Ex’s wife has died

All you have to do is call in and tell him you’re sorry for his loss. She’s gone now and the past is history. He’s still your children’s dad, and his children are your children’s kin.

Well, obviously relationships with exes are all different and how any individual on here responds would be reflective of the relationship they have with an ex or imagine the relationship would look.

However, the OP describes her ex and his now deceased wife as making things difficult for her daughter. Which doesn't sound particularly amicable.

My exh and I have always been amicable for the sake of the childen. I'd probably text him to express my condolences in much the same way as I messaged him before his wedding offering congratulations but he has a whole life, family and friends. Why would I think I needed to do anything else? I certainly wouldn't be sending care packages or any such nonsense.

I would personally just be concerned with how my daughter is in this situation.

His wife made things awkward between your ex and his daughter (which he did nothing about from what you've said) and he also constantly cheated on you.

You owe him and his wife absolutely nothing.

Agreed.

You sound like a very thoughtful and kind person though, OP.

Nice to hear - especially when old ties and emotions are involved.

Good for you.

Do what's best for the children as always, but message your ex and let him know you're thinking of him.

Thats the best way to approach atm, I think.

Absolutely agree with this

@HardyCrow - OP has said both here and elsewhere they didn't have any relationship, and OP didn't particularly like her, OP's child was indifferent to her- there isn't any relationship there by the previous posts.

Stay away

But what for, for heaven’s sake? This woman was nothing to her. Literally their only connection is that OP’s ex married her. If OP hadn’t had a child, she’d have probably never clapped eyes on the woman.

OP’s ex had family. His wife had family. Presumably they both have/had friends. What is the role of an ex-wife?!

Because OP has expressed zero affection for this woman, and her daughter - who WAS involved in her life - seems disinterested.

Most don't though. Bereavement is for close people not an ex.

I suspect posters have been checking out OPs previous posts…She was not a fan of her exs wife.

Get over him. Nothing to do with you.

How do you know this?. Many people have amicable divorces and stay in touch esp if they have children together.

It will be a big mistake to get involved again in any way .
Men can get very dependent and maudlin at such times and often end up with another woman quite soon . He will have plenty of other shoulders to cry on by
the sound of it . Do not wallow in any sentient or feeling of being needed .

Yeah be careful. Grief stirs up a lot of feelings and people can’t handle it. Then they go looking for an event to hang all those feelings on. So the wife dies and his ex is round here next day etc etc, m definitelyopen to misinterpretation in a high emotion situation.

Send a card as others suggested.

Send him a wee message and after expressing your sympathise tell him you are around if he needs help with anything.
That's probably enough.

It's her ex's dw whom she didn't like, her dd didn't like and even the mil didn't like. Is it really a northern Irish tradition to intrude on an ex's grief with pies and lasagne?

English mourning customs aren't universal. In this instance you could nick a Northern Irish one and bake a lasagne/ cottage pie / veggie alternative and drop it off / send via your ex mother in law. Grieving people still need to eat and her children may be able to accept this kind of practical support whilst getting emotional support elsewhere.

Why would you go round? Unless you knew her well/were close?

I wouldn't dream of going round to exes house if his wife died - I'd send a text expressing condolences at the very most.

I would message him first rather than turn up unannounced

I would send a condolence card. I don’t think a text is appropriate when someone dies. A card takes a little thought, but perhaps I’m old fashioned in this?

Nothing. It's not to do with you.

Interesting that in your first part of your post you are very passive aggressive about her though she has passed … I am not sure what you think you will achieve by going to see him. If she was a positive influence on his life and that of your daughter then I would understand it but actually it sounds like you didn’t really like her ?

I don’t see why you would get involved? He’s an ex for a reason 🤷‍♀️

Drop him a message to say you are there if they need anything but keep your distance unless he asks. Better to avoid confrontation if his heads not in the best place you don't know how he will react.