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AIBU?

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Original poster

My beloved pet is becoming a problem

285 replies

99problems99 · 04/03/2025 17:34

Firstly I’m fully aware of the fact ‘a pet is for life’. So please be kind i am desperate for some
constructive advice.

4 years (almost 5), I purchased a pedigree British long hair cat. She is the most beautiful girl, she was welcomed into the home and we love her. She was from a reputable registered breeder and cost me £950. Money wasn’t the issue I just dreamed of her for so long.

From the start she was always very particular with food.. no problem.. I just chopped and changed when she lost interest. She’s had the best of the best since the day she arrived. She’s groomed every day, she has lots of toys, up to date with vaccinations and is solely indoor. She has treats and cuddles (when she allows). She’s always been a little anti social and doesn’t like ‘new people’ until she has investigated them fully. Some she decides she doesn’t like at all and can be quite snappy and scratchy.

When she arrived my now 9DS was 4. They were fine together.. I’ve since had another boy who is 18m. She is awful to him. I’ve taught gim
to be gentle, he’s noisy of course but she used to just leave the room. Now it’s like she’s antagonistic towards him. I watch his every move but she has snarled at him and has scratched lightly twice. I’m on edge all of the time.

I teapot of course love her, but the safety of my son is paramount, I can’t settle knowing she may just get so fed up of him and hurt him. I suppose as he gets older this might settle but I don’t know what to do.

any advice is welcomed and please be kind this is breaking my heart I wouldn’t even know where to start if I ever considered rehoming her. I have posted in some local groups I am in for her breed and people have been so horrible.. as if i am saying she’s disposable now I have another child.. it’s not the case but I have to be realistic.

YABU- thinking of rehoming
YANBU- completely understandable to re home.

thanks for reading.

OP posts:
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6
FeatherFace · 04/03/2025 17:57

It's a cat. They sometimes scratch and bite. I doubt she will savage him. And he will learn to avoid her!

Sounds like you want 'permission' to rehome her to me and that's fine but at least own that

Original poster
99problems99 · 04/03/2025 17:56

bluegreen89 · 04/03/2025 17:55

cats don't like change and are very sensitive to environmental changes. things will improve, just need to supervise. don't shout or scold the cat, that will freak them out more.

Thank you. I’ll take this on board because sometimes I do raise my voice which probably doesn’t help. As she’s a cat, not a child lol

OP posts:
bluegreen89 · 04/03/2025 17:56

to add... my DSC (much older than your DC) have only recently started interacting with the cats - you can't let an 18 month old stroke the cat even if it's lightly

cramptramp · 04/03/2025 17:55

I had a cat like that when my children were young. They soon realised they had to give her a wide berth. Our cat was notoriously bad tempered, and it wasn't just children she would have a swipe at for no apparent reason. It wasn't a big deal.

Original poster
99problems99 · 04/03/2025 17:55

hereismydog · 04/03/2025 17:52

Has she got safe spaces in the house that your toddler can’t access? Do you play with her and groom her as much as you did before DS came along?

Batting without claws isn’t a ‘problem’, really, if she wanted to use her claws then she absolutely would.

ETA has she been to a vet recently? Grumbles/batting if she is worried he might touch her could mean that something hurts!

Edited

Yes she has run of the house and my little one doesn’t go upstairs yet apart from bed time. She sleeps in the day but sometimes
at bath time when she ventures out he’s full of beans and I think she finds it invasive. Yes I groom her the same, she doesn’t like it but never has. She goes to a groomer for her hair tidied up and she nearly takes the groomers eye out too. She’s a sassy little thing at times

OP posts:
bluegreen89 · 04/03/2025 17:55

cats don't like change and are very sensitive to environmental changes. things will improve, just need to supervise. don't shout or scold the cat, that will freak them out more.

TheChosenTwo · 04/03/2025 17:54

Commonsense22 · 04/03/2025 17:52

Some don't and become actively aggressive with new children. Not sure why everyone is denying this scenario exists..

