posts and think you missing one of the extra parents evenings that your DD doesn't want you to attend is neglect!
I'm ND, one of 5 and also have taught in the senior school so feel reasonably well qualified to post.
The parents who turn up at parents evening are never the ones you actually need to see!

Thank goodness your ex is an ex, he sounds utterly ridiculous.

👏👏👏. So well said.

I didn’t mean child specific, l meant a broad understanding of disability. Which you don’t seem to have if you’re only now discovering ND and have drawn the conclusion that people who come under the umbrella term are never going to be able to work. And your insinuation that the increase in ND diagnosis is somehow linked to eligibility for disability benefits hasn’t gone unnoticed either - I see you 👀.

Why on earth are you commenting when you clearly haven't bothered to read OP's posts which have answered your question more than once? It's just bizarre.

Nope. This is what OP said in an update:

If I was tired of parenting I wouldnt have had 6 kids! I can be arsed for the important stuff, such as the fortnightly catch ups with her HOY as she is in a program to help her confidence due to ND. It was me pushing in the first place that got her on the program. Because of that, I probably know more than most parents about her work and social development.

Updates are not just about SEND issues, OP has clearly said she’s fully up to date on both DD’s work and social development. And if you read back, OP has already said that DD is clear on what she wants and has made her GCSE choices, which OP supports. Because DD is gifted other teachers are putting pressure on for her to study their subjects - not hard to see why. Avoiding the parents’ evening avoids pressure that DD doesn’t need at this point. And as l said upthread, OP is parenting a child with ND. What works for one person, doesn’t for another, so none of us are in a position to judge. And actually, we weren’t asked to.

The thing is, few children fit neatly into particular categories. Many children with SEN have comorbidities, and as the most frequently occurring learning difficulties are ASD and ADHD, many children with SEN include some degree of neurodivergence in the mix. If anything, we have more specialist schools now - 20 years ago there was a greater prevalence of "one size fits all" schools for children with moderate learning difficulties or severe learning difficulties.

My concern about your vocabulary was mostly around the fact that you chose to characterise SEN as a disease. Very few SEN are caused by disease. I wasn't "jumping on you", I was expressing doubt about your claimed experience as a governor which just isn't consistent with your lack of basic knowledge of SEN.

For what it's worth, no, having an ND child does not automatically lead to eligibility for benefits. There are loads of ND adults functioning perfectly successfully in society, in fact their neurodiversity may well give them strengths in particular fields over and above others. Again, it's extraordinary that you do not know this. I know they're fictional, but have you never watched programmes like "Ludwig" and "Patience" and realised that the main protagonists were ND? There are a number of other public figures who are generally acknowledged to be on the spectrum, so it's obviously no bar to considerable success.

I asked this question upthread. Still haven’t had an answer beyond ‘parents would be horrified at the thought of governors discussing their children’, which as a disability outreach worker for many years, is not my experience, and not what l was getting at. I would expect anyone on the board of governors to broadly understand ND as well as other disabilities/conditions catered for by the school. I didn’t mean child specific, but in general how on earth can governors have effective input if they don’t understand the broad needs of those attending.

No, she has fortnightly meetings about her daughter’s SEN issues. Academic meetings with teachers are different from SEN meetings with a HOY or SEND co-ordinator.
I agree with others who say go to the parents’ evening and celebrate her success. It’s even more important to do so when a child has SEN.

The answer to the OPs original question is clear. Her ex has never shown an interest so gets no say in matters and should back off.

My ex was always like this. I would help DS with homework as needed/make sure he got to school on time, you get it, all the usuals. It all went fine 95% or more of the time but maybe once or twice a term there would be a reminder that DS had forgotten his homework or PE kit. My ex would go MENTAL!! This was despite never once offering to come over and help with homework/pack school bag etc. There was never any thanks for all the times it went perfectly fine, just criticism for the small minority of times it went wrong. I thought it said more about him than me actually 🤷‍♀️

You didn’t ‘comment’ you wrote several diatribes demonstrating a complete lack of understanding of the issues, critiquing her parenting skills (not to mention her language) and supporting her abusive ex’s viewpoint. To the point where you were deleted for it.

It depends on whether DD has to attend. In some schools it’s compulsory. DD is ND and l don’t think anyone here is qualified to critique OP’s parenting choices unless they are a lot more familiar with the situation than are randoms on the internet.

