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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be irritated about school swimming attire rules 'for girls'?

184 replies

BeFairSloth · 04/03/2025 21:04

DD (10yo) does swimming lessons at school. The rules are that girls must wear a one piece swimming costume and we have of course adhered to the rules and purchased one specifically for these lessons.

DD is starting to get to the age where she's a bit more self-conscious of her own body and at home, prefers a tankini which has short-like bottoms and a full length tight (i.e. not flapping about everywhere) top. We encourage body confidence where we can, but I also want her to feel comfortable and confident in what she wears. I therefore asked whether her preferred tankini would be acceptable for lessons and was told no, girls must wear a one-piece.

On the other hand the boys all wear swim shorts and a few of them wear swim shorts with swim tops - the UV type ones.

I assume they're worried about a 'slippery slope' or girls starting to wear bikinis if they allow a full coverage tankini, but what is offensive about a girl's belly button, when most of the boys have their belly buttons out and some of them are even wearing two pieces?

I realise this is a small problem in the grand scheme of things, but it has left me (quietly, in my own home) quite irritated at the double standards. AIBU?

OP posts:
Tourist29 · 05/03/2025 07:15

Groosh · 04/03/2025 21:28

But there clearly are different standards for girls and boys, for obvious reasons. The rule is to prevent girls wearing bikinis, which are not suitable for children and often not suitable for proper swimming.

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Having worked in a school the reality is that it would not be a leap from tankini to thong bikini for some parents. None uniform day was a nightmare and what is considered appropriate dress varies enormously from parent to parent. The boundary is there to take this extra responsibility and hassle away from the staff who are there to supervise swimming.

Beentheretoolong · 05/03/2025 07:14

If we are talking primary age kids a tankini or extra shorts on top means extra items that can be left in the changing room or mixed up. A one piece means 1 item to shove in a bag and easier to identify the owner of… just a different perspective from a teacher with whole class swimming lesson experience.

8misskitty8 · 05/03/2025 06:57

Tankini bottoms over the swimsuit or buy a swimsuit that has a full brief or longer.

HarryVanderspeigle · 05/03/2025 06:56

I really don't see any double standards here and I see double standards everywhere usually! There are obvious needs for 10 year old girls to wear something on their top half when boys don't. Some boys want to cover up more, so wear a rash vest. No one has said girls can't wear a rash vest in addition to their swimsuit. No one has said that the swimsuits can't have sleeves or longer legs. Everyone can cover up more if they want.

InWalksBarberalla · 05/03/2025 06:52

BlondiePortz · 05/03/2025 06:08

What double standard? Are boys allowed bikinis and girls not? I presume boys wear shorts and no tops so would people who think there is a double standard be OK with girls/tweens/teens be ok with no top? Really?

Many school boys wear rash vests now, so the double standard is not allowing girls to also wear swim shorts and a rash vest.

DorothyStorm · 05/03/2025 06:41

BlondiePortz · 05/03/2025 06:08

What double standard? Are boys allowed bikinis and girls not? I presume boys wear shorts and no tops so would people who think there is a double standard be OK with girls/tweens/teens be ok with no top? Really?

That's so dumb. The girls want to wear a costume that covers more, so more like shorts the boys can wear. The boys are allowed to wear two pieces, the equivalent of a tankini the girls are not allowed to wear.

BlondiePortz · 05/03/2025 06:08

What double standard? Are boys allowed bikinis and girls not? I presume boys wear shorts and no tops so would people who think there is a double standard be OK with girls/tweens/teens be ok with no top? Really?

ThisFluentBiscuit · 05/03/2025 05:53

Those leg suits that have been posted in the links are ideal for a girl who wants a bit more coverage than is offered by a regular swimsuit. Pity you've already bought the one-piece, OP! If the label is still on, could you return it and get a leg suit?

PodgePie · 05/03/2025 00:59

Ablondiebutagoody · 05/03/2025 00:42

There's always one

Was that to me?

Ablondiebutagoody · 05/03/2025 00:42

There's always one

PodgePie · 05/03/2025 00:41

Surely it will make her feel more self conscious if she’s the only girl in different swimwear?

