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Original poster

Best option for monitoring daughter's movements while I'm at work?

40 replies

feedmefudge · 04/03/2025 19:12

I am having a hard time of it with my 15 year old daughter. Today she thought it would be a good idea to sack off school and have her boyfriend over. She then lies when I ask her about it. It is not the first time this has happened. The problem is that I work full-time (single parent) and cannot fully keep on top of what goes on when I'm not here.
Obviously there will be consequences for today. However it's really difficult second guessing her movements and I need proof. So I'm thinking of getting a doorbell camera. But I don't know if this is what I need. Would an outdoor security camera be better? I really need something that links up to my phone, so that I can check she has left on time for school, isn't coming home early, etc.
I'm not great with tech so would really appreciate your advice. And it would be great if we could stick to the question. The school story is a long one, so I'd rather focus on the camera thing. And obviously the ideal would be that I wouldn't need to do this at all! But for now anyway, the trust has gone, and I'm doing my best to try and manage the situation.
Thank you.

OP posts:
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Original poster
feedmefudge · 04/03/2025 20:45

All

OP posts:
Original poster
feedmefudge · 04/03/2025 20:42

Please let me make something clear. I am not saying that her boyfriend can't come over. I have always been warm and welcoming towards him. I don't want them hanging around outside in Scottish wintry weather (yes, even in March!). He can come over on the weekends and some evenings. A I'm asking is that he doesn't come over during school hours.

OP posts:
IcecreamWhatSandwich · 04/03/2025 20:38

A ring doorbell is a really bad idea, you will just enforce her and her boyf doing whatever they are doing in your house, somewhere else like a park or the house/car of someone you don't know.

BlondiePortz · 04/03/2025 20:37

MyrtleLion · 04/03/2025 19:35

I hardly think monitoring her remotely will restore trust. It will just create resentment. You could try talking kindly to her and ask her what's going on in her life. Find the root of the problem, not add to it.

This exactly

Original poster
feedmefudge · 04/03/2025 20:33

InigoJollifant · 04/03/2025 20:29

I know where you’re coming from… I considered a ring doorbell but realised DD could climb out a window anyway. Our problem was sneaking out at night, but presumably school report her truancy to you?

Impossible as we're in a flat Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
feedmefudge · 04/03/2025 20:33

itsgettingweird · 04/03/2025 20:27

If you get a ring and knows you can see her coming home and her BG coming over - is she likely to put herself in even more danger to avoid getting caught?

I'm not sure being tracked is a deterrent. She needs to stop because it's wrong. Which she knows.

So either a ring won't prevent her or it'll. abuse her to go elsewhere and possibly be in more danger.

She'll be ok. She's not a bad kid and isn't into drinking, smoking, drugs (God forbid). No risky behaviours as such. She's a school refuser (partly, not completely).

OP posts:
InigoJollifant · 04/03/2025 20:29

I know where you’re coming from… I considered a ring doorbell but realised DD could climb out a window anyway. Our problem was sneaking out at night, but presumably school report her truancy to you?

itsgettingweird · 04/03/2025 20:27

If you get a ring and knows you can see her coming home and her BG coming over - is she likely to put herself in even more danger to avoid getting caught?

I'm not sure being tracked is a deterrent. She needs to stop because it's wrong. Which she knows.

So either a ring won't prevent her or it'll. abuse her to go elsewhere and possibly be in more danger.

Original poster
feedmefudge · 04/03/2025 20:25

TickingAlongNicely · 04/03/2025 20:22

The problem with these systems is you can disable them by just switching off the WiFi... would you get an alert if the WiFi went down fir a few minutes?

Hmm, a good question.

OP posts:
HappyHappyy · 04/03/2025 20:25

Ring doorbell will be perfect & easy to set up

TickingAlongNicely · 04/03/2025 20:22

The problem with these systems is you can disable them by just switching off the WiFi... would you get an alert if the WiFi went down fir a few minutes?

Original poster
feedmefudge · 04/03/2025 20:21

Endofyear · 04/03/2025 20:10

First of all, you sound like a great mum who is concerned about her daughter. Take no notice of any stupid replies on here. I think a ring doorbell is a good idea - if you can get a handyman/electrician to install it, he can talk you through all the features and how to use them.

Have a chat with your daughter and lay it on the line - you are working to keep a roof over your heads and food on the table. School is a non-negotiable. If she doesn't attend, you could be fined or even prosecuted, she needs to understand the consequences. If she doesn't get at least 5 GCSEs her opportunities in life will be much narrower. If she thinks trying to study and pass exams now is a pain in the arse, she needs to know that it will be MUCH harder further down the line.

