Page 14 | to tell ex that if parents evening is that important, he can sodding well go?

PyongyangKipperbang · 2025-03-04T22:51:06+00:00

Youngest of six in senior school. Parents evening once a term and every term it is the same. She is top set and doing very well, not bragging, just a fact. I spend a couple of hours sitting waiting and then probably half an hour total being told that she is doing very well and then getting the sales pitch for her to choose their subject for GCSE. Talked to her earlier about the next one and asked her if she would mind if we didnt go, she said she thought it was a waste of time. Her father messaged me tonight asking if I had made the appointments as he gets the email reminders. I said no as I wasnt going and asked if he had made his own appointments. He went MAD. I am a bad mother, I dont care about her, I should go blah blah. I said that I had been to all the other appointments and it hadnt really told me anything I didnt know but he was welcome to go himself. Again, it was my job, I am a shit mother who doesnt care about her. So that was when I lost my shit and said "Well considerning you have never been to a single one of her parents evenings, perhaps this is the time you should go if you think it matters so much". Radio Silence. I dont feel that it will make any difference, DD agrees. So, if it matters to him so much, he can go right?

ErrolTheDragon · 04/03/2025 23:57

Of course YANBU.
This response was spot on
But spoiler alert - he doesn't think they are important, he just wants to control you and make your life more difficult while he sits around feeling like the superior parent.
Though he sounds like such an arsehole it's probably best he doesn't.

Original poster

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/03/2025 23:55

TheClawDecides · 04/03/2025 23:50

AIBU to tell my ex that if he thinks parents evening, the thing he has never once attended in all her years in school, is so important he can go himself instead of demanding I go and verbally abusing me when I say no?

You've been on MN long enough to know the answer to this.

Not sure why you're asking?

Show quote history

Because years of abuse make you question yourself.

I know deep down I am right but.....there is always a but.

OP posts:

TheClawDecides · 04/03/2025 23:50

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/03/2025 23:48

Any chance of answering what I asked?

Which is "If he care so much, he can go himself?" Not saying "Wow! You dont want to go to your DD's parents evening?! That appalling!"

I am happy with that decision, as is DD, or so she says and I will, thanks to a PP, be talking to her again about it.

AIBU to tell my ex that if he thinks parents evening, the thing he has never once attended in all her years in school, is so important he can go himself instead of demanding I go and verbally abusing me when I say no?

You've been on MN long enough to know the answer to this.

Not sure why you're asking?

Original poster

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/03/2025 23:48

Any chance of answering what I asked?

Which is "If he care so much, he can go himself?" Not saying "Wow! You dont want to go to your DD's parents evening?! That appalling!"

I am happy with that decision, as is DD, or so she says and I will, thanks to a PP, be talking to her again about it.

AIBU to tell my ex that if he thinks parents evening, the thing he has never once attended in all her years in school, is so important he can go himself instead of demanding I go and verbally abusing me when I say no?

OP posts:

Original poster

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/03/2025 23:38

Shinyandnew1 · 04/03/2025 23:06

Wow-none of mine have had termly parents evenings at secondary, is that typical? For every year group?

Mine have one per year and they are spread out for all the year groups. The teaching staff must work a lot of evenings!

no only seems to be Y9 because of GCSE choices.

ETA....was every term at primary, once a year at senior but is once a term in GCSE choice year. Sorry for buggering that up in my OP.

OP posts:

TheClawDecides · 04/03/2025 23:35

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/03/2025 23:15

Have 6 kids and come back and say that again!

3 are officially gifted (including DD) and all that we got was the sales pitch for them doing that particular subject for GCSE and them staying for A Levels. 2 were bang on average and we got the "who? Oh yes, no trouble, nice kid" for them. And one with SEN who needed help they wouldnt give but wasnt enough trouble to notice. So forgive me for not seeing the point in these things.

Show quote history

Oh come on now OP you're starting to sound like my mum it's not your kids fault you decided to have 6 of them.

