I think SS is hurting my baby

To postsrs saying he cant be allowed in the house. He's 6! This is his home too. You can't kick him out, what if he's doing it at his mum's house too, is he going to be made homeless?

I think you should have a chat with his mum, work out if its happening there with her little one and then come up with a strategy. You may need professional advice. In the meantime try to keep him away from the baby.

Surely she'd cry or at least squeal in shock if he hurt her so hard it would bruise?

At 1 she's prime age for falling over and off things she's climbed up. Mine always had little bruised at that ages- couldn't keep them out of mischief.

OP you must be so worried.
If nobody saw the recent indecent, and you say there’s multiple bruises too, keep a small benefit of the doubt he didn’t do it - one of my sons was endlessly covered in bruises on his legs when he started crawling, far more so once toddling - even now he’s still so bloody clumsy but his legs especially shins when he was a baby would always be bruised. But, of course given the past behaviour you definitely cannot rule out your SS either.

You can’t prove this one so rather than an accusation I’d sit him down with his dad and reiterate to him why it’s so important to be gentle with the baby. And then as others say never leave them alone, always have someone watching them. How often is SS at your home?

ok well you can't be angry with him. He is 6 years old. This situation is clearly a challenge for him.

You have to protect your baby. If you really want to check if it is him, you say nothing. You get a nanny cam or whatever. Just a phone on video record. You deliberately set it up so he is alone with the baby. But you are literally just outside the door. You tell him you'll be back a bit later. You stand outside the door and watch the camera. If he's in a habit of hurting her, he will try to do it now. At which point you immediately enter and stop him. And you also have video evidence of it.

Then, you decide how to deal with him and stop this. I don't personally think shouting at him etc will work. You need to establish the source of his motivation and feelings. He is also a very young child. You need to get some behavioral advice and of course, of course, you never let him for one second ever alone with her.

He's hurting all the children in the house? Has he been assessed for SEN? It's not safe to have him in the house.

What is your husband's plan to stop him repeatedly attacking all his siblings?
You can't have your baby anywhere near him, but your husband must also safeguard his other two kids.

Agree with PPs suggestion to ask for help from social services or any agency similar, the nursery could report the injuries.
@Icanttakethisanymore the baby is not crawling yet.

I wouldn't have him in the house anymore if he can't be trusted to not hurt the baby

Is it definitely bruising from a hand?
There are a few conditions that result in bruising (ds had HSP for instance).
I’d possibly make a GP appointment to get her checked, just in case, but make sure ss can overhear that you’re very worried because the baby is either being hurt or could be ill.

This is a worrying pattern of behaviour from a six year old. Don’t let him interact with the baby at all unless you are fully supervising. It takes seconds to hurt her. Get some pet cameras from Amazon and fully assess how often he is hurting the other children.

Bit of a derail but if she's 1 is she crawling / walking? Does she fall over / topple over / hurt herself at all and cry about it? Does she bruise easily?

It's surprising that a squeeze hard enough to bruise hasn't caused her to cry.

yeah i would ban him from the house, how on earth can you relax even for a minute

I'm going to take a hard line here and say, you need to refer this to social services. AND you need to go to the GP about SS and ask for support with him.

IF this goes on and SS find out another way, you could be seen as being neglectful. If you instigate the report, you'll be seen as dealing with it, rather than being neglectful. And make sure it's in writing (email) so you've got evidence.

So in the past year he's gone from being the baby of two families to having two baby siblings usurp him.

If you look at his life, how many changes in relationships with the adults has he been through? What age was he when this happened?

It sound like he may need some play or family therapy to explore the feelings he has.

It sounds like he is feeling insecure about his position in the families, which may make him feel unloved.

That's hard. My DH's brother was a nightmare and did stuff like that. When they got older (11/12) it escalated to him purposely hurting himself and he lied that his siblings did it! He was very high needs and one parent had to supervise him 100%of the time, like a hawk.

As an adult, he is a lovely lovely man (albeit a bit awkward). He has also been diagnosed with autism as an adult which explains a lot of his behaviour as a child/teen.

This is absolutely not ok. You will have to watch him like a hawk. Your DH needs to get tough on this. Your baby cannot defend themselves.

I think you absolutely do need to speak to his mum, especially if there is a baby at her house as well. You caught him hurting the baby. He has form for hurting his other siblings, and this is an ongoing issue. I don’t know why you thought hurting the baby would just go away with one conversation. Being on the same page in both houses and making sure both babies are safe is paramount surely.

I saw you mentioned he is high needs. So I know this is all incredibly difficult, and you must have so many very valid emotions, but honesty between both houses is the only way to help all the children.

I don't think watching the baby like a hawk and installing cameras is sustainable. He can just become more discreet at ways to hurt the baby. Speak to him directly about it and make it known that everyone is watching him and he will be in very big trouble.
At 6 yo he knows what he is doing

I wouldn't have him in the house. He regularly hurts his other siblings. He is just following form by hurting the baby. This is not the first incident and the only result of the previous telling off is that he now has to be sneakier to get to the baby. Your priority must be the baby.

Wouldn't she cry though if he hurt her and surely you would have heard it.

I would tell his mum as well as the nursery. If he is intentionally and slyly hurting the baby then that's serious stuff.

You need to watch her like a hawk and set up some RING cameras in areas of your house where he might be with her alone, albeit very briefly, or just out of your line of sight. Make sure your husband talks to him so that he is aware that you are aware, if that makes sense. It might shock him into not ever doing it again.

The problem with something like this is that it's going to be VERY difficult to prove it's not you if it happens again, so you need to be 100% vigilant in future. And do what you can to make him feel as included and loved as possible so he has less reason to be jealous.

Also it's impossible to never leave them alone for a second so making him aware that you know what he is doing. This isn't a 3/4yo where you have to take responsibility for watching him, he is big enough to not have to watch him constantly.