to tell ex that if parents evening is that important, he can sodding well go?

Wow, l missed this. Yes. CIDP is thought to be related to Guillain Barre syndrome. They’re both auto immune diseases causing difficulty with walking, respiratory problems and a wide range of other effects. If I remember rightly GBS is the acute form, often requiring emergency and ICU treatment and CIDP is chronic, with a slower onset - it affects the nerves around the brain and spinal cord.

l was a disability out reach worker for many years from the early 1990s. I’ve dealt with a broad spectrum of disability in that time. I only came across GBS/CIDP a couple of times towards the end of my career. It’s quite a rare form of autoimmune disease, and l don’t know the intricacies of it but l do remember one client saying that they had been misdiagnosed with MS and the CIDP symptoms had been recognised and treated too late to avoid him being left with permanent loss of sensation and impaired walking ability. I seem to remember breathing difficulties too, but not sure if that was connected.

I agree. That poster is indefatigable in her awfulness and whenever you think that she has thankfully disappeared, up she pops again with some new ignorant, goady and ableist take on the situation. She's either in a different time zone or nocturnal.

Unfortunately, having most of her posts deleted doesn't seem to deter her.

Because they have a child together, and that child is coming to a crucial time in her education. OP has already explained that she limits contact with her ex wherever possible, but that he has access to DD, so sometimes it’s unavoidable. And you didn’t advise her not to respond, you blamed her for his abusiveness.

I know what you mean. I’m just shocked that she is still able to post despite the derailment and some of the views expressed. Who knows how decisions are made in mnhq huh

As a secondary maths teacher, I agree with you entirely! I love a positive chat with parents about how well their children are doing (most of mine are 16, 17 and 18) but I wouldn't blame you for not thinking it is necessary.

I would just say though, that it is important to praise bright children for doing well as much as everyone else. It's very common for parents (and teachers) to take for granted that bright children will keep working hard.

I reported a couple of openly and shockingly ableist posts and MN saw fit to let one of them stand, so l wouldn’t be too hopeful that they agree she’s crossed a line. l haven’t helped because l’ve replied to most of them as well as the ones in which she’s tagged me, so l suppose l’ve perpetuated the derailment. It’s just so hard to ignore a poster who seems to be trying their hardest to be as offensive as possible.

DD is in a program to help with her confidence - something OP was instrumental in arranging, and she gets regular fortnightly one to one updates from DD’s head of year on DD’s progress, both academically and socially. If anything changes she doesn’t have to wait for a parents evenings, she’s constantly kept informed.

2 things would it be beneficial and does DD want you to go

we only went to a few our kids were 100% happy with this

only went in the first year and then when we needed advice on subject choices and in the last year
think we went to about 4 and can honestly say 1/2 of them were a waste of time

I’ve reported , it’s disgusting isn’t it

I’ve been on many threads where OP’s have been misinterpreted and posters have gone off at a tangent then argued the toss because they’ve not read - only skimmed. Seems to be the norm for MN these days to ignore what’s actually being asked and deliver a critique of the OP instead. But this one is off the scale. If there was a quick poll l wonder how many posters - if they were honest - completely missed that DD is ND, and that OP’s marriage ended because her ex was physically and verbally abusive, and ultimately tried to kill her. Either reading comprehension is markedly deteriorating or some posters are deliberately avoiding facts in order to either project their own experience or support their own narrative. That little ‘see all’ button on the OP might just as well not be there.

My son was always doing v well. Things changed bit in latter years. It’s also to see if they are ok in themself/ any concerns about mood or friendships. I wouldn’t miss it as things can change quickly during teens.

I think the OP cmade it clear that your small minded opinion didn’t matter to her. I have read your posts and you seem to have something wrong with you

@MNHQ it might be time to get @llizzie off this thread now. What a total derailment and they are clearly on the wind up - saying ND didn't exist before 2000. Please. People come here for help and this person is just totally derailing this thread.

And your time would be better spent off Mumsnet and taking your nasty bigoted and ableist opinions somewhere else. It’s only a few posts ago that you were insinuating that diagnosis was linked to disability benefits. Of course these conditions existed before 2000, they just weren’t recognised as such and children were left to get on with it. Have a look at how many middle aged women who have always known they were on the spectrum are now finally being diagnosed. The incidence of ND isn’t increasing, it was always there. It just wasn’t recognised. The tools now exist to identify it, so there is more diagnosis.