This is exactly what I meant when I said that being the 5th child meant my parents became indifferent.

They're individual people and should be treated as such, without their siblings parents evenings affecting theirs.

Trumptonagain · 04/03/2025 23:35

Once a term, never remember going that frequently when mine were at school, I suspect some teachers would also rather not go that often too.

It sounds like you've been going regularly in the past and if your DD has said that she doesn't mind that you miss the next one that's all that matters.

If the ex thinks by you going to them frequently in the past makes you a bad mother I'd have asked him outright as he can't be arsed to attend any pasr or present, what he thinks that makes him.

caramelsundaexx · 04/03/2025 23:32

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Redfred00 · 04/03/2025 23:31

Tell him to kiss your 🍑. CF. He has NEVER been to parents evening and your the shit parent. It's your job. I bet everything is your bloody job. Prat.

MrsSkylerWhite · 04/03/2025 23:31

PyongyangKipperbang · Today 23:05

MrsSkylerWhite · Today 23:00
It’s important if she’s choosing GCSE subjects. Personally, I’d want to go.

She has chosen her GCSE subjects, and I fully support her choices. I suspect some of her teachers wont though, and that is why she doesnt want to go.
She is a science/maths/IT kid, but the history and geography teachers are already putting pressure on.

In which case I’d definitely go, to fight her corner.

BlumminFreezin · 04/03/2025 23:30

Have 6 kids and come back and say that again!

That's hardly your dd's fault.

I think it's a poor show not to go. And I think you're naiive if you think you're fully aware of all of your teenagers feelings on the matter. Bright, kind, sensitive teenagers (I have 2) will be acutely tuned into you and are quite likely to tell you what they think you'd like to hear ime. Especially if they're also aware of how busy/tired or whatever you are.

I've been to some banal shit in my years as a parent. Parents evenings, meet the teacher, concerts (2 hours to watch your child's 4 minute scene anyone?). Frozen my arse off on the sides of many pitches, watching sports I have zero interest in and cheering on teams I don't care about.

But at 17, my eldest will reminisce about the time he broke his finger at football or the time when Mr Jones got him mixed up with Tommy at parents evening or 100 other things.

And I'm very glad now that I never ducked out of the boring stuff. Because it matters. It matters to them, even when they say it doesn't. Even when THEY think it doesn't.

Daisyvodka · 04/03/2025 23:25

Cracking response to your ex OP, that gave me a good laugh! Where do these men find the audacity???
As you've spoken to your daughter and she's been quite explicit how she feels about them, I'd be tempted not to go, if you are both happy with her GCSE choices?
She isn't going to 'suffer because her parents can't get on' in this instance so why the hell not. Sounds like she's doing great, might as well show her that her dad has double standards!

Tintackedsea · 04/03/2025 23:23

Parents evenings are a waste of time. You are quite right. If he wants to go he can. No one is stopping him.

LadyGaGasPokerFace · 04/03/2025 23:21

He can go. You’ve done more than your fair share. Dd sounds like she’s not bothered by it and knows what she wants to do. Good on her.

sageGreen81 · 04/03/2025 23:19

He's a dick u are right

Original poster

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/03/2025 23:15

Moveoverdarlin · 04/03/2025 23:07

I would just hate the thought of my daughter not having a parent there on parents evening.

So you’ve got to sit there and listen to teachers tell you how bright your daughter is? Wow, what a fucking nightmare. I’m sure so many parents dread parents evening due to issues their children are facing and you can’t be arsed to go because they always say she’s doing well. Bizarre.

Yes your argument is completely valid regarding your ex, but he sounds a shit Dad anyway so I wouldn’t rely or want him to go.

Hearing people say nice things about my children is something I could sit through time and time again.

Have 6 kids and come back and say that again!