I’m a firm stickler for rules, but also wouldn’t want my daughter to feel uncomfortable. How much swimming is she doing at school? Is there any flex to work with the school to offer a slightly different style to accommodate girls who are more anxious about this?

DullardFrigate · 05/03/2025 00:34

My Dd is the same and wears a short wetsuit. It's like a T-shirt and shorts all in one.

rosemarble · 04/03/2025 23:39

Whycanineverthinkofone · 04/03/2025 23:14

They will be active- jumping in, diving to the bottom etc.

bikinis and tankini’s risk riding up, falling down or otherwise coming unstuck. They just aren’t adequate for lessons. Boys shorts/speedos are better designed to stay put.

i never wear a bikini as it’s just not practical if you want to actually swim or be active in the water.

My tankini top has never ridden up, or my short fallen down when I'm doing water sports. Because it fits me. I've come a cropper in a bikini top (mainly cos I have very small boobs that don't really warrant a bikini top!

rosemarble · 04/03/2025 23:36

JoyDreamer86 · 04/03/2025 21:29

If her tankini has virtually no gap then surely no one will mind or notice?

I wear a tankini with shorts and a long top (Lands End). I am tall and well fitting one piece suits are often hard to find.
It pretty much looks like a boy leg one piece.
It's much more practical on holiday if we're doing active water sports.
I honestly can't see how this would be a problem for school swim lessons.
They just need to state that the top needs to be like a one piece, NOT a bikini or crop top.

BobbyBiscuits · 04/03/2025 23:23

They should just say no bikini or crop tops, but swim leggings and or baggy swim shorts, plus stomach length swim vest should be acceptable for both sexes.

I remember hating swimming and getting changed in front of everyone. I deliberately left my kit at home and the teacher forced me to wear a costume about five sizes too small. I was an adult size 14 and this was a children's suit.
Mortifying. I didn't swim again fur about ten years!

Dramatic · 04/03/2025 23:19

StrawBeretMoose · 04/03/2025 22:09

I always wear bikinis at swimming pools, I have huge boobs and they are better off hoiked up in a supportive bra style bikini top. Not like those triangle bikinis but if that’s what someone wants to wear (not in school swimming lessons) then why not?

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Yeah same, I've never found a one piece that actually fits and supports my boobs as it should

Dramatic · 04/03/2025 23:17

If you'd sent her with it and it has no gap then I bet no one would have noticed

Whycanineverthinkofone · 04/03/2025 23:14

They will be active- jumping in, diving to the bottom etc.

bikinis and tankini’s risk riding up, falling down or otherwise coming unstuck. They just aren’t adequate for lessons. Boys shorts/speedos are better designed to stay put.

i never wear a bikini as it’s just not practical if you want to actually swim or be active in the water.

purpleme12 · 04/03/2025 23:12

StrawBeretMoose · 04/03/2025 22:09

I always wear bikinis at swimming pools, I have huge boobs and they are better off hoiked up in a supportive bra style bikini top. Not like those triangle bikinis but if that’s what someone wants to wear (not in school swimming lessons) then why not?

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So true

So hard to find costumes that fit for some people

purpleme12 · 04/03/2025 23:10

I bet they wouldn't say anything if she turned up in a tankini though would they

stichguru · 04/03/2025 23:09

Plus of course, you could just get her a one piece with shorts....

stichguru · 04/03/2025 23:07

a) one pieces are better for proper swimming because they are more slim-line in the water.
b) school are trying to get 30 kids changed through a lesson and out, without anyone drowning and without making the next class of swimmers late or being late for their own coach.
They don't need to be worried about whether what the girls are wearing is appropriate because any of the rules are open to interpretation. If proper full one-piece costumes are ok for women competing in mixed arenas, they are fine for school girls.

Fizbosshoes · 04/03/2025 22:58

Not the point of the thread but why do some pools not allow rash vests?

Lowkey28 · 04/03/2025 22:53

L0bstersLass · 04/03/2025 22:31

Can she not wear a one-piece as required?

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jeez

FallOfTheHouseOfUtterlyButterly · 04/03/2025 22:51

Put the tankini shorts over the one piece...