You didn’t know ND existed until a few days ago. You think googling a bit makes you an expert, and in a position to come here and lecture and belittle people who are living with it every day ? You claim to have been on the board of governors more than one special school, and yet you know nothing of the struggles parents have to get a diagnosis and appropriate provision for their children, or how LAs will stall with EHCPs.

My time on here is well spent if it’s challenging the narrow, ignorant and ableist crap spouted by people like you.

OP: I agree with you entirely. Your DH should step up if he’s so bothered and I think you know enough about your daughter and her school to decide whether or not it’s important to go to a particular parents’ evening - particularly given that you are in regular contact with the school and the sessions are termly this year.

Sorry that your thread has been derailed by @llizzie who seems to have several screws loose. But I think you’ve handled him/her magnificently.

@llizzie You literally didn't even know what neurodiversity was until a couple of days ago and you now feel qualified enough to lecture mums who have children with SEN?

You think that there were no children with SEN before 2000? No autism? No ADHD?

You are actually blaming mums with SEN kids for not doing anything about why their children have these conditions? You need to go on the Mumsnet SEN boards to educate yourself about the heartbreaking struggles that some mums go through to get help and support for their SEN kids, particularly in relation to their education. Your ignorant and ill-informed views are an insult to the parents of these children.

Your ignorance and lack of empathy and self-awareness are off the scale. Your views actually disgust me.

You are such a nasty bigot. Here you are on your victim blaming again.

These conditions did exist before 2000, but now we have greater understanding and more clinicians who can make the diagnosis. It’s a good thing if we can get support where it is needed and not just label them as problem or naughty children

If you’re going to give an opinion at least make it informed instead of coming from your own nasty bigoted prejudices

And now you are blaming mums for their children having neurodiversity. Can you really now see how offensive you are being?

Neurodiversity diagnosis rates have increased in the last 50 years because there is a lot more being spotted and not just swept under the carpet as ‘problem children’ (your words). There is no evidence that there is an actual increase in the conditions just an increase in diagnosis.

Which is why I advised her not to respond to him again. Why was I wrong?

You won't agree with me, but for the OP to say her X was so afraid of her he 'cowered behind a door' when she dropped off DD is nasty. Did he just want to avoid another row?

If you had any understanding of coercive controlling bullies, you would know that in general they are also cowards. The reason he was cowering behind the door is the same reason he cowers behind a phone when he’s dishing out abuse, and the same reason he will physically and verbally abuse a woman but wouldn’t dare do the same to another man. Cowardice. Why is this such a hard concept for you to get your head around ?

If you read updates from OP she confirms that she does discuss her daughter’s progress in these meetings. What she says in response to another poster is:

You should go to parents evening.
Why, when thanks to my regular catch ups with her HOY, I know all the information that would be given at the parents evening?

OP didn’t ask whether one of them should go though - and she’s explained her reasons for not going, ad nauseam.

The issue is not whether her ex believes it’s woman’s work to go to these events. It’s that he’s a coercive, controlling arsehole whose verbal abuse and physical violence ended their marriage, and yet he still thinks OP should obey him without question while he does as he likes, and resorts to verbal abuse and threats if she defies him. OP didn’t ’tell him to attend’. She told him that if he thought it was so important he should go himself - which he has never done, but which he uses as another form of attempted control.

OP has a child with him. He has access and parental rights. From time to time she has to have contact with him concerning that child. And each time he uses it to try to control. These are the issues.

As most others have said, one of you should go. The main issue here is that he believes it's woman's work to make appointments and attend these. So yanbu to tell him to attend.

I responded because they completely failed to grasp the situation, and like many posters, including yourself, tried to turn the OP to suit their own narrative by answering a question OP didn’t ask.

Why did you respond to any of the posts you have ? And why are you trying to police a public forum ? First objecting to bad language, then demanding posters explain why they are responding to others. Where will it end ? You don’t seem to have grasped the concept of MN.