I hope you have some real life support - parenting teenagers is hard! 💐

Appreciate that more than you know x

OP posts:
Original poster
feedmefudge · 04/03/2025 20:20

RedHelenB · 04/03/2025 20:04

What is she like at school? Does she have ambition?

Lots of anxiety, doesn't feel safe, lack of confidence in her ability, suspected ADHD.
It's so hard. And I liaise with the school so much that it's a wonder I'm not invited to the staff socials!
She has already changed school, in case anyone suggested that.
It'll be a case of getting through the next few months and then work or college.

OP posts:
MoosakaWithFries · 04/03/2025 20:18

Take her phone off her until Saturday am.

When you give it back make sure she has Life 360 on. You're paying so you call the shots.

As others have said, get a Ring doorbell.

Endofyear · 04/03/2025 20:10

First of all, you sound like a great mum who is concerned about her daughter. Take no notice of any stupid replies on here. I think a ring doorbell is a good idea - if you can get a handyman/electrician to install it, he can talk you through all the features and how to use them.

Have a chat with your daughter and lay it on the line - you are working to keep a roof over your heads and food on the table. School is a non-negotiable. If she doesn't attend, you could be fined or even prosecuted, she needs to understand the consequences. If she doesn't get at least 5 GCSEs her opportunities in life will be much narrower. If she thinks trying to study and pass exams now is a pain in the arse, she needs to know that it will be MUCH harder further down the line.

I hope you have some real life support - parenting teenagers is hard! 💐

MyrtleLion · 04/03/2025 20:06

feedmefudge · 04/03/2025 19:36

Oh for goodness sake, do you not think I've tried everything under the sun?

Show quote history

Then aren't you lucky that modern surveillance exists!

Say you find she's off school and with her boyfriend, which you managed to find out anyway? What do you do? And will what you do make her feel that you care about her or just want to control her?

Maybe she'll go off the rails some more.
Maybe she'll stop coming home.
Maybe she'll go to his place.
Maybe she'll become even more secretive.

You are building a massive problem for yourself. If you don't trust her how can she come to you and ask for help if something goes wrong?

It's like micro managing in the workplace. It creates resentment and people leave.

But hey feel free to alienate your daughter forever.

elozabet · 04/03/2025 20:05

I used life 360 with my troublesome daughter in the mid teens. If she turned it off, the phone was removed (we only had to do this once). It worked well.
Now she's 20 and not so troublesome, she uses it to track us. She likes a lift home and checks where we are !
We did plan to stop using it but she likes it.

RedHelenB · 04/03/2025 20:04

What is she like at school? Does she have ambition?

Bearbookagainandagain · 04/03/2025 20:00

AelinAG · 04/03/2025 19:47

Ring doorbells are easy enough to use, although you’ll need to pay the yearly subscription as well. Have a look at Eufy - similar but no subscription. I’ll be moving over to them when my ring doorbell dies.

You don't need a subscription if you don't want to keep the recording.

We don't pay anything and have access to live view and alerts. We just can record.

Original poster
feedmefudge · 04/03/2025 19:59

Thank you all. I appreciate your replies.

OP posts:
Bearbookagainandagain · 04/03/2025 19:59

Ring security cameras are good. We don't have the doorbell one, but use their standard outdoor cameras as baby monitors. They can be set up to send alerts when they detect movement.
We put them on the window seal when we go on holiday so they monitor access to the front door/driveway too.

I guess it depends what you need, if you have any use for the "doorbell" feature then go for that. If not, then a standard security camera gives your more options IMO (inside, outside, sticked on the wall or stood on a shelf...).

Zanatdy · 04/03/2025 19:48

Yeah a ring will be the best way to monitor who goes in and out.

AelinAG · 04/03/2025 19:47

Ring doorbells are easy enough to use, although you’ll need to pay the yearly subscription as well. Have a look at Eufy - similar but no subscription. I’ll be moving over to them when my ring doorbell dies.

Teenybub · 04/03/2025 19:44

I have a battery powered ring doorbell, need to charge it maybe monthly but otherwise it’s perfect. Linked to the wifi and nudges me when people are in the garden. Needed to drill 3 holes into the brick outside for the case and then it just screws in, wouldn’t exactly say I’m a pro with a drill but it took me 15 minutes.

Everything0Everywhere · 04/03/2025 19:42

I dont think removing her key/changing locks is a good idea...!
Ring Doorbell sounds good or Echo Show to view inside the house.