You do understand that just because something works well for you doesn’t mean it’s applicable to all don’t you? Maybe you don’t

If you had read the whole thread you would know that wasn’t true. If you are having to ask why OP is in fortnightly contact with the head of year, then you clearly missed the fact that DD is ND - OP advocated for, and successfully had her placed in a support program to help her confidence. Hence the one to one updates with the head of year. Does that say ‘can’t be bothered’ to you ?

DD is also gifted and despite having made her GCSE choices and being clear about what she wants, some teachers are putting pressure on for her to study their subjects. Possibly OP doesn’t want her to be exposed to that pressure, and if she’s up to date on her progress and supports her GCSE choices, then they don’t need the inevitable hassle at the parents’ evening.

And what do you mean OP has her arse in her hands about her ex ? Do you mean her physically and verbally abusive ex, who despite trying to strangle her, still has access and parental rights regarding his DD ? No one here supports men like that and OP hasn’t been handed her arse here - quite the opposite in fact..

Everyone's different but I think you don't even suggest to your child whether you should sack it off and give them the choice. You just do it; and that it makes quite an important statement. It shouldn't even be a question. Dd doesn't have to come if it would cause her stress or anxiety.

Because there's always tja slightest chance that despite what dd says, she would actually like you to take an interest and go.

Several posters said this upthread. OP went back and had another talk with DD. She definitely doesn’t want to go. OP is in regular contact with the head of year. DD has already made her GCSE choices. Two hours sitting about waiting to engage with teachers for about two minutes at a time isn’t going to tell OP anything she doesn’t already know.

Not sure if you meant to quote me but I’m following the thread and I agree. I was responding to someone saying just go

OP has already said she has regular (fortnightly I think) contact with her child’s teachers.

Why is that needed if the child is such a marvel that parents evening is unnecessary?

This whole thread is becasue OP can't be bothered and has her arse in her hands about her ex.

No I did see that but I still think you just go, it's just what you do.

OP has already said she has regular (fortnightly I think) contact with her child’s teachers.

@PyongyangKipperbang "have six kids and come back and say that again"??
Really?
It's not her fault you saw fit to have six kids ffs.

Yes of course he's being an arse.

But imo you just go. It's just one of those things you do. Because there's always tja slightest chance that despite what dd says, she would actually like you to take an interest and go. To sit and hear the teachers say how well she's doing - to engage with the activity and place where she spends the majority of her time when not at home.

Just do it.

Ermmm no, do you have memory problems. The OP complained that YOU weren’t answering her question.

It’s really useful that when you advance search on here you can see everything a poster has said. The very first few of your posts on this thread you were sanctimoniously going on about how both parents should attend, and nothing about OPs AIBU.

You then made stupid suggestions and then started victim blaming.

you then kept on calling it an open day or teacher meet,

Edited to add: let’s not forget the fact you have no idea what ND stands for despite being a governor for what you say are special schools

Please show me where you have sensitively considered OPs AIBU?

spoiler alert you haven’t.

Gotcha moment right there

In yet another complete derail of OP's thread, you display your complete ignorance of the education of children with SEN, and horrifically refer to them as 'problem children'.

You refer to other posters showing a 'great lack of tolerance and understanding' when you have epitomised intolerance and lack of understanding throughout this thread.

As for 'idiots who think they know better', if the cap fits, please wear it. You have just learned the meaning of ND today, yet you have taken it upon yourself to lecture the mothers of ND children in this post and to give them a list of ridiculous questions that you think they should be asking about their own children.

Why are you picking on this poster? Aren’t we all entitled to free speech? Or do you only agree with it when it’s you doing the talking?

im sure you have been asked this many times in your life but what on earth is wrong with you? You seem to have issues

Do you struggle basic comprehension in your governing role too? I really hope no children in schools you govern haven’t suffered from any decisions of your very clear poor judgement

What's the matter with you? Posters can respond directly to the OP and to other posters. They can respond on behalf of the OP if they wish. It isn't against posting guidelines. Why do you think that you have the authority to police this thread when the OP has asked you many times to leave as your contributions are the opposite of helpful and yet here you are, still posting uninformed, judgemental rubbish?