My beloved pet is becoming a problem

I'm a mum of the 2010s and that's what I told my son too. He learned after a few scratches. No harm done 🤷‍♀️

Someone has already suggested it, but my toddler helps me feed our cat. DD is at peak annoying age and the cat is very tolerant of her but I know she gets on her tits, I think the feeding does help sweeten the deal.

If separating them in the house doesn't work, in your shoes I would rethink letting her outside into the garden to have some space when the little one is annoying her. Have you also tried Feliway plug-ins to see if that calms her down at all? And lots of high up places to hide?

I hope it gets better for you- I feel your pain. When I had DD we had 2 cats and sadly they fought each other constantly and terribly as soon as the baby arrived. We tried all the tricks we could for a year and nothing helped. I was absolute distraught to rehome one of them, felt like I'd never forgive myself. Actually it ended up being the best thing all round- although I miss her terribly, she is very happy in her new home (lots of lovely updates from new family) and my older cat is mostly happy too- annoyance at toddler aside!

I spoke to her new family initially through pets4homes, we exchanged a lot of messages and phonecalls and then met for dinner before we committed to the rehoming. We have the proviso that if anything ever happens to their circumstances and they can't look after her, we will have her back in a heartbeat. It was truly heartbreaking and I hope it doesn't come to that for you x

This ! Cats scratch, that is what many/most of them do. We were told to give a grumpy cat a wide berth, watch for body language like tail lashing, and when my Granny’s lovely cat scratched me (I was dressing him in a baby hat …) I was rightly the one told off, not the long suffering cat. I have had very affectionate cats but all of them have scratched sometimes. It’s just normal behaviour.

Take her for a health check at the vets, and you could make a cat wall in a room. So she can go to her cat resting area without him bothering her.

I was just looking for a good cat meme!

This is MN and everyone is animal mad, but in the real world most people would just re-home the cat. It clearly wants peace and quiet, it should go to an elderly person and not be with a young family.

It's lucky you told her "it's a cat"....she might have thought it was a dog.

Could you try some calming cat food if she’s finding the environment stressful x

It sounds like the best solution is to get him to not touch her at all, the cat clearly hates it no matter how gentle he is...and you don't know what's happening when you're not able to supervise.

Food bribes are a good idea … they work better with dog, but worth a try. I do wonder if cat is defending her territory … like the sofa is hers and yours but this newcomer - no.
Does she have a high up place that’s hers? So she can watch and feel like she has her territory, and isn’t threatened?

Cats hate anything being waved in front of their face. Even mine bats me, and sometimes scratches, if I accidentally move my hand in front of her face. It could be your toddler is inadvertently waving his hands around. I’d keep them apart as much as possible but I wouldn’t rehome the cat.

If none of the above works, don’t feel guilty about re homing. Of course your child comes first. The British can be so over the top about pets, can’t believe people have given you hate over this. Saying that as a Brit. I re homed a kitten I just didn’t bond with and had 2 miscarriages after I adopted it and obsessed about toxoplasmosis.

Really? What about murder or abuse? Would it matter if the child was in danger of real harm, perhaps if the pet was a large dog?

I'm sorry this is stressful for you.

We had a cat when I was little who was a grumpy nightmare. She was fine with my older siblings but hated me. She would hiss and scratch me at every opportunity and I tried to stay out of her way! I remember being stuck in the hallway once as I was too scared to walk past her as I knew she'd scratch me on the way.

Anyway, it actually wasn't that big a deal, I was a bit scared of cats for a while but we got some kittens after she passed away and I've been the biggest cat person ever since.

I wouldn't worry too much, you can treat a cat scratch and they can work around each other hopefully.

Very kind and sensible advice. 👏

@99problems99 Height makes cats feel safe.
They love being up high- install a couple of cat shelves for her covered in carpet , or make her a bed on top of a book case so she can escape the toddler.

Agree with others, cats are wary of toddlers who can be ''grabby'' and rough without meaning to be- Keep them separated.

An old cat one of Mum's friends had clawed me painfully on the head when I was a child- I still remember the pain ! They lived in Chelsea, where he was more or less an indoor cat, as they didn't have a garden flat, but an upper floor one.
He was rescued from a family with lots of children, and he hated little kids.

He lived to about 18/19 ''Possum'' was his name- he never 'hurt' me once I was an older child.

I’d say just keep them apart and time solves the problem! I met DH when my DSD was 2 and my cat hated her, hid whenever she came over etc. She was just too unpredictable in the previously quiet environment! We kept them apart unless we were there to show her how to be gentle and stroke cat properly etc. She’s 9 now and the cat adores her and sleeps on her bed with her.

Feliway OPTIMUM is a good bet. BSH can be quite antisocial and nervy cats anyway. I do think it is over the top rehoming over a scratch. Use it is an opportunity to teach your child about respect for animals and giving them space.

We had a cat that used to whack anyone and anything that walked past her within range. Total grump. We all just learned to avoid her, adults, children, dogs..... my now adult DC still remember her with great affection and amusement. She could be a total sweetheart - but on her terms.

Just keep your dc safe until they are old enough to keep out of the cat's way themselves.

Simple question. Who's the most important here - your son, or your cat? So there's your answer.

Rehome the scratchy, antagonistic cat into a home where it'll be more happy and your children can do what kids do without being on edge all the time about what the cat will do.

I woyld look at giving her lots of options to avoid him. Catify with lots of high shelves, walkways etc. Use baby gates with cat flaps so that she can get away from your little one. And don't let your DS touch her at all so she doesn't feel threatened.

It seems as animal life becomes more valuable, human life becomes even less valuable than it should be. @99problems99 do whatever works for you and of course review the situation to ensure your child is not at risk whatever you decide. In my opinion, a child and an animal are in no way comparable and I'm always astounded when people seem to think they are.

Another sign that things are not right with the world

I might get flamed for this - but I think you need to rehome the cat. It’s an animal; your children come first always.

@Scirocco Feliway is a great idea!

Your cat feels threatened by your toddler because they are unpredictable, uncoordinated and noisy. Things should improve as the children get older and have more understanding of the cat.

We have two cats and the younger one would occasionally lash out at DD when she was little, literally walk past her and swipe. DD adored the cat and never gave up the hope that one day they would be buddies. Best buds now with the cat cuddling up to her on the bed every night.

Now have the problem of the older cat launching unprovoked attacks on the (very mild mannered) dog.