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AIBU?

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Original poster

My beloved pet is becoming a problem

285 replies

99problems99 · 04/03/2025 17:34

Firstly I’m fully aware of the fact ‘a pet is for life’. So please be kind i am desperate for some
constructive advice.

4 years (almost 5), I purchased a pedigree British long hair cat. She is the most beautiful girl, she was welcomed into the home and we love her. She was from a reputable registered breeder and cost me £950. Money wasn’t the issue I just dreamed of her for so long.

From the start she was always very particular with food.. no problem.. I just chopped and changed when she lost interest. She’s had the best of the best since the day she arrived. She’s groomed every day, she has lots of toys, up to date with vaccinations and is solely indoor. She has treats and cuddles (when she allows). She’s always been a little anti social and doesn’t like ‘new people’ until she has investigated them fully. Some she decides she doesn’t like at all and can be quite snappy and scratchy.

When she arrived my now 9DS was 4. They were fine together.. I’ve since had another boy who is 18m. She is awful to him. I’ve taught gim
to be gentle, he’s noisy of course but she used to just leave the room. Now it’s like she’s antagonistic towards him. I watch his every move but she has snarled at him and has scratched lightly twice. I’m on edge all of the time.

I teapot of course love her, but the safety of my son is paramount, I can’t settle knowing she may just get so fed up of him and hurt him. I suppose as he gets older this might settle but I don’t know what to do.

any advice is welcomed and please be kind this is breaking my heart I wouldn’t even know where to start if I ever considered rehoming her. I have posted in some local groups I am in for her breed and people have been so horrible.. as if i am saying she’s disposable now I have another child.. it’s not the case but I have to be realistic.

YABU- thinking of rehoming
YANBU- completely understandable to re home.

thanks for reading.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Crazycatlady79 · 04/03/2025 18:13

Does your cat have any raised spaces - a cat tree, for example - to escape to?

Original poster
99problems99 · 04/03/2025 18:11

HardenYourHeart · 04/03/2025 18:10

You need some high perches for your cat. Cats are very territorial and they love to observe from up high. It calms them down.

I think it will take time for her to get used to what she now sees as an "intruder". But give her time and let him get older and calmer. As long as she can get away and observe from a high perch, things should get much better over time.

Amazing- thank you so much. Thought I knew a lot about cats as I’ve had them all my life- but this I did not know! I will happily arrange a high perch for her. She deserves peace too.. although I never get any . lol x

OP posts:
SquashedSquid · 04/03/2025 18:11

This is completely normal cat behaviour and I've never read something more dramatic in my life. I grew up with cats, I have three now so my children have also grown up with cats.

I learned as a young child that cats can scratch and bite, especially if you torment them, don't give them space or they want to communicate something. My cats will all batt, hiss, claw, bite etc if they are unhappy about something, because that's how they communicate 🙄 They're not like dogs - they aren't "trainable" in that way, in the same way you can't train a rodent/snake/ferret not to bite.

Is this your first cat?

Mossstitch · 04/03/2025 18:11

I've seen the results of a cat bite at the hospital and its not pretty, patient required in patient treatment/operation and IV antibiotics so I would definitely err on the side of caution with your child and, much as I love animals, if there was any danger to the child I would always say rehome.

What about one of those catios that people have now so that the cat can be outside safely and somewhere for her to get away from noisy toddler.

Original poster
99problems99 · 04/03/2025 18:10

biscuitsandbooks · 04/03/2025 18:10

Definitely the right thing to do! If you have Instagram or TikTok, have a search for "skippity paps" - it's so normal and cats love it. I even play it with our tabby orange idiot - he thinks it's great, lol.

Show quote history

Thank you SO much. X

OP posts:
Original poster
99problems99 · 04/03/2025 18:10

Wavescrashingonthebeach · 04/03/2025 18:07

My 15 month old is gentle with our cats. He knows how to stroke them gently. Of course I'd never leave him alone with them, I just shut them in another room at night.

Op just shut the cat in the kitchen whenever you need to. As your child grows bigger hopefully they will learn to live with each other better. I wouldn't rush straight to rehome.