3 are officially gifted (including DD) and all that we got was the sales pitch for them doing that particular subject for GCSE and them staying for A Levels. 2 were bang on average and we got the "who? Oh yes, no trouble, nice kid" for them. And one with SEN who needed help they wouldnt give but wasnt enough trouble to notice. So forgive me for not seeing the point in these things.

OP posts:

everychildmatters · 04/03/2025 23:12

@PyongyangKipperbang Ah it makes sense now. He sounds very similar to my ex who said I'd never be able to manage financially without him - Mr Big Balls. Well yes actually I've always worked and never needed you or your money, sunshine!
I bet your ex is very jealous of your success and is acting out like a petulant child. Stay strong like the independent woman you clearly are 💪

Original poster

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/03/2025 23:07

everychildmatters · 04/03/2025 22:59

Eh?!!! He doesn't want to go and hasn't been to any but went mad at you for saying you weren't going to go?!!!!!
Has he got a BIg Man Job he can't get out of but expects you to be able to attend because your job is (of course) far less important?
What a dick!!!

Edited

No, he used to have a "big job" but now I am the one with the big job. He got sacked for sexual harrassment. Wonder if you can work out why I divorced him?

OP posts:

Moveoverdarlin · 04/03/2025 23:07

I would just hate the thought of my daughter not having a parent there on parents evening.

So you’ve got to sit there and listen to teachers tell you how bright your daughter is? Wow, what a fucking nightmare. I’m sure so many parents dread parents evening due to issues their children are facing and you can’t be arsed to go because they always say she’s doing well. Bizarre.

Yes your argument is completely valid regarding your ex, but he sounds a shit Dad anyway so I wouldn’t rely or want him to go.

Hearing people say nice things about my children is something I could sit through time and time again.

Shinyandnew1 · 04/03/2025 23:06

Wow-none of mine have had termly parents evenings at secondary, is that typical? For every year group?

Mine have one per year and they are spread out for all the year groups. The teaching staff must work a lot of evenings!

Original poster

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/03/2025 23:05

MrsSkylerWhite · 04/03/2025 23:00

It’s important if she’s choosing GCSE subjects. Personally, I’d want to go.

She has chosen her GCSE subjects, and I fully support her choices. I suspect some of her teachers wont though, and that is why she doesnt want to go.

She is a science/maths/IT kid, but the history and geography teachers are already putting pressure on her.

OP posts:

Dweetfidilove · 04/03/2025 23:03

So he's absolved himself of his shittiness, presumably because he has a penis? Right 👌🏾.
Controlling twat.

Original poster

PyongyangKipperbang · 04/03/2025 23:02

TheClawDecides · 04/03/2025 22:58

He should go if he wants to.

BUT, I'm the youngest of 5 in my family and to be honest even though I'm in my mid fifties now, I still feel a bit sad that my parents lost interest in my parents evenings and saw them as a waste of time because I was good in all my subjects and there were never any problems.

I played it down and agreed it was a waste of time, but deep down I just wanted them to take an interest and it was always nice sitting there while my teachers praised me to my parents.

It was almost as though they were telling me they were fed up with it all because they'd been through it already with my 4 older siblings.

Not a very nice feeling to be honest.

I can understand that. But in my defence, DD has other issues that mean that I am in contact with school a lot. She knows that I care that I am proud of her, but she hates parents evenings! The appointment system doesnt work. We tried doing it online last term and three of the eight calls didnt happen and of the ones that did it was "She is doing very well, we really think she should take "subject" as GCSE". I didnt make this decision alone, it was done with her input.

But I will talk again with her about this on the basis of what you have said, thank you. I dont want her agreeing with me if its not what she really feels.

OP posts:

MrsSkylerWhite · 04/03/2025 23:00

It’s important if she’s choosing GCSE subjects. Personally, I’d want to go.

Rainbowqueeen · 04/03/2025 23:00

Yes he should go.

But spoiler alert - he doesn't think they are important, he just wants to control you and make your life more difficult while he sits around feeling like the superior parent.