Crying over children’s behaviour at work

JMSA · 08/03/2025 00:59

What an absolute shower of bastards they all are. I am so sorry, OP

Cryingwithlaughter91 · 08/03/2025 00:11

Listen to me. Teaching Assistant for 9 years, Teacher for 7 years, Safeguarding Governor and officer for 8 years. Qualified behaviour analyst and most important of all, mother of two.

ALL behaviour is communication. They want their parents attention and they simply aren't getting it. Your job is to set firm boundaries that are pre-agreed with parents, in addition to said parents NOT stepping in and undermining you. Middle class or working class, it makes no difference; some people just do not have time for their children in a variety of ways.

Set the boundaries and limit their choices eg, it's this or that, no sweets before dinner etc. This is your job and livelihood - and you need to work for people who respect exactly that, whilst simultaneously allowing you to build effective relationships with their children.

If not, do yourself a favour: protect your well-being and leave.

Isabellivi · 07/03/2025 21:39

My best friend is a primary teacher and confirms what you are saying. Since Covid children are more feral and many more severe issues. It was predictable. This harmed many children during their most sensitive developmental years. You don’t get a re do

CowboyJoanna · 07/03/2025 17:39

Some of the little shits on my estate live in households where neither parent works

BooomShakeTheRoom · 06/03/2025 15:53

JournalistEmily · 06/03/2025 06:58

While this behaviour is disgusting and completely unacceptable I do think we’ve created it as a society by placing far far too much pressure on both parents to be away from the home. I don’t know a single person now who could afford to not have both mum and dad working. The result is basically parents who are almost completely absent all week and then feel bad about everything when they are there. This isn’t an excuse, but I can see why this dynamic then occurs. The amount of very young children who are in nursery from 8-6 five days a week is shocking. Then we’re surprised when they don’t turn out to be well behaved balanced kids

Kids were terrors decades ago when most women were at home.

Why do people think children were angels before? I volunteer at a youth group and the behaviour of the kids there (6-8) doesn’t correlate whether their mum works or not. In fact, one of the most hyper has a SAHM.

Kids are at school from 8.30-3.15 (or similar) so the vast majority of their waking hours are spent being disciplined outside of their immediate family anyway.

BooomShakeTheRoom · 06/03/2025 15:49

Sunnysideup4eva · 05/03/2025 07:30

Crying and screaming to get their own way and bounding at people on the sofa is not normal behaviour in primary aged kids 😳😳
That should have been nipped in the bud when they were like, 2. And they very quickly learn no point crying /screaming to get their own way if it does not get them their own way!!
And there should absolutely be consequences for them even trying the screaming to get their own way!!
If you think this is normal you are very much part of the problem

Show quote history

What a load of BS. Every child I know who’s <10yrs has moments of outbursts, irrationality and poor behaviour. If you don’t experience that, fine, but my family and I aren’t part of the ‘problem’ and my children are perfectly developmentally normal.

Proudestmumofone1 · 06/03/2025 09:06

Themanuscript · 06/03/2025 08:15

If you are only seen as worth minimum wage, and only for a couple hours a day, then no wonder there’s no respect from anyone in the family (parents included).

and with that I’m leaving the thread.

Genuinely written wrongly - I apologise!

I meant that the family are seriously undervaluing your skill set as your hourly rate is below minimum wage if you count pension, holidays etc. no one should be expecting you to work below NMW.

I meant that the FAMILY aren’t giving you the respect you deserve (and therefore not supporting your boundaries, making sure your safe etc).

I was trying to say you are worth more in terms of job security, hours, holiday allowance and AT LEAST NMW.

I just think it’s a sign this particularly family sounds horrible and that you’ll be able to find somewhere better if you set your expectations.

anyway, sorry to have offended on this point - wasn’t my intention at all!

Proudestmumofone1 · 06/03/2025 08:58

Lollipopsicle · 06/03/2025 05:58

@Proudestmumofone1

If you are only seen as worth minimum wage, and only for a couple hours a day, then no wonder there’s no respect from anyone in the family (parents included).

Really? Not worthy of respect if you only earn minimum wage? What a nasty person you are.

Sorry that wasn’t meant in that way, but can see how it reads like that - I meant that she’s being paid UNDER that as self employed, and not given a full contract and her skills and experience are worth so much more. As in no one should be paid under minimum wage without holiday allowance etc.

She is being underpaid for her role which shows the family clearly don’t respect her as they should.

Original poster

Themanuscript · 06/03/2025 08:15

If you are only seen as worth minimum wage, and only for a couple hours a day, then no wonder there’s no respect from anyone in the family (parents included).

and with that I’m leaving the thread.

