Just to give an outline, DH insisted on sitting in bathroom to watch me shower in early stage of relationship. Also watching me apply makeup, and although it seemed a bit intense he said he loved me so much he just liked watching me, to the point he would be disappointed in me if Id gone ahead without him there. I've realised now that it was a bit strange, although this was the start of the relationship and he seemed to to really care about me. He changed a lot once married and began criticising and blowing up if he wasnt happy about something or if I disagree with him. Now that I am more aware of things I don't feel comfortable with him watching me and he has said he wants to see me get undressed again etc. like it was before. In the early days he used to suggest we should all be able to walk about naked at home (at the time I had 2 teenage DD from previous marriage) which I said wasnt appropriate with my DDs there, and I recently remembered (coming into awareness of stuff) and I questioned him about this and he furiously denied ever saying it. He showed me so much attention in the early years that I didn't realise it was quite controlling. He showed a lot of interest in what I wore, and realise now that by doing this he chose everything I bought as he always came shopping saying he loved helping. At home, he would suggest outfits for each event etc. He would suggest I put my hair up etc. Fast forward 20 years and I'm still stuck trying to make sense of it all although the early behaviours have been replaced with others, as I've begun to challenge them but it feels relentless. I feel anxious around him all the time but when I mentioned this he said it's my trauma from my past making me fearful (DV in childhood and previous marriage) when I don't need to be. There's constant pressure about virtually everything even having a cup of coffee, and I'm left wondering if my PTSD is causing me to think this way or if this relationship has caused the PTSD. Despite my previous trauma it does feel like this level of anxiety and fearfulness has happened in this relationship but I keep wondering if it's my fault for being so naive in the first place.