Show quote history

Thank you. This makes me feel better. I want her to feel this is her home too but of course want to protect my little one. I think I’ll create a little space for my cat that she definitely can’t be disturbed. Upstairs is not on my little ones agenda at the moment but of course as he starts to venture more. I’d hate for her to be like ‘fucking hell can’t escape this little shit’ 🤣 in cat language of course

OP posts:
biscuitsandbooks · 04/03/2025 18:10

99problems99 · 04/03/2025 18:08

Ha ha love that. Thank you, it does put my mind at rest. She’s never alone with him, so maybe just keep an eye on things right now I guess. X

Show quote history

Definitely the right thing to do! If you have Instagram or TikTok, have a search for "skippity paps" - it's so normal and cats love it. I even play it with our tabby orange idiot - he thinks it's great, lol.

HardenYourHeart · 04/03/2025 18:10

You need some high perches for your cat. Cats are very territorial and they love to observe from up high. It calms them down.

I think it will take time for her to get used to what she now sees as an "intruder". But give her time and let him get older and calmer. As long as she can get away and observe from a high perch, things should get much better over time.

Original poster
99problems99 · 04/03/2025 18:08

biscuitsandbooks · 04/03/2025 18:07

I get it can be a bit scary, but honestly, it's totally normal. A couple of light scratches is nothing at all to worry about. I'd even say the batting is an attempt at play - we call them skippity paps Grin

Show quote history

Ha ha love that. Thank you, it does put my mind at rest. She’s never alone with him, so maybe just keep an eye on things right now I guess. X

OP posts:
Wavescrashingonthebeach · 04/03/2025 18:07

Jade520 · 04/03/2025 17:52

Don't show or tell him how to touch her, he's too young to be interacting with her, barely more than a baby. At that age he's going to be too noisy, clumsy and unpredictable for her to appreciate. I agree with giving her somewhere up high to go to get away from him. You need to watch them closely and remove her from the room if needed. Don't try and encourage him to be interacting with her though, even gently, he's too young.

My 15 month old is gentle with our cats. He knows how to stroke them gently. Of course I'd never leave him alone with them, I just shut them in another room at night.

Op just shut the cat in the kitchen whenever you need to. As your child grows bigger hopefully they will learn to live with each other better. I wouldn't rush straight to rehome.

Original poster
99problems99 · 04/03/2025 18:07

caramac04 · 04/03/2025 18:04

YANBU. If this were a dog the majority vote would say the same.
A cat scratch on the face could severely damage an eye. Rip open a lip.
Given your cats breed I’m sure a good owner would take her on.
You can’t train a cat like you can a dog and your little one is still very young.

This is the reasoning behind my post. I keep thinking ‘if I let it slide.. what if she hurts Hm’. I had a groomer come to the house once a while back to help me with some matting she had on her bottom. (She now has a regular groomer who she’s comfortable with) and she was so distressed she scratched my sister in her fight to get away. That’s always on the back of my mind however the circumstances then were very different. I appreciate your comment x

OP posts:
biscuitsandbooks · 04/03/2025 18:07

99problems99 · 04/03/2025 18:03

Thank you. I appreciate this. I will do exactly this .

Show quote history

I get it can be a bit scary, but honestly, it's totally normal. A couple of light scratches is nothing at all to worry about. I'd even say the batting is an attempt at play - we call them skippity paps Grin

Wishitwasstraightforward · 04/03/2025 18:06

I agree with @Jade520 that he's too young to be touching the cat at all. You will have time to teach him how to be gentle when he's older.

I'm a cat sitter (and dog walker) so I meet many many new cats. The vast majority of them warm to me only on their own terms. In general I creep around during my first few visits, and once the chores are done I sit quietly in the region of the cat. Sooner (or later) curiosity gets the better of them and they come closer, but unless they are very confident I sit pretty still and just make the odd soothing noise. They are generally either sitting on my lap or next to me enjoying some fuss after a few visits- but if I hunt them out, try to touch them before they are ready or follow them about then it takes them longer to come round.

AlmostAJillSandwich · 04/03/2025 18:06

Have you tried feliway plug in diffusers? Theyre supposed to help calm cats anxiety.

Ketzele · 04/03/2025 18:06

Cats generally hate toddlers, but generally don't pose a risk of significant harm. Obviously your child's safety comes first, but I'm not sure a light scratch would get me to rehoming. Cats are not dogs.