Show quote history

Sorry, I wasn’t denying the scenario exists at all! Just remembered that for them it took time for the cats to accept the fact that their dynamics had changed and their lovely peaceful house would never be quite the same ever again 😂

Original poster
99problems99 · 04/03/2025 17:53

Coffeeishot · 04/03/2025 17:45

If there is no claws she just doesn't like him just chase her away from him or put her out of the room every time, you don't have to make a big deal if it.

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Thank you. I just wanted some opinions to help me, so I appreciate the help, although I didn’t mean to come across as making a big deal just needed some advice.

OP posts:
hereismydog · 04/03/2025 17:52

Has she got safe spaces in the house that your toddler can’t access? Do you play with her and groom her as much as you did before DS came along?

Batting without claws isn’t a ‘problem’, really, if she wanted to use her claws then she absolutely would.

ETA has she been to a vet recently? Grumbles/batting if she is worried he might touch her could mean that something hurts!

Jade520 · 04/03/2025 17:52

Don't show or tell him how to touch her, he's too young to be interacting with her, barely more than a baby. At that age he's going to be too noisy, clumsy and unpredictable for her to appreciate. I agree with giving her somewhere up high to go to get away from him. You need to watch them closely and remove her from the room if needed. Don't try and encourage him to be interacting with her though, even gently, he's too young.

Wishitwasstraightforward · 04/03/2025 17:52

It's highly likely that she is concerned that she's going to be touched and isn't comfortable with it. She's showing her concern via grumbles and batting. If her concerns are ignored it's possible that she might decide that needs to act more forcefully.

Unprovoked attacks from cats are unusual especially in cats without a history of this type of thing. When I say unprovoked that doesn't include attacks where a cat is reacting to being touched, or cornered- that's a provoked attack.

My suggestion would be that you don't allow either DC to touch, disturb or follow the cat. Make sure she's able to escape from a room that they are in, and has some out of the way places to hide.

Interactions should be on the cats terms.

Once she feels safe and sufficiently confident that no one is going to touch her unless she initiates it she will calm down and over time is likely to become more friendly.

Commonsense22 · 04/03/2025 17:52

TheChosenTwo · 04/03/2025 17:50

When my brother and sil had their first dc their 2 cats hated them and became mostly outdoor cats. As the dc grew up they came in more and relaxed around them.
If your cat is pissed off with your child why are you having to get up and move it, I don’t get why it doesn’t just walk off itself.
Don’t know, this is reading like a bit of an overdramatic post, cat hates small unpredictable noisy child - cat can just leave the room!

Some don't and become actively aggressive with new children. Not sure why everyone is denying this scenario exists..

Coffeeishot · 04/03/2025 17:52

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 04/03/2025 17:50

I would - just treat the cat as another thing in the house that he can't be around unsupervised for now 😊

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I think this Is what I was trying to say.

Original poster
99problems99 · 04/03/2025 17:51

Millymoonshine · 04/03/2025 17:51

Can your toddler put the cat’s food bowl down for him?
Throw cat treats towards the cat.

The cat needs to think the toddler is a good addition to the family.

Also very helpful advice. I haven’t tried this but I will! Thank you so much x

OP posts:
Millymoonshine · 04/03/2025 17:51

Can your toddler put the cat’s food bowl down for him?
Throw cat treats towards the cat.

The cat needs to think the toddler is a good addition to the family.

