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Original poster

Ex’s wife has died

260 replies

CrispyDosa · 04/03/2025 16:52

Just that my ex’s wife died very suddenly yesterday.

I don’t know what to think or do.

Husband was constantly unfaithful but she was not the other woman but she made my daughter’s relationship with her father very difficult. Obviously he was culpable too.

My ex in-laws found her very intrusive.

I want to drive to the house and see him but don’t know how I will be greeted. I don’t care for myself but wouldn’t want to upset him or her kids.

it obviously isn’t about me or even my daughter but I am completely numb and don’t know what to do.

What would you do?

OP posts:
mynameiscalypso · 04/03/2025 16:58

In the nicest way, don't make this about you. There is no need for you to drive round there. A quick message or card is more than enough.

5128gap · 04/03/2025 16:57

If you think it will genuinely help him to reach out, do it the least intrusive way. Message him.

BrownPapery · 04/03/2025 16:57

I would send a text offering condolences and support including with anything practical, plus a letter of condolence. I wouldn’t just turn up.

BrassyPalm · 04/03/2025 16:57

I wouldn’t be bothered with this. Sounds like you have been divorced for some time? There’s no way I’d be feeling ‘numb’ - the best I could manage, if it happened to my ex (who was and is a complete arse), is to message and say I’ve heard the news and I am sorry for his loss.
Do you really need to ‘do’ anything?

Dartmoorcheffy · 04/03/2025 16:55

Just send condolences. Don't go round.

CluelessAboutBiology · 04/03/2025 16:55

I’m not sure I understand why you want to drive to the house and see him? What is the purpose of going? Would it be to offer your conferences to your ex and see if he needs anything? Or would it be to check your daughter is ok?
Even if your reasons are genuine, might he feel that you turned up to gloat?

Exasperated24 · 04/03/2025 16:54

I wouldn’t do anything.

Belaymehearties · 04/03/2025 16:54

Send condolences rather than a personal visit when they will all be grieving. Do your DC know? How are they feeling?

Cookiecrumblepie · 04/03/2025 16:53

Nothing.

MarchingintoSpring · 04/03/2025 16:53

Call him and ask if he wants you to pop over.

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