OP posts:

JournalistEmily · 06/03/2025 06:58

While this behaviour is disgusting and completely unacceptable I do think we’ve created it as a society by placing far far too much pressure on both parents to be away from the home. I don’t know a single person now who could afford to not have both mum and dad working. The result is basically parents who are almost completely absent all week and then feel bad about everything when they are there. This isn’t an excuse, but I can see why this dynamic then occurs. The amount of very young children who are in nursery from 8-6 five days a week is shocking. Then we’re surprised when they don’t turn out to be well behaved balanced kids

FishersGate · 06/03/2025 06:55

Only have to read some comments to understand the generation of children being bought up with no discipline boundaries or respect. No wonder teachers nurseries can't find staff not just for monetary reasons either

FishersGate · 06/03/2025 06:53

Lollipopsicle · 06/03/2025 05:58

@Proudestmumofone1

If you are only seen as worth minimum wage, and only for a couple hours a day, then no wonder there’s no respect from anyone in the family (parents included).

Really? Not worthy of respect if you only earn minimum wage? What a nasty person you are.

I was about to say the same thing

Lollipopsicle · 06/03/2025 05:58

@Proudestmumofone1

If you are only seen as worth minimum wage, and only for a couple hours a day, then no wonder there’s no respect from anyone in the family (parents included).

Really? Not worthy of respect if you only earn minimum wage? What a nasty person you are.

Lollipopsicle · 06/03/2025 05:52

TheThreeCheesesOfTheApocalypse44 · 04/03/2025 20:48

I was sat on the bus a few days ago, there was a kid sat on the backrest of his seat balancing on his hands with his backside in the air. The mother was completely oblivious/ uninterested. I told him to get down in the end as if the bus had jolted not only could he have badly hurt the people behind him he could have been thrown out the window of the top deck !

He looked me dead in the eye, smirked and shook his head. Kid was about 9 with the attitude of a cocky 30 Yr old. Just vile. And the mother still didn't interject. Far more interested in her phone rather than looking at the half dozen kids running amok........I of course did the adult thing and gave him the middle finger as I got off the bus spent the rest of the journey praying the driver would need to slam the brakes on !!

Rarely has my flabber been so gasted !!

I see it all the time: parents staring at their phones and ignoring their kids. God knows how much time is wasted on phones that could instead be used to parent children. So many children growing up undisciplined and feeling uncared for because their parents would rather spend time with their phones than their own kids. It’s heartbreaking.

Proudestmumofone1 · 05/03/2025 23:52

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Emanresu52 · 05/03/2025 21:56

I understand you have much experience in child care but seriously consider care in a nursing/care home setting. Or is maybe in a school or care home specifically for disabled or ill children. You will have colleagues to support you and the money will be the same if not better.

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 05/03/2025 21:23

Well you never mentioned it you just said they didn’t back you up which implied that you hadn’t agreed on how you were gonna work together if I got that wrong I apologise

Original poster

Themanuscript · 05/03/2025 21:11

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 05/03/2025 20:33

This thread is getting ridiculous. OP doesn’t seem to have discussed behaviour management/discipline with the parents.
You can’t control what children do. You can control your reaction to it.

Discuss behaviour with the parents? WOW. Why didn’t I think of that? …🙄

OP posts:

Bunnycat101 · 05/03/2025 20:57

That is poor behaviour and I wouldn’t be letting mine get away with that and if they were that rude to a nanny or other adult there would be repercussions. I agree that people often let their kids get away with really poor behaviour (as can be seen by the deterioration of behaviour in primary schools). I also think there can be lower expectations of boys than girls with the ‘boys can be boys’ type excuse.

That said, I suspect you’ll be seeing those children at their worst if you do after school hours. I agree with others that you might prefer younger kids during the day where you’ve got more of a chance to see them at their best but also shape their day a bit more. You could also be charging a lot more I think for after school care. It is such a premium and hard to find an adterschool nanny. I pay £34 for my two to go to wrap around at school. I think you are massively undercharging at £13 an hour.

Iwanttoliveonamountain · 05/03/2025 20:33

This thread is getting ridiculous. OP doesn’t seem to have discussed behaviour management/discipline with the parents.
You can’t control what children do. You can control your reaction to it.

dwg12 · 05/03/2025 20:30

Are we seriously saying that because OP doesn't want to go to work and be physically or verbally assaulted, she isn't cut out for the job?

This is why there is a lack of teachers and other child care workers - parents literally think we deserve to be hit and sworn at or shouted at because that's what we all signed up for.