Original poster
99problems99 · 04/03/2025 17:51

strangecarinroad · 04/03/2025 17:48

Is there a reason why your cat can't actually go outside? ie busy road.
The cat will probably be happier isf she could go outside and escape the noise of children for a bit.
If my cats have ever misbehaved I just put them in the garden to wear off some energy and then they come back in much calmer.
( I also have pedigree cats )

I just haven’t ever let her out as she’s stunning and I honestly think she would be stolen. The breeder I got her from kept all her cats of this breed indoors and she said they were all very happy. She goes in the garden on the summer with us, but she doesn’t attempt to go any further than the garden. She’s got very very long hair too, I know there’s mixed opinions on indoor cats, but she’s always been quite happy (albeit slightly grumpy at times but aren’t we all) until my youngest DS came along lol

OP posts:
CarterBeatsTheDevil · 04/03/2025 17:50

99problems99 · 04/03/2025 17:48

This is a great point. Which is why I posted, I didn’t think of that POV, I do hope as he’s older and I can reason with him better things will improve. Perhaps I’ll give it a little more time as he’s not long walking and she probably finds it weird.

Show quote history

I would - just treat the cat as another thing in the house that he can't be around unsupervised for now 😊

TheChosenTwo · 04/03/2025 17:50

When my brother and sil had their first dc their 2 cats hated them and became mostly outdoor cats. As the dc grew up they came in more and relaxed around them.
If your cat is pissed off with your child why are you having to get up and move it, I don’t get why it doesn’t just walk off itself.
Don’t know, this is reading like a bit of an overdramatic post, cat hates small unpredictable noisy child - cat can just leave the room!

Commonsense22 · 04/03/2025 17:50

I'm surprised at the responses. Some pets deal poorly with new children even if they did fine with siblings. This might not get better and is obviously dangerous for your child.
I would hire a cat trainer as first port of call but they might advise rehousing as sometimes it is best. I have friends to whom it happened.

Coffeeishot · 04/03/2025 17:50

You can just say he and the cat are not "friends" and I wouldn't let your son interact with her at all.

strangecarinroad · 04/03/2025 17:48

Is there a reason why your cat can't actually go outside? ie busy road.
The cat will probably be happier isf she could go outside and escape the noise of children for a bit.
If my cats have ever misbehaved I just put them in the garden to wear off some energy and then they come back in much calmer.
( I also have pedigree cats )

Original poster
99problems99 · 04/03/2025 17:48

CarterBeatsTheDevil · 04/03/2025 17:46

Woah, woah, woah. I'm understanding of rehoming animals where they pose a danger to the people in their current home, but... lightly scratched? Is the cat following him around attacking him, which is potentially rehoming territory, or does he just not get that the cat doesn't want him in her space? Admittedly it was the 80s but my mum would just have told me to stay away from the cat.

This is a great point. Which is why I posted, I didn’t think of that POV, I do hope as he’s older and I can reason with him better things will improve. Perhaps I’ll give it a little more time as he’s not long walking and she probably finds it weird.

OP posts:
Original poster
99problems99 · 04/03/2025 17:47

Lamelie · 04/03/2025 17:45

Oh for goodness sake.
Yes very possibly a toddler is behaving in a way which antagonises the bloody cat. However a child is more important than a cat. The child is not a problem because there’s something scratchy and bitey in its home, the cat is.
@99problems99 I’m sure it’ll be easy to find a good loving home for your cat. And of course you should do so.

Edited
Show quote history

Thankyou for your comment. I am of course understanding of everyone’s opinions but my priority is my son’s well being. The thought of rehoming her makes my heart hurt. She’s so lovely and I don’t believe she’s like this with him out of malice. X

OP posts:
CarterBeatsTheDevil · 04/03/2025 17:46

Woah, woah, woah. I'm understanding of rehoming animals where they pose a danger to the people in their current home, but... lightly scratched? Is the cat following him around attacking him, which is potentially rehoming territory, or does he just not get that the cat doesn't want him in her space? Admittedly it was the 80s but my mum would just have told me to stay away from the cat.

2025willbemytime · 04/03/2025 17:46

My cat scratched my six month old on the nose. My baby was laid on the floor and the cat walked past and did it. I didn't see what my baby did, if anything. I dealt with it by putting the cat in the garden where she was free to come back in as soon as she liked and cuddled my baby. Didn't cross my mind to re home her.

I think carry on teaching your toddler to be gentle and watch them more closely.

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