I do think your dc should be taught not to touch the cat for at least a couple of years, and your cat should have safe spots, preferably high up, within the main living rooms. Could you build a cat run on your wall? Entertaining for the dc to watch, stimulating for the cat, and safe for all.

Original poster
99problems99 · 04/03/2025 18:05

bluegreen89 · 04/03/2025 17:56

to add... my DSC (much older than your DC) have only recently started interacting with the cats - you can't let an 18 month old stroke the cat even if it's lightly

Thank you. Now you say this- I see what you mean. I just think I seen her interact so well with my older son, but he was 4 and very aware of her boundaries. My youngest is a tornado and I suppose she’s not used to it. Thanks for your advice

OP posts:
caramac04 · 04/03/2025 18:04

YANBU. If this were a dog the majority vote would say the same.
A cat scratch on the face could severely damage an eye. Rip open a lip.
Given your cats breed I’m sure a good owner would take her on.
You can’t train a cat like you can a dog and your little one is still very young.

Original poster
99problems99 · 04/03/2025 18:03

biscuitsandbooks · 04/03/2025 18:02

She sounds like a totally typical cat and you sound like you're massively over-reacting to what is perfectly normal cat behaviour.

Cats scratch and bite and bat people - it's normal. If she wanted to hurt him, she would be spitting, growling and attacking.

Just keep them under supervision and have a good read up on feline body language.

Thank you. I appreciate this. I will do exactly this .

OP posts:
Original poster
99problems99 · 04/03/2025 18:02

FeatherFace · 04/03/2025 17:57

It's a cat. They sometimes scratch and bite. I doubt she will savage him. And he will learn to avoid her!

Sounds like you want 'permission' to rehome her to me and that's fine but at least own that

No I actually wanted people to tell me I’m not over thinking it and to keep her, because I love her and I got her because I wanted her for her whole life. Please read my other replies you will see I am willing to try anything to keep her. I just worry people think I value her more than the safety of my son, which of course is not the case at all. I value them both on different ways. So please be kind I’m seeking help.

OP posts:
biscuitsandbooks · 04/03/2025 18:02

She sounds like a totally typical cat and you sound like you're massively over-reacting to what is perfectly normal cat behaviour.

Cats scratch and bite and bat people - it's normal. If she wanted to hurt him, she would be spitting, growling and attacking.

Just keep them under supervision and have a good read up on feline body language.

Original poster
99problems99 · 04/03/2025 18:00

bluegreen89 · 04/03/2025 18:00

@99problems99 unfortunately that will amplify behaviour. You could pick her up and put her in another room if she does something 'wrong' but no shouting. Good luck.

Thank you. X

OP posts:
Original poster
99problems99 · 04/03/2025 18:00

Wishitwasstraightforward · 04/03/2025 17:59

OP please do give yourself some time before you do anything drastic. I realise that it feel like you cat is reacting when DC aren't doing anything 'wrong' but as far as your cat is concerned she just doesn't want them to go near her. It's very normal for cats to take offence at young children- they are noisy, unpredictable, grabby etc..

You’re right. Thank you. I think I’ll keep them apart for now. Give her some space, he is boisterous, as the second ones are lol. X

OP posts:
bluegreen89 · 04/03/2025 18:00

@99problems99 unfortunately that will amplify behaviour. You could pick her up and put her in another room if she does something 'wrong' but no shouting. Good luck.

Wishitwasstraightforward · 04/03/2025 17:59

OP please do give yourself some time before you do anything drastic. I realise that it feel like you cat is reacting when DC aren't doing anything 'wrong' but as far as your cat is concerned she just doesn't want them to go near her. It's very normal for cats to take offence at young children- they are noisy, unpredictable, grabby etc..

Original poster
99problems99 · 04/03/2025 17:57

Jade520 · 04/03/2025 17:52

Don't show or tell him how to touch her, he's too young to be interacting with her, barely more than a baby. At that age he's going to be too noisy, clumsy and unpredictable for her to appreciate. I agree with giving her somewhere up high to go to get away from him. You need to watch them closely and remove her from the room if needed. Don't try and encourage him to be interacting with her though, even gently, he's too young.

Thank you. I will stop that then- I thought maybe that would help, but there is plenty of time I suppose. Thanks x

OP posts: