My beloved pet is becoming a problem

I don't think either option is unreasonable. There are still things you can try, and the dynamic might change with time, but if you reach a point where either the baby is at risk of being hurt or the cat is profoundly miserable, then it's not unreasonable to consider rehoming.

Have you tried Feliway? We used this at times of stress and it seemed to help. It's just 'happy cat' pheromones, to make cats feel safer, and you can get it as a plug-in or a spray.

You could try involving your child in doing nice things for the cat, and ensuring the cat has lots of space. Some cats don't like babies. It's understandable; from a cat's perspective they're strangely sized peopley things that scream and move unpredictably, can be clumsy in handling them, and make strange smells. But, if you give them some time, they may like the toddler that baby grows into. One of my cats was very suspicious of DC for a good few months (no aggression, just didn't want to be around them in that 'wriggling and flailing' stage) - but once weaning onto solids started and food started getting lobbed around, suddenly they were best friends!

This is a brilliant suggestion

Have you tried some felliway the plug in stuff that's meant to calm cats?

When I had my dd we moved in with my mum and her grumpy cat for a bit. I didn't worry too much, I didn't leave them together on their own and once she was old enough told her to leave him alone.

She got a few scratches but this was useful in reinforcing you don't mess with the cat!

I personally would let the cat outside if she's been neutered?

I agree with this, I think you can get some cute perches that attach onto walls (like you see in cat cafes). If you can't do that, maybe a cat tree. Anywhere the toddler can't reach and the cat feels safe.

I put baby gates on my doors high enough so that the cats could get under but my daughter couldn't (when she was younger), so they could run into the kitchen away from her.

Cats need to be safe from mauling toddlers - some height {cat shelves} will enable her to get well away from the toddler.

She has probably remembered the times when he wasn’t perhaps so gentle and is now very wary of him. 18 months seems a little young to even understand what gentle really means and to always remember to moderate behaviour.

I think you need to keep them apart as much as you can until your son is bigger. Their relationship will evolve.

It's true that cat bites and scratches can become infected. She's never bitten the OP though and she won't unless she becomes very distressed (or the groomer visits).

Perhaps the dc could be rehomed, then? Seems sensible. 🙄

OP, the urge to protect DC is understandably very strong. Add some anxiety into the mix and I think it's sadly all too common to become a little over fixated on danger. I say this without judgement. I used to worry terribly about older DC deliberately smothering younger DC, or a car mounting the pavement when I was out with the pram.

Take a deep breath. This will be ok. DCat is being a normal cat.

I think because you had her first you have possibly "babied" her a little- i know for a fact that I did with all my pets before I had my babies! The difference for me was that I had my children before I got cats so was used to shutting the cats away straight from the word go. I did feel guilty about that but they usually have free roam of the house in the daytime and honestly in the lifespan of your cat, your child is only young for such a short part of it!
You do have to be really really careful she doesn't scratch though, never let your child put his face close to her x

Have you taken her to the vet to check she isn't in pain from something?

Yes..this 👆

When mine were little, they kept trying to touch the cat. Unfortunately they have to learn fine motor skills, their touching is actually grabbing the fur. My cat would scratch to get away. I told the kids, no touching the cat until they were old enough to stroke it properly. Keep telling your little one, "no" when they're grabbing the cat. They will stop doing it. Cats are fine when left alone.

We had to re-home our cat when my son was 2. Once he was up and about our cat would actually seek him out to attack him. He'd run into the room, smack him and run out. We sought vet advice and tried to address any anxiety he could have been facing as best we could. With everyone else he was the soppiest thing going. It was only around my son.

One day my son was on my lap, he was really upset and our cat came out of nowhere and smacked him across the face. My son had 3 fairly deep scratches across his face and was obviously distraught. It was at that point the were no other decision but to re-home him.

He now lives as the only cat, with an elderly woman who sends us letters and pictures in the post. Having spoken to the daughter, they're both what the other needed it would seem. So I'm in a fortunate position whereby I know I did the right thing

Get rid of the cat!
It is impossible to be keeping watch absolutely 100% of the time and imagine how you would feel if the cat did lasting damage to your son! Honestly full permission to rehome the cat.

Rehoming pets when you have children is one of the most awful things a human being can do.

Oh crikey OP, even the most biddable cats can become terrorists when it comes to grooming, giving tablets or loading into a cat carrier.

I assure you I am a very cautious person with DC's safety but I also have a lot of experience with cats (with the caveat that there are always exceptions, but your posts don't mention anything that isn't very normal).

Cat groomers usually wear leather gauntlets for a reason! They have to break all the rules of cat handling in order to get the job done.

The only cat related injuries I've had have been when giving tablets or loading into a carrier. Over and over again the gentlest, meekest cats develop superior strength and ferocity to resist because as a species they cope very badly with being forced to do things and feel compelled to fight for dear life.

I appreciate the temptation to compare with dogs but I think it's not particularly helpful in many ways. If the dogs that I care for resisted meds and loading into the car or a crate like the average cat I'd be in serious danger!

This is completely normal.

If she's batting without claws she wants him to move away.

He's way way too young to be anywhere near the cat.

Give her some space he can't get to.

Cats generally don't like toddlers as they are noisy chaotic and move unexpectedly. Just keep them apart.

I think you are over reacting. Just make sure the cat has space to get away from the toddler. I have had cats my whole life and was always covered in scratches from kittens or grumpy cats.

We had to re-home a beloved cat after we had kids. I still feel sad about it now, but this cat was incredibly highly strung and needed to have safe space which we just couldn't provide after we'd had kids as although there was always somewhere for them to go they couldn't be sure of having the space all to themselves all the time. Before kids they had the full run of two rooms that were essentially unused. I left it too long to do as I felt so bad, but found a specific rehoming place that understood their needs. We kept them until they found a foster place that was suitable and the pictures we got of them settled were incredible to see our cat looking stress free and happy again made me realise we'd held on too long.

I would say though to make either a large or regular donations for food so that you're keeping up with your side of responsibility while finding them a more suitable home

Get about 3 Feliway plug ins and put them in different rooms in the house.

It’s so common for cats to absolutely hate babies and toddlers - so many cats end up in rescues because of this - my own cat was adopted from a rescue in this exact situation.

I understand your concerns about her being stolen and I think there is a divide in the cat community about indoor / outside cats but I think given she’s stressed I’d get a cat flap fitted and a tracker quick release collar for her and let her go out. It will provide more mental stimulation for her and let her escape the noise. You may find she doesn’t go far anyway, not many cats just wander as long as she’s been neutered (?). My own cat just mainly sits in the flower bed!