Crying over children’s behaviour at work

This is hilarious - how do you know I’m “distant”? How do you know we “cannot fulfill her emotional needs”?

I would say I spend more time with my daughter than 90% of my friends (the other 10% being SAHPs). I would also say that she is one of the most emotionally aware, attuned and empathetic children (as constantly commented on by teachers).

these judgements are exactly the issue I was highlighting - just because people work and have a nanny, does not mean they are “bad” parents.

Working and “a big house” doesn’t = awfully behaved children.

It's not wise to do this when you're relying on these people for references.

Hats off to you. You sound like a really superb professional.

None of the behaviour you've described here is normal or acceptable.

You're getting a walloping here from people whose opinions are frankly insulting.

I wouldn't renew my contract with this family either.

If you are able to retrain, would you consider social work, a bachelors degree in management, or (children's) nursing?

Very bluntly, you are just plain wrong.

A child who is defiant, throws food, and jumps on an adult at age 8 is a child whose development is seriously arrested. Children should be well settled into acceptable behavior by age 7/8.

Energy is something children need to be actively taught to control, beginning at toddler age. It's not an excuse for atrocious behaviour.

Ego needs to be actively pointed in the right direction too. The idea that children can be let run amok but they'll turn out OK in the end, develop a sense of consideration for others, and start listening and developing the resilience to cope with the word No is a case of denial, I fear.

Children crying and screaming to get their own way are crying and screaming for an adult to take charge and teach them to be regulated.

Rich people outsourcing the shitty parts of raising kids to the 'help' is hardly a new trend is it,it's been going on for centuries.

If you have enough money, you don't have to deal with your childrens' whining and tantrums in the same way you don't have to mow your own lawns or do your own taxes if you don't want to.

They're employing you to do the hard yards for them, and they get to pop in and out, enjoying the nice bits on their own terms.

I'm sure there are plenty of parents out there who can both afford a nanny and take a personal interest in disciplining their children, you just have to work out how to spot them early.

I worked as a nanny and I never had such horrible experiences, so I do believe you could find better families. The secret is finding good parents. The children I looked after would also misbehave but every time they were mean to me their parents intervened to make them understand that their behaviour was unacceptable. There have been times when I became frustrated with the children or didn’t make the best decisions but the parents were on my side because they understood the importance of not undermining me.
I think it’s important to discuss their parenting style at interview stage and to go through various scenarios to see how the parents would respond

I really feel for nannies, teachers and most people working in any childcare setting.

I'm a parent and you couldn't pay me enough to work with children these days. I regularly witness behaviours that make me want to 'parent' the parents.
Sometimes I feel so sorry for the poor children as the lack of parenting leaves them in such distress ☹️.

YANBU op.

I've noticed the same pattern but your noting it won't go down well on MN. 🤦

Perhaps it's time for a complete change? Let's face it, working with kiddies isn't amazingly paid so I bet there are soo many other options that pay the same or better, and don't have you being hit, body slammed, food thrown, etc.

@Proudestmumofone1 what about emotion it can't always be about money. You don't know how your daughter will feel later on about her upbringing from distant working parents. It's very hard to have a balance and have it all. You or your husband can not fulfil all her emotional needs if you are not there to provide it. My grandparents owned hotels and my mother and her siblings grew up to become cold adults. All I can say is good luck.

I was a nanny in early 2000's and most of kids had parents working full time, but kids were nice.
I have three and I'm SAHM now. My youngest two are lovely, my oldest has SEN so from 3-7yo was a hell (meltdowns), but now is nice too.
I think chilren reflect society.. everyone is always rushing, it's all 'experience', posted on Instagram.
Children copy everything, perhaps they copy parents?

How old is your daughter?

It’s all in the consistency of the parenting. If a child has security, affection and consistent boundaries then they have an excellent foundation on which to grow. It doesn’t matter in the slightest if parents work full-time or not. Or which social class they are. It’s possible as a parent to be an excellent stay at home parent/single parent/full-time working parent. But the child has to know, bone-deep, that they have the love of a parent (or two) and to be able to see them as a reliable caregiver. Bad behaviour stems partly from anxiety.

Yeah, fuck that. I don't know what the answer is but there is no way I'd be going back to that job.

And that is equally wrong…

two wrongs don’t make a right? Or is that a ‘bad parenting’ quote from someone in a big house?

The generalisations you are making are huge and downright offensive

Happens towards social housing tenants on here all the time
Now SOME will know how it fucking feels!!!

@Themanuscript oh and I’m also very confused about the notion you’re so badly paid.

Qualified nannies are gold dust and so hard to find. We pay in excess of £25 an hour plus holidays etc. 3 full days a week = £30k.

I can’t imagine that income is so awful compared to similar qualification-level jobs?

You do realise this is as offensive as saying ‘only low income’ children behave badly? Or only certain ethnicities?

There are huge variations within all economic brackets and within working parents. The generalisations you are making are huge and downright offensive.

Working parents is not a reason for badly behaved children. I am PROUD to be showing my daughter she can work hard, be top of her profession, earn money to support her wider family AND be a good person.

And yes we have a nanny. Who wouldn’t dream of making such awful generalisations about our family…

crying?
thats extreme?

Hexabonsareneverround, I never hope for women to have limited basic jobs. I never used the word women, nor limited, nor basic. Valium was about but I never saw it, never used it and my own experience was that of parents who were very fulfilled, both engaged in very important and enjoyable work.
My own shearer father always maintained that my mother's work was much more important than his own. My own mother delighted in her parenting and homemaking. Many people, even today, place great value on those who work caring for children. It has never been a basic or limiting task.
Some people, male and female choose it as their life's work.

I'm not sure why you've included neurodivergent in your list. Being ND is one of the best things about many young people I know. ND people are unique, interesting and genuine so please remove being ND from your 'list' of what children shouldn't be please.

Just like horses and dogs.

A very good {in my opinion} horseman says ''Discipline'' is a dirty word these days- Everyone wants to be their child''s/horses/dog's best friend.

{Discipline isn't hitting} It's boundaries and being expected to behave and to do as asked to keep people {and horses/dogs} safe.

That's quite shocking of the parents. We weren't like that!! When our kids tried to arbitrage between us and the nanny we just said nanny knows best and you do what nanny says when we're not here. She was wonderful and I miss her every day. A better mother than I can ever be. 😍

This a million times.

It's not the children's fault. They are too young to appreciated their good fortune.

Blame the parents.

You sound very experienced and knowledgeable OP , your skills are very transferable

https://prisonandprobationjobs.gov.uk/roles-at-hmpps/overview-of-the-probation-officer-role/probation-officer-training-pqip/

At least with adults if they body slam you, you can usually recall them to prison.

If you still want to work with young people look at youth offending roles or 16+ or leaving and after care social care teams. You don't need the social worker qualification for lots of those roles

Is part of the problem that the w are WFH so the children perhaps feel that if they play up enough, the parents will come out and take over?