to tell ex that if parents evening is that important, he can sodding well go?

I suspect your ex feels emasculated by virtue of being the lower earner and having lost his job for a reason which tells everyone in the know that he's a bit of a pathetic arsehole. So it's a case of grabbing any stick to beat you with, without thinking it through properly.

18 times a year. Really? You would love to hear 18 times a year 10 teachers say the same thing about your child?

OP I hate parents evening it's so long and dull and I get told exactly the same thing about each child (we have 4). It's boring if it's positive and boring if it's negative (we have a mix of both).

Wouldn't she be required to take one of the humanities anyway?

Does she need to go? I never attended parents evening. My parents always went without me.

I think one of you should go. It’s his turn. We generally take turns but don’t both go.

You're right that he should take it in turns to go, but you're wrong to have planned on no one going. Asking your daughter was very unfair, of course she told you what you wanted to hear.

Even if she isn't fussed about it now, do you want the risk of her realising when she's older how crappy it was of you? There's many things my parents didn't bother with that didn't upset me when I was younger but now I look back as an adult and realise they should have made more effort with even if I said it was OK not to.

100000% agree with you. I have 3 kids. I do all the parents eve. Last one was for my youngest.... he's also choosing options and does well at school. I had forgotten this was the sales pitch one. Complete waste of time. 'Yes he does well, yes he should do my gcse' at least ours are online which works well but my kids don't sit in as sometimes I'm at work doing them.

I’m totally with you, especially as your dd feels the same. I went to all the parents evenings and would get the same feedback you're getting (my ex didn’t go to a single one), but they would give me blinding headaches by the end of the evening, I think it was all the waiting around and bright lights. If your dd wasn’t in agreement I would say still go (if ex wouldn't). He’s got a damn nerve though hasn’t he! I’d just ignore him from now on regarding his parent’s evening queries.

Yeah poor kid missing out on being dragged round school for 2 hours when she doesn't need to be 🙄

I think you should go because it can be a space to discuss other issues and “my child finds this boring” is not a good enough reason not to spend an evening doing something but you weren’t unreasonable in what you said to your ex, you were spot on.

Poor kid. Neither parent can be bothered to go to parents evening.

As a parent to a child who did really well all through school. The teachers don't really want to see us. They have a finite amount of time slots and need to spend their time on the parents of the kids who aren't doing as well.
We would get polite, works well, these are their expected levels,could do with a few more like him, polite giggles and off to the next one.
It got to a point where we would sit down and reel it off to the teachers before they could say anything.
Only go if there's something you need to talk about with the teachers.

I have a high performing kid too. Just done parents evening, biggest waste of time ever. He also couldn’t give a shit if we go or not, because guess what, not all kids are total snowflakes who cry if their parents don’t go to ONE parents evening. You aren’t checking out of parenting all together, you aren’t missing them getting an award, it’s one parents evening that your daughter doesn’t even want you to go to. I cannot believe you are getting shit over that

You're doing the right thing OP. If your DD is top set and has no issues with her work then it's definitely not crucial to go every term. As long as you attend one or two, that should suffice. You've already explained that your DD doesn't want to go, and has already chosen her GCSE subjects. BTW, good choices too.

You've also said you already have lots of contact with the school for other reasons, so nothing stopping the school speaking to you if they had any concerns.

Your ex is a twat. If he has another go about attending, ask him why exactly it's YOUR job to attend, as you're only one of her parents. Selfish, misogynistic pig!

If he thinks it's so important, he can do it or shut the fuck up!

As for, "why wouldn't you want to listen to teacher praise your child for half an hour", type responses. That's not about the child, that's about massaging mummy's ego. Maybe, OP isn't seeking other people's approval with a "good job mum".

Yes, let’s skip over Dad’s hypocrisy, ignore the fact that he’s checked out of any responsibility in this respect, and go straight to guilting Mum because she doesn’t see any point in sitting for hours waiting to be seen when everything is fine, and DD doesn’t want her to go anyway. At no point did OP say she can’t be arsed going. She said she’s in regular contact with the school and doesn’t see the need when she’s already up to date. And FYI she didn’t ask for a critique of her parenting skills, she asked whether she was right to tell her ex that if parents evening is so important to him, then he can go himself. That’s all.

You don't need to go! I remember finally convincing my mum (probably in 6th form) not to go. She said to me recently that she liked going because she got to hear nice things about me. You basically know what they will say! Don't go and let ex go if he wants!

I say this as a parent who is very engaged in education and supporting my children's learning at home. My eldest is only 9 but already I can predict what they will say! (I definitely still go now for clarity).

I didn’t go for the last 2 years for all my kids. And they were online!

I actually think teachers appreciate skipping the parents for whom there is little benefit.

YANBU.. No need to go. Your reply to your ex was perfect.

If it's important enough for you to go it's important enough for him to go. Can't have it both ways.

Completely ok. I’d tally the amount you’ve done 70 parents evenings now, maybe you can experience your first one before they stop completely

I don't think you should be consulting your GCSE-age DD about whether or not she thinks you need to go to her parents evening.

A parent should go, whichever one of you it is, even if she is doing well.

Obviously if he has never been then he shouldn't be pressuring you and complaining - he needs to step up and go to one.

But, YABU to disregard it and consider it unimportant.

‘Your poor daughter’ who agrees that they’re a waste of time ?

Of course yanbu! If he thinks it’s so important, he can go. You shouldn’t be having contact with an abusive ex: surely the dc are all old enough to have phones/make their own arrangements? Leave them to it.

Been sacked from a job and a marriage for not treating women’s refusals with respect, and now the way he’s still trying to control you. I applaud your firmness OP, but I wouldn’t want him anywhere near my daughter’s GCSE choices.