to tell ex that if parents evening is that important, he can sodding well go?

Yup he’s a tit and can go himself. I have a very similar family (though luckily not the horror XH) and we came to the same conclusion.

It is one night a year/term, and the only opportunity to connect with her subject teachers to know what is going on in each subject and gives you, or her, an opportunity to ask questions too, parents evening is a two way conversation. Parents evenings are not just for parents of kids who are struggling.

This is more important now she is moving into GCSEs years. Even if you only make appointments with the subjects she is considering taking I think it is important to go.

It sends a powerful message to your dd that you really care about and are actively involved with her school, her education and are there to support her. As the 5th child in my family, I would never have admitted it to my parents, how I felt when they didn’t do the same things with me as they did for my older siblings, perhaps thinking it wasn’t worth their time. Intentional or not, that message still resonates with me.

The reasons to go far outweigh not going.

Ignore your ex's comments, do what you feel is right for your dd.

I thought DD wasn’t bothered and as fed up with them as OP?

She is the last one left at home and gets all of my time she isnt some poor neglected "bottom of the heap" little scrap.

Sounds like you're exhausted after going through this 6 times and just can't be arsed at this point. Parents evenings are important especially at this point in her education, you not bothering sends a powerful message to her as to how you value education.

Mine always came with me, the school expected their attendance (independent school so was probably stricter about these things). In fact I think they had to stay after school and parents just met them there.

Completely get your reasons for not going and your ex is an arse no question. The only point I'd make is why miss this one out of all the others when it concerns GCSE options? Even though she's picked her options, further advice/ insight/ discussion might be useful.

Why hasnt he been to any parent evenings himself. Lazy sod. You are in the right here. If there were any issues then school would call you.
Parents evening is ridiculous anyway, you get 5 minutes so you cant even have a decent conversarion about anything anyway. If he ever went he would know this.

I was in that exact position.

I did exactly as you did.

XH never went. Another thing for DD to add to her "he's a twat" list.

My kids did well at school but I always went to every single parent’s evening, I think you should go.

Until the exam years I often found with my 2 also high achieving girls that half the teachers actively would not see me so I would end up sitting around the school hall for ages before being told she was doing great in a subject she actively loathed and couldn’t wait to drop.

so long as your dd is happy, crack on and ignore your ex

I voted YABU.
Kids say all sorts to placate parents and avoid unwanted situations. I wouldn’t ’not go’ because my child agreed it was a waste of time. It’s important to show up for your kids. All of them. For the good, the bad and the ugly.

The issue with your ex’s refusal to attend is a You and Ex issue. Don’t let your child fall between the cracks there.
I’d go. And express huge pride that your DD is still performing consistently brilliantly! A lot of parents would love to be in that position. Don’t take it for granted and be there for your child so she and her teachers/the school know you care and support her.

Just MHO.

I hated parents evenings as a child. I did well in school but hated everything about it. If my parents had said they had to skip the occasional one, I’d have been delighted.

On topic: OP, if he’s never been to one he doesn’t have a leg to stand on. Ignore him. You aren’t the unreasonable one here.

I get it. My fourth is doing GCSE’s now and I’m fed up with the parent evening thing at this point. I missed the one in Autumn term, the only one I’ve ever missed but did go to the one a couple weeks ago as it was the last one before GCSEs start. I can’t say I’m sorry it’s almost over after 25 years of doing the school system. And when you’re a single parent you don’t get a respite from having to juggle stuff about to go. I also have a child who is quiet and doing ok. She isn’t a problem and just gets on with it so they often don’t have much to say other than she needs to contribute more and speak up. But that’s been same since reception class! She’s naturally quiet and introverted.

I think you/someone should go.

Even if your child is appearing to be doing well there is more than academic prowess.

It's a sign to your child that you are taking an interest, even if the 'agree' that you needn't go.

Sometimes other matters crop up in that short conversation. As well as meeting teachers most I've been involved with also have stands from 6th form colleges, careers etc.

It's also a chance to see other parents as the primary school gate society dies post Y6.

Someone needs to go. I hope you're sure that your dd isn't feeling like nobody can be bothered because she's the last in the family line.

@OrangeYaGlad no I don't get that, and it's hardly something a school can enforce, the response to the daughter not wanting to go to parents evening is hardly to just not bother going at all, I'm sure school would rather someone was there rather than no one at all.

DD doesn't have to go. But I'd be strongly encouraging it. Anyone who is so exceptional there is nothing but comments of that nature needs to get used to handling positive feedback with grace and without embarrassment. She's not going to be able to refuse her appraisals because her boss says nice things, is she? Handling positive feedback is a life skill, both in the moment and so it can be processed as something constructive.

Some people really don't understand that in some schools the kid has to go to. It's not that difficult a concept.

Not making your child regular do a pointless thing they hate does not mean they're not getting enough attention. It means the exact opposite.

I would say YABU for that ridiculously tame message you sent him. You owe him nothing now, put him in his fucking box.

Absolutely he should make his own appointments. However I think you should both go as you don't know for sure what you'll be told until you get there, do you? If it feels a waste of time, why not steer the meeting in a direction that would be useful with some questions? There must be some things you'd like to know more about. And even if it is just ten minutes of positive feedback that's good to hear, for DD too, even if she can't be bothered either.

And we are told on MN that a ton of kids still means the children get plenty of parental attention. Go to parents evening, if she hates it she doesn't have to go, but you should go. And you should want to go.

And if your daughter didn't want to sit there and hates the whole thing? You'd be pretty selfish to make her so you can preen about being the perfect parent (while clearly putting yourself before your kid)

Why is this turning into a race to the bottom? A competition to point the finger at who is the shittiest parent? If that’s what we’re doing, you’re both being bad parents in this situation, and he is worse. Congratulations???