Original poster

Themanuscript · 05/03/2025 20:06

‘Cut out’ wasn’t the right frame of words. I just think if you’re finding the behaviour too difficult and you don’t feel you can manage it - maybe it’s not for you.

You still haven’t achieved the right frame of words. Who wouldn’t find it difficult to be repeatedly disrespected and receive verbal abuse every day? No one should have to put up with daily physical violence at work whether it be from an adult or a child

OP posts:

Original poster

Themanuscript · 05/03/2025 19:55

Proudestmumofone1 · 04/03/2025 23:03

@Themanuscript oh and I’m also very confused about the notion you’re so badly paid.

Qualified nannies are gold dust and so hard to find. We pay in excess of £25 an hour plus holidays etc. 3 full days a week = £30k.

I can’t imagine that income is so awful compared to similar qualification-level jobs?

I’m paid £13 p/h. It’s after school hours.

OP posts:

Audiprettier · 05/03/2025 19:43

Themanuscript · 04/03/2025 19:15

I’ll preface this by saying there are some wonderful parents out there who parent beautifully with and without limited means and raise lovely, well mannered children and I’ve encountered many over my 13 years experience of nurseries/nannying and schools.

But after the past 5 years, I think I’m finally going to walk away from the childcare industry. I’ve just walked in to the house after being tearful the whole way home and broke down after another day of sheer abuse from the children I nanny. No matter how well I teach and model behaviour, parents are not backing it up. Modern work/life balance is so bad that parents are giving into their children out of guilt and creating children that are unpleasant to be around. There should be no such thing as an unpleasant child! I should not be being hit for not giving them more sweets after they’ve had treats all night because they’ve screamed at me for not originally giving in and their parents have come out of the home office and given in to keep them quiet, undermining me in the process. I should not be having water thrown at me for telling them not to hit eachother in the bath. I should not be looked in the eye while telling a child an instruction or not to hurt another child for them to smirk and not listen and just walk away. These are primary aged children and I’m being shouted at constantly because they aren’t being taught ‘no’ at all.

I’ve worked with disadvantaged children who have come from foster care, poverty and abusive households and none of those children ever treated me as bad as the middle class KS1/2 children in beautiful homes who never go without.

Today an 8 year old child was asked what they wanted for dinner, I made said dinner which they decided they didn’t want and because I would not make an entirely different meal they threw it on the floor and later jumped on me full body weight while we’re sat on the couch. Meanwhile I’ve come home to an empty fridge and bank account and they have no idea how fortunate they are.

this isn’t an isolated thing. Like I said previously, this is 80% of the children in past 5 years. I spend all week trying To instil good behaviour, they don’t see me for 2 days over the weekend and it’s back on to square one on Monday

AIBU to walk away from working with children at all? I expect age appropriate challenging behaviour but I am sick of being abused all evening long every single day.

You should DEFINITELY not have to tolerate this...Outrageous!

Unfortunately it's a sign of the times.
A huge sense of entitlement...and teachers are getting the brunt of all this too!
Just my opinion but I'd find another direction to focus on.
Something to give you a feeling of satisfaction not constant stress!!

Switcher · 05/03/2025 19:39

Newbutoldfather · 05/03/2025 12:29

I think private schools (as they are now) have a lot to answer for here, in conjunction with some appalling parenting.

I worked in two as a second career, teaching years 7-13 (mostly older years) and both schools really hated parental complaints, even totally unjustified ones. The corollary of this is that the children of known complainers got handled with kid gloves.

However, I don’t think the majority of children or parents are appalling, most of them were really nice (or I wouldn’t have stuck it out for a decade). But there is a meaningful minority of pupils and parents who thought their teachers were an extension of the domestic staff (not that that is an excuse, anyway). Demands were made for revision notes, detentions revoked, tests postponed because their daughter had been in the school play, term time holidays etc etc. And, if a parent complained, however trivially, there were always endless meetings, extra lesson observations and sometimes having to apologise for having just told a pupil off perfectly reasonably.
And SLT generally acquiesced to the parents, because they needed the fees to keep rolling in.

I was privately educated many years ago and I can assure you that we had to respect the teachers. If I had told a teacher to print extra revision notes because ‘I am paying you’, I think I would have been cleaning the lab sinks for a week. But these days that kind of behaviour has become normalised.

I was quite a stroppy old teacher and didn’t take too much crap, mainly because, ultimately, I wasn’t doing it for the money. And I think I was actually respected for it. But virtually every parents’ evening one or two of the younger teachers were left in tears by parents haranguing them.

I do recognise what OP is saying here.

My goodness. At my boarding school any sort of dissent would have you denied town leave for the week. And I would more be praying they didn't tell my parents!!