Ex’s wife has died

Absolutely. Thread is mn bat shit crazy, me centric, min character syndrome ahoy!!

I think the op just wants to show some sympathy for her ex-husband. She hasn't rushed over, she said she felt like going over but was asking opinion on what she should do.

That's the best post so far 😂💯👏

I think it's grotesque that your "instinct" was to rush over to ex's home when it's obvious you intensely disliked the wife who just freaking died and so does your daughter. What kind of comfort can you give a bereaved family when you can't stand the person that died? That's not nice, that's a hypocritical bitch move.

I call bullshit, lady.

Well, with MIL at your house, at least her family doesn't have to deal with 2 women who disliked her showing their two faced faces.

Exactly. If my partner died I'd be bloody furious if my ex husband showed up.

This, why on earth @CrispyDosa would you think you'd be welcomed/wanted?! Her children are there and obviously grieving and you think its appropriate to insert yourself?!

I wouldn't do anything. It doesn't really have anything to do with you, especially taking into account the fact your daughter didn't get on with her and doesn't have a great relationship with her dad. It feels like you're busy-bodying.

Why are you making her death about you?

Hmm. Take a look at her posting history. This is not a divorced couple who now co parent with any consistency or harmony.

If it was I'd be understanding of the role that she could potentially play. Instead, there's anger, resentment of the way her daughter is treated/has been treated and as one of the first things she wanted us to know about her now widowed exH is that he was/is a serial cheater, I'm feeling a great deal more to unpack.

Yes no doubt. To support the mil and the dd of course, neither or whom liked the poor deceased..

I didn’t think that at all. To me it just came across that OP wanted to offer her condolences face to face, to a man she once loved and cared for. I agree with OP it’s a bit gross you are all suggesting such a thing.

This happened to my ex. I sent a card with condolences and just put to contact me if he needed anything. By then our kids were adults, and her death wasn't completely unexpected, but I thought a card showed that I had sympathy (his ex was always very good to our kids though), but without intruding.

It’s just the way Op worded it. “Ex mil spent the afternoon with me”. It makes it sound like OP is in need of support and mil rushed round to support OP during this absolutely devastating time for her.

Stay tuned for the "should I go to the funeral" drama...

Write a card Op and that’s it.

'The fact you, who did not like the deceased, and your ex MIL, who also did not like her, have spent the afternoon together feels like you are forming a little cabal? Super.'

Yes very inappropriate and a bit crass really. Like they're enjoying the drama.

Read your updates and not all other posts @CrispyDosa but I'm sure I'm not the only one feeling you are inserting yourself into the narrative on this one.

It's not your job to feel numb. It doesn't matter that you don't know what to do for your Ex DH. The clue is in the word "ex" and it does not sound like you co parented well.

It's your job to be there for your daughter and to help her process what she might be thinking or feeling.

The fact you, who did not like the deceased, and your ex MIL, who also did not like her, have spent the afternoon together feels like you are forming a little cabal? Super.

"My ex in-laws found her very intrusive."

What? You mean your ex's family?

So fucking weird. Rushing to impose yourself into ex’s life the minute his wife days.

Your poor DD hardly sees her own father, why would you rush to the side of a man who has made such bare minimum effort to support your poor DD in the (how many??) years he’s been with his wife?

Or are you just seeing her as the villain who got in the way, and now she’s gone and out of the way you can get things back to normal?

😁

I am trying to imagine a scenario where one of my adult sons has just lost their partner and instead of dashing straight to be with them, I choose to visit their ex partner instead, because she and I are still close. Even going there to be with the granddaughter makes no sense. This was her just her step-mother who she was not at all close to. The woman's son has just lost his wife.

This is all sorts of odd. I am going to assume that his parents didn't much like the new wife, but even so, you'd think they'd be there for their son first, before being with the OP, however close they might still be.

Edited to say: crossed post with the OP's update about her ex's mum.

Your Daughter’s experience with this person really doesn’t seem to bother you op

So to be clear your ex-MIL, who felt her recently deceased DIL was "intrusive", felt that a young child (her DSGD) didn't want her there so she left her grieving son to come round and spend the day with his ex, who also didn't like the deceased? She may have been better going home and considering how her relationship with her son recovers from this (presuming that he's aware that she didn't like his wife or apparently his DSCs) and you would be better getting on with your day OP.

This is a sensitive answer. OP, I’m sorry this happened, but really a card via ex-MIL or text will suffice. Stay out of it and help your daughter process her feelings. People are in shock right now.

Step back. It's a sad situation but not your place to provide support. When my family member died, someone rocked up at our door who thought they should be a chief mourner. They were very lucky I didn't punch them. Please DO NOT go anywhere near your Ex and his family.