My beloved pet is becoming a problem

Let her outside if u can. It’s not fair for an animal to have to share their territory with a small child and not be able to escape sometimes ! Is there an enclosed area outside you could make safe, especially in the summer, if you are worried about her escaping? I disagree with house cats anyway though. They should have a garden

She’s always been a little anti social and doesn’t like ‘new people’ until she has investigated them fully. Some she decides she doesn’t like at all and can be quite snappy and scratchy.

Don't blame you for seeing the best in her – we all do with our own pets. But that's not a pleasant cat.

Well, @99problems99 , there's much sensible advice been given here around handling the problem and refocusing your cat's attention away from your toddler and seeing him as a good thing. I understand why some people are saying rehome her, but I'd hold off for a bit until you try a few possible solutions. You're obviously on top of your DC's safety, so I think you have time to work on your cat.

Are you aware of the cat whisperer Jackson Galaxy? Check out his youtube channel, he has helped many problem cats and their human families: https://www.youtube.com/@JacksonGalaxy/videos

Best of luck, I hope it works out for all of you.

As a total cat person I urge you to consider rehoming her. My mother took my much loved cat when Puss randomly attacked my then 9 month old daughter.
Puss was fine with the older children and the baby, until she started to crawl. Puss used to sit beside baby when she was lying on the floor get changed and even bathed.
In middle of the night I was up with baby and changed her. Left her on floor in sitting room. Puss came with me into the kitchen. Baby showed me that she had learnt crawl by following me! She was crawling up the hall focusing on me , so happy that she could crawl when Puss went berserk! She howled and hissed and ran at baby jumping up with claws out straight for baby's head and face. I just managed to grab and save baby. Puss obviously saw 'crawling baby' as a different creature from kicking legs on floor baby! Puss would have done real damage. Rehomed very happily to live a long life with grandma! I still got to see her when we visited.

@99problems99 We have a very similar issue, we also have a house cat, bought the year before our first baby, who’s now 3, and now have another who’s one.

He is ok with the 1 year old, she’s much calmer and quieter than our eldest. But because he’s taken little swipes, and hides and runs at our eldest if she’s running about, our 3yr old is petrified of him! Won’t walk out of a room alone if she can’t see where he is.

We’ve asked the vet for help, and were told it’s normal hunting behaviour and to try spraying him with water so he associates behaving that way with a negative consequence. Have you tried anything like that?

otherwise he’s a lovely nature, very sociable and gentle, but the fact our DD is so scared in her own home has made us consider rehoming, although the thought of him in a shelter is awful too so that’s put us off-I don’t think he’d cope although he’d be snapped up right away! We think we’ve found a solution in that my husbands friend is looking for a cat, doesn’t plan on having children, and is going to trial him at his house for a few days. It breaks my heart, but like you, we know we have to prioritise our babies. Is there anyone you know that could maybe rehome where you could visit??

It’s a really difficult situation, I totally get it 💔

Does your pet insurance policy cover behavioural therapy, op? I know that some do, though would think you pay more for that kind of cover. Contrary to popular belief, cats can be trained to an extent. Pheromone medication can sometimes help aggressive behaviour, too.

I also saw a pp mentioned that her being an indoor cat might be contributing to her frustration. I agree with that, because most cats can escape outside pretty easily, and feeling more in control, when their environment gets too busy or noisy for them.

If you've tried the above, then I don't think yabu to rehome her. I'm normally one to say that if you get a pet, you are responsible for keeping it as it's part of the family. But it sounds like it would be pretty miserable for the cat to constantly be removed from rooms occupied by your toddler, and your ds will be pretty fed up with getting scratched too. He may 'react' out of toddler impulse at a time when your attention is focused elsewhere (not saying you're negligent, but with two young dc it's entirely plausible that at times you could be distracted and not able to always 'police' the situation).

As above.

plus A big cat tree where she can go and not be bothered. Maybe even turning towards the wall so she really has a safe space.

also try Feliway

If I was in this situation, I would get the best treats and treat the cat when in situations near the child and not being grumpy or as others have said get the child to be the one who feeds the cat so the child is seen as a positive addition.

I honestly believe the situation will improve as the child ages. If the above didn’t work and some of the other suggestions made didn’t work. I would be consulting with an animal behaviourist your vet might be able to recommend one. There might be simple changes that can be made that would change the situation and it’s clear you love your cat.

Are you suggesting she rehome the child and keep the cat?

I hope there is a way to overcome the obvious concern but putting the small child’s safety before that of a cat is not out of order. Re-homing is an option that is acceptable.

Training a cat? Cats train us 😂 Thankfully, I’ve had Siamese for decades and they tend to love all of their humans (strangers - not so much).

I’m very good at training dogs, but cats make their own decisions in my experience.

I foster cats for a charity, have done so for years. When needing to introduce people to cats and kittens or cats to other cats, we do a scent transfer first. Get a clean cloth, old tea towel for example, and gently rub the cat with it, especially the sides of her face where the scent glands are if possible. Then take that cloth and rub it on your baby's arms and legs - not hands in case he's putting them in his mouth.

Before anyone screams - as the cat lives in the house and has free range, her scent and fur will be everywhere anyway, this is just a stronger connection. When the cat comes over to the baby, the baby will smell like her, and will help her accept him. Do that along with giving her a high place where the baby doesn't go, carry on stopping the baby touching the cat, and before too long, the cat should be more tolerant of him. It works a treat on reintroducing mum with a kitten who's been to the vet, for example, and helps a new cat settle in if a scent cloth has been placed in their new home before they're let out of their carry case, or doing a scent exchange before introducing a new cat to an existing family cat.

Feliway plug-ins as already suggested by pp could also help, as will creating safe spaces where baby doesn't go..

Sorry, it sounds like a horrible cat in general.

I think you just need to spend some time in training your cat.

alpha behaviour

No-one is going to react favourably to a post which begins “ Can you not grasp…”.
Goady and rude. And the post I was reacting to was a bald “ It is the child that is the problem.”

Stop forcing the issue, make cosy dens for her high and away from your children, so she can get away if she wants, don't force them to like each other. There will come a time when she will tolerate him better when he's older. Meantime make time for her too. She prob isn't keen on the noises and smells after having quiet space. And don't leave them alone together. It's unfair on both of them. It's also out of order suggesting rehoming her.

@99problems99 don’t give up on your lovely cat. Things will improve. Keep showing your son that he needs to be gentle. Give her a space (if you can) that she can retreat to in the same room so she’s still with you but out of your child’s reach.

My beautiful cat boy would sometimes attack my eldest DSs feet. He eventually grew out of it. However, if you stroked him in the wrong way he got grumpy, a friend of DSs who was repeatedly warned to leave him alone didn’t and got bitten. Thankfully his mother witnessed it all. But I would never have rehomed him, he was with us for 16 years.

I have a 16month old daughter and 3 ragdolls, one of which is quite territorial. Luckily she is fairly gentle (the territorial one)and my girl finds it absolutely hilarious when she whacks her with her paw. Still trying to teach my girl to be gentle, she seems to understand when she’s not tired. Just keep an eye on them, I shut my cats out the room when my girl is tired and likely to be more rough with them, I know in a year or so she will fully understand and be big enough to not be so worried, I don’t think it’ll be long for you until you’ll be worried less. I definitely wouldn’t consider rehoming as it is manageable and will likely get easier soon enough x

Can you not grasp that when addressing animal behaviour issues, we're not casting judgement, just working out what is going on. We have to do that from the animals perspective!

The cats behaviour is a result of the childs behaviour. The child is the problem because the child is the catalyst for that unwanted behaviour.

Thats not a judgement on the child, thats just the nuts and bolts of the issue. The solution is to manage both such that the child cannot cause the cat to feel threatened and alter the access the cat has, where the cat sleeps, add in diffusers/sprays etc to change how the cat feels, so that eventually the cat does not feel